凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E02

Part 4 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.

才能拿到
at least three times trying to get 'em.
你真要帮他们拿吗
You're actually gonna help them with that?
是
Yeah.
怎么了 - 没没什么
What? - No, nothing.
我就是觉得我们
I just thought that we were, uh --
我们
"We"?
我从来没把我们当作一个集体
I never really thought of us as a "we."
是对
Yeah. Right.
我的错
My mistake.
那你为什么要把钱的事情告诉我
So why the hell you tell me about the money, then?
把凯文的事情告诉我
About Kevin?
我联♥系♥了银行你说得对
I called the bank, and you were right.
钱没了
The money's gone.
你搅乱我的生活就是为了好玩吗
You blew up my life. Was that just for fun?
而你就能坦然接受往后余生
and you're fine with hitting your head
如今日一样三番五次地撞到脑袋就为了寻找焰火筒吗
looking for the Roman candles for the rest of your life?
我能
Yes.
就你这样还同情我呢
You felt sorry for me.
那是燕麦提子饼
They're oatmeal raisin!
你为什么要在饼干里放水果
Why would you put fruit in a cookie?
会串味的
Mixed messaging!
就好像买♥♥甜品附送作业一样
Like a dessert with homework.
对就好像往饼干里面放放蔬菜一样
Yeah, it's like putting a vegetable in a -- a cookie.
我的老天爷啊
Oh, dear God.
大惊小怪干什么
No need to invoke the Lord.
邻居偷了我的运动衫
The neighbors stole my jersey,
所以我有权拿一件他们的
so I rightfully stole one of theirs.
我很确信上帝站在我们这一边
Pretty sure we got the Big Man's blessing on this.
说到底我们只是以眼还眼铢铢必较
After all -- eye for an eye, tit for tit.
听着你们每次都要这么斤斤计较吗
Look, does it always have to be "tit for tit"?
就不能大度一次吗
Can't just you let some things go?
这是革命战争啊艾丽森
This is a Revolutionary War, Allison.
你能想象要是乔治·华盛顿
Could you imagine if George Washington
“大度一次”会有什么后果吗
just "let things go"?
能那现在国家就归共♥产♥党管了
Yeah, I can. We'd be Communists.
宝贝啊猜得完全不沾边
Oh, honey. Not even close.
看看我我和朋友闹了点不愉快
Well, look at me. I had a tiff with a friend,
所以我做了些饼干来和她和好
so I baked some cookies to make peace.
- 哪来的朋友 - 她编的
What friend?They're made up.
就像爱尔兰小妖精一样
Just like leprechauns.
你教我的嘛
You taught me that.
我去
Kevin: Ouugh!
他们把这个放在门口了
It was on the doorstep.
这是战书啊
It's a message.
现在你还想大度一回吗艾丽森
You want to let it go now, Allison?!
所以说战书上写了什么呢
So, what is the message, exactly?
说明他们不是闹着玩玩的啊
That they're not playing around.
你看看它
Look at this!
他们显然是想模仿放气门事件我们非常生气
It's clearly a Deflategate dig, and it is not taken well.
还是一点也不沾边
Again, not even close.
等等我
Wait up!
说真的
Really.
你到底想要什么样的朋友
What friend are these for?
一个不会为了和人套近乎
Uh, someone who doesn't pretend to hate things
假意逢迎的朋友
they like just to be one of the guys.
老天你戏真多
Jesus, are you an after-school special?
拜托
Come on.
一个能和我交心的朋友
It's someone I can actually talk to.
- 你好啊 - 怎么回事
Hi.Oh, what the hell?
我懂我是来道歉的
No, I know. I just came to apologize.
当心马库斯
Careful, Marcus.
小心美女把你的鼻子打断
Barbie might break your nose this time.
行吧到这边来这边来
Okay. Come here. Come here. Come here.
- 过来 - 干什么
Come here. What are you --
听着我昨天心情很差
Look, I was in a terrible place that day,
而且我还犯了个大错
and I made a huge mistake.
我以前从没有扇过别人
I've never actually slapped anyone before --
不不不还没到那份儿上女汉子
Whoa, no, no, no. Hold on. You didn't slap me, tough guy.
- 我没事 - 好吧
I was fine. Okay.
当然
Uh, of course.
不管怎样都是我失礼了
Either way, I was very rude, and, um,
所以我想弥补你一下
so I wanted to make it up to you.
你是认真的吗
Are you serious?
不知道
I dunno.
没有人不喜欢饼干
Everyone likes cookies.
很棒的礼物
It's a good gift.
你不会缠着我不放
You're not gonna be a pain in the ass
向我索要毒品吧
asking me for coke now, are you?
不不不
No, no, no, no, no. No.
给了我一些好点子但是
Gave me some interesting ideas, but, uh,
我觉得我的身体还在康复期
I feel like my body's still recovering.
不是那样的
No, uh...
我要羟考酮
I want oxys.
老天爷啊
Jesus Christ.
十到十五片就好
Just like 10 to 15 pills.
我尝试找个医生拿来着
I've already tried to get a doctor to give them to me --
当然了你第一直觉就是从正道买♥♥
Of course your first thought was to ask nicely.
但是他把我往治疗师那儿推但是我
He just sent me to a therapist, and I --
我需要止痛药
I need these.
我真的很疼
I'm in very real pain.
马库斯有危险就喊出来
Marcus, use your rape whistle.
这是私人谈话
Okay. Private conversation.
你看我身上没带着止痛药好吗
Look, I don't have that shit on me, okay?
我不是那种人
I -- I'm not that guy.
但我有路子
But, uh, I can hook you up with one.
真的吗
Really?
我的天好的
Oh, my God, okay.
谢谢你
Thank you.
半夜到第十四街的天桥等着
Be on the 14th Street overpass at midnight.
- 就今晚 - 好的
- Tonight. - Okay.
别想着用饼干付款
Don't try to pay in cookies.
不会的
N-No.
我不会的好嘞
No, okay.
谢谢你
Uh, thank you.
对了我知道这肯定比不上现金
Uh, hey, I know it's not cash, but, uh, do you think
但你觉得他会接受这件连帽衫吗
that he'd think that this hoodie was worth something?
看起来是不怎么样
Oh, it looks awful.
贝利切克穿过这件衣服
Uh, t-this was -- this was worn by Belichick.
比尔·贝利切克
Bill Belichick?
我的我的丈夫花天价买♥♥下来的
My, uh -- my husband paid Lord knows how much for it,
具体多少钱我也不敢问啊
but God forbid I ask.
- 女士 - 艾丽森
Lady. - Um, Allison.
我不想知道你的名字和过往
I don't want to know your name or your story.
- 我不在乎 - 也对
I don't care. - Right.
你快走吧
Now get the hell out of here.
- 好吧 - 拜拜了您
Okay. - Bye-bye, now.
好那再见啦
Yes. Goodbye.
行行
Okay. Okay.
- 谢谢你 - 也谢谢你的提子饼干
Thank you.Thanks for the raisin cookies.
碗留给我来洗就行
Don't worry about washing the bowl.
- 你干什么呢 - 为了保护好我的宝贝
What are you doing?! - Gotta protect my lady.
再小心也不为过
Can't be too cautious.
怎么了你
Well, can't you?!
邻居烧了我们的垃圾桶
Not when the neighbors lit our garbage cans on fire.
他们干什么了他们为什么要这么做
They what?! Why would they do that?
在刀插橄榄球门后
Well, after Knife-In-Football-Gate,
我灵光一闪
I had one of those strokes of genius.
往足球里塞了一个樱桃炸♥弹♥
I shoved a cherry bomb inside a soccer --
猪
soccer! --
球然后放在了他们门前的草坪上
ball, and I put it on their front lawn.