凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E05

Part 6 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

你去了哪儿
Not where you were,
你跟艾丽森在做什么
not what you might be doing with Allison.
我什么都不知道
Like, none.
我们在一起
We've been sitting next to each other
三年了
for the last three years,
我好像连你是谁都不知道
and, uh, I don't think I know you at all.
那么你还是
So, just...
《启示录》真变♥态♥
Frickin' Revelations.
跟特拉维斯·比克尔玩彩蛋射击开心吗
So, how did playing paintball go with Travis Bickle?
首先彩蛋射击的场地
First of all, the "paintball course"
是沃尔玛的停车场
was the parking lot of a Walmart.
只要谁没有收好购物车帕迪就会开枪打他
Paddy would just shoot anyone who didn't put their cart away.
对他兴致来了连我都打
Yeah, and he shot me whenever his little heart desired,
而且他兴致挺高
which it desired a lot.
看到这个P了么兄弟
That's a "P," man.
他硬生生给我烙上了个P
He basically branded me.
就是一神精病
He's a psycho.
枪法很好的深井冰
With excellent aim.
行吧你们谁去跟这个精神错乱的神枪手
Alright, who's gonna tell this unhinged marksman
分手
to hit the bricks?
情况有些尴尬啊
We're in a bit of a jam here.
别别
No! No!
要做成那种接地气的碎肉汉堡
And remember, it has to be a real smash burger.
辣椒酱芝士放一大堆
Chili, extra cheese.
不是你们的那种高级汉堡好吗
And none of your fancy cheese, okay?
做最土味的美式汉堡
Just terrible yellow American.
我知道怎么做汉堡感谢指导
Sam: I know how to make a burger, thank you.
好吧
Okay.
你准备好下周
You ready to start the new chapter
翻开职业的新篇章了吗
of your career next week?
贝芙餐厅的新篇章吗
The Bev's Diner Chapter?
当然准备好了
Absolutely.
期待整个生活由此改变
Expect my whole life to change.
是不是糊了山姆
Uh, is that burning, Sam?
见鬼
Oh, shit.
所以你为什么要让我复刻个王牌狗的汉堡
So, why do you have me re-creating a Top Dog burger?
凯文你看
Look, Kev.
这是王牌狗的汉堡吗
Is that a Top Dog burger?
- 你哪里买♥♥的 - 我不知道
Where'd you get that?Oh, I'm not sure.
有人把它放在咱家门廊外
Someone left it on the back stoop with a note
上面有张纸条写着对不起
that just said "I'm sorry."
是谁呢
Who could it have been?
让我好好想想
Let me think this through.
我的生命里谁欠我个道歉
Who in my life needs to apologize to me?
- 帕蒂吧 - 肯定是帕蒂
-Probably Patty. -Yeah, it's gotta be Patty.
帕蒂是最有可能的
Um, Patty does make the most sense.
不不不怕迪就坐在这里
No, no, no. Paddy's right here.
好吧虽然这很扯但听我说
Alright, this sounds insane, but hear me out.
没准儿就是帕蒂
I bet it's Patty.
没毛病凯文
Solid work, Kev.
这么说帕蒂开了大老远的车
So, Patty drove all the way back to Top Dog
去了王牌狗就为了将功赎过
just to make up for her act of betrayal?
够意思
Noble.
你好啊小兄弟几分钟后
Hey, there, little buddy. In a matter of moments,
你我就要肚里相见了
you're about to go from outside me to inside me.
退后女魔头
You step back, She-Devil!
你不准入内
You are banned from the premises!
大哥淡定
Bro, you gotta calm down.
你装逼过头了
You're way too intense.
我装过头你跟这儿呛谁呢
Too intense? What, are you kidding me?
我的逼格是打败你的原因
My intensity is what makes me an ideal upgrade from you!
对吧兄弟们
Ain't that right, my guys?
看到没他们同意我
Clearly, they agree with me.
哦是吗他们只是太好心了才不敢告诉我
Oh, yeah, right. And they're just too nice to tell me?
不是好心他们是害怕
Absolutely not. They're too scared.
害怕
Scared?
凯文你不会觉得害怕我吧
Kev, that's not how you feel, is it?
我尽量不说我觉得这样的句子
I try not to start any statements with "I feel."
给人感觉很懦弱
It's too soft.
怕迪你太吓人了
Paddy, you're terrifying.
我这么个大个子都很怕你
I'm very afraid of you, and I'm huge.
对不起
Together: Sorry.
不
No.
不我很抱歉好吗
No, I'm sorry, alright?
我从来不想让任何人不舒服
I never wanted to make anybody feel uncomfortable.
我还是走吧
I think I should leave.
这才是最好的办法
It's probably for the best.
- 怕迪等等 - 别了
Paddy, wait --No, no, no.
我的假释期也到了
My parole's getting revoked anyway
因为我对那个人体模型做了点不可告人的事
'cause of what I did to that mannequin, so...
你对那个人体模型做啥了
What'd you do to that mannequin?
你真善良
You're sweet.
那咱们5到7年后再见了
Well, guess I'll see y'all in around five to seven years!
你真是太棒了
That was amazing.
在没人敢上前时挺身而出
You stood up to him like nobody else.
你真是救了我们的命
Yeah, you really saved our necks there.
你要是昨天也在就好了
Too bad this didn't happen yesterday.
尼尔就可以逃过一劫了
You could have really saved Neil's neck.
卧♥槽♥ 这是极光紫吗
It's very purple.
好事
Which is a good thing.
说明淤青开始活血了
It means the bruise is getting air.
我深受触动
I'm impressed.
你表现出了非凡的勇气
You really showed you've got what it takes.
我喜欢
I like the cut...
你的风格
of your jib.
谢了
Thanks.
欢迎归队
Welcome back to the group.
也谢谢你的汉堡
And thanks for the burger.
啥汉堡
What burger?
好了我明白的
Okay. I get it.
你跟这个突然出现在我家门廊
You don't know anything about the Top Dog burger
还附赠一条道歉信的王牌狗汉堡没有任何关系
that just happened to be on my stoop with an apology note.
瞧好了我两口就吞下肚了
Alright. This is gonna happen in two bites.
准备好了吗
You ready?
也许能见效的但是
Maybe it would've worked, but --
也许吧
Maybe.
但万一药效不够呢
Yeah, maybe isn't good enough, I guess.
所以给你吧还能帮你解决燃眉之急
So, just take 'em if you think it'll help.
能解一半儿的急吧
Half the problem, for sure.
毕竟瑞吉维警探那边
Though I don't think it does me any favors
还是不好打发
with Detective Ridgeway.
不过谢谢了
Thanks, though.
别觉得我会因此改变主意了
Don't think this is me changing my mind, though,
因为我不会的
'cause I-I can't.
行吧
Okay.
我了解
I get it.
他就是个控制狂加傻♥逼♥
He's a manipulative dick.
你一旦意识到这一点就再也不能视而不见了
Once you see it, you can't un-see it, you know?
没错
Yep.
不过你要知道在别州被警♥察♥拦下的
But you do realize that we got pulled over together
是我们两个人
out of state.
我们一起袭击了一个卡车司机
We assaulted a trucker together.
你在不知不觉中把我变成了同谋
You made me an accomplice without telling me.
如果你被抓我也跑不了
If you get caught, I go down, too.
我会烂在监狱里
I'll end up rotting away in prison
皆拜你所赐
because you roped me into this mess.
别拜我你本来就在贩毒好吗
Or because you're an evil drug dealer.
我开玩笑的
That was a joke.
别给我闭嘴
No. Shut up.
好吧
Okay.