凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E05

Part 4 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

没问题
Fine.
不过呢
But...
她在打听一个本地的毒贩子
she was asking questions about a local drug dealer,
这个人在镇子断货前
someone who maybe sold before the town...
就开始卖♥♥了
went dry.
听起来很熟悉呢
Sounds familiar.
所以你要是想让塔米继续认为你的沙龙
So, if you want your friend Tammy to think that your salon
只是个洗头的地儿
actually specializes in a good wash,
就给我弄点药亲爱的
give me some pills, honey.
你对那帮洋基臭球迷摆脸子的样子
The way you got up in that Yankee fan's dumb face?
直接把他吓出了酒吧
You scared him outta the bar
你一句话都没说
without even saying a single word.
就直愣愣地看着他
You just stared at him.
抽出一把大刀
And pulled out a big-ass knife.
太棒了咱们终于有一个狠角色了
This is exciting. We've never had a real badass in our crew.
狠角色是我们的新血液
Badass is fresh.
我一直是个不好惹的人好吧又不是什么新鲜事
I've been badass for years. It's nothing new.
镇定外面有一个入侵者
Alright. Got an intruder.
女性身高一米七棕色头发
Female, 5'7", brown hair,
大约55至60岁的样子
about 55 to 60 years of age.
听上去像是帕蒂
That sounds like Patty.
我才33岁看起来年轻的很
Patty: I'm 33 and look it!
让我进去
Let me in!
我不允许
Can't allow it.
帕蒂背叛了我的信任她必须为此付出代价
Patty violated my trust, and the price must be paid.
你是最弱的一环再见
"You are the weakest link! Goodbye!"
你还记得那个节目吗
You remember that show?
真是酷毙了
It was wicked cool.
行了凯文发话了
Alright, Kevin has spoken.
谁也不能进这个房♥子
Nobody gets into this house.
别这样凯文
Come on, Kevin!
让我进去
Let me in!
我来给艾丽森送外套
I have Allison's coat.
我还带了好喝的
And a tallboy.
看见了吧不骗你们的
See? Not a trick.
反正你来也没什么好事
Or a treat, that's for sure.
凯文只要你下令
Kev, you just say the word
我可以把这个房♥子从头到尾全副武装起来
and I'll booby-trap this place soup to nuts.
你就是个疯子
You're soup to nuts.
用不着动刀动枪的
You don't need to booby-trap anything.
帕迪能劳烦你转告帕蒂
Paddy, will you please tell Patty
如果帕蒂想说什么话帕蒂可以对帕迪说
that if Patty has something to say, Patty can say it to Paddy
然后由帕迪来告诉我帕蒂想说什么
and Paddy will tell me what Patty said?
我觉得他的意思是让你滚
Uh, I think that means get outta here.
随你便吧
Whatever!
我在厨房♥里等艾丽森
I'll wait in the kitchen for Allison.
这样就用不着碍你们的眼了
That way, you won't even have to look at me.
但是我们都已经看见你了
Yeah, except we already looked at ya.
- 你说什么尼尔 - 没什么在说凯文的事儿呢
What was that, Neil?Nothing. I was talking about Kevin.
你这什么眼神
Wow. That's nice.
对不起我只是事情很复杂
I'm sorry. I just -- It's complicated.
行吧你该知道没有必要这么想的
Okay, well, maybe it doesn't have to be, you know?
什么事情多想都会变复杂
Everything's complicated if you overthink it.
所以与其被愧疚所烦恼
So, maybe instead of going just straight to guilt,
不如享受犯傻一次的感觉啊
you could enjoy being stupid for once.
人都会冲动嘛
Impulsive.
你竟来教我冲动不是坏事
You're giving me lessons on being impulsive?
我最近还挺反复无常的
Oh, I am totally unpredictable lately.
我嘛
I, um...
我今天从烈酒店辞职了
I quit the package store today.
- 你吗 - 对啊
You did? Yeah.
我就把工作服一扔径直走了出去
I just -- I threw down my smock and I walked out of there.
你已经在那里工作了多少年来着十年吗
You've been there for, what, 10 years?
16年
16.
我感觉要是再在那间店里多呆一秒
I just felt like if I was in that place for one more second,
我就要死在那里了
I'd literally die.
我会昏倒在那排马里布椰子酒旁边
I'd keel over next to the rack of Malibu.
那些酒正在促销只卖♥♥23.99刀哦
On sale for $23.99.
那你以后怎么办
What are you gonna do instead?
我说不好
Uh, I don't know.
啥都行
Anything.
这倒是刺♥激♥
That's exciting.
- 很是冲动呢 - 是啊
Very impulsive. Yeah.
显然那份工作也没有什么升职空间了
And obviously, that job wasn't going anywhere,
但我觉得自己还有不少潜能你懂吗
and I feel like I need to keep going, you know?
就算他们会付我工钱
Although they did pay me.
这份钱我挣得不痛快
But it was terrible money.
但是钱还是钱啊
But it was still money.
很稳定的收入
It was still steady money.
老天爷啊我♥干♥了什么
Oh, my God. What have I done?
这才是我认识的那个艾丽森嘛
There's the Allison I know.
不啊我是认真的这以后可怎么办啊
No, I'm serious. What am I gonna do?
- 船到桥头自然直 - 不行没有收入我怎么活啊
It'll be fine.No, I can't have no money.
难道难道我都沦落到向老公要零花钱的地步了吗
What am I -- I'm gonna rely on my husband for an allowance?
- 老天爷啊 - 你听着
Jesus Christ.Hey, listen, um...
自从开张我就一直很难找到可靠的员工
I've been hurting for reliable employees
而且我知道你有就算托盘打翻在地
since I opened this place, and I know you can drop a tray
也能保证里面的水不洒的超能力
full of water glasses with the best of them.
- 我见识过的 - 就一次而已
I've seen it.That was one time.
你怎么说
Well?
你是你是认真的吗
Are you -- Are you serious?
你真的要现在给我个工作吗
You're offering me a job right now?
是啊
Uh, yeah.
在你这句话前我还没觉察出什么问题
Yeah, it didn't really seem problematic until just now,
但我只是冲动地想帮你一把
but I just wanted to impulsively offer a hand.
我知道你干了什么
I know what you did.
什么
What?
请坐
The seat, please.
用我教你的方法审问她凯文
Interrogate her like I taught you, Kev.
上哪里去找四十盏频闪闪光灯
Where are we even gonna find 40 strobe lights?
我车里有
In my van.
艾丽森你今晚去哪里了
Where were you tonight, Allison?
加班
At work.
加班干什么
Doing what?
工作
Working?
艾丽森你觉得我傻吗
Do you take me for some kind of an idiot, Allison?
你真的觉得我不知道
Did you really think I would have no idea
自己的妻子在干什么吗
what's going on with my own wife?
这个镇子很小
This is a small town.
被我发现只是时间问题
It was only a matter of time until I found out...
你居然从烈酒店辞职了
that you quit the liquor store?!
- 烈酒店吗 - 是啊烈酒店啊
The liquor store? Yeah! The liquor store!
戴安刚刚打电♥话♥来告诉我了
Diane just called and told me what happened.
现在只要你看看这个板子就会知道
Now, if you'll look at this board, you'll see see all the --
你拿反了
Neil: Eh, you got the wrong side there.
这是你之前用的那一块
That's the one you used from earlier.
把它翻转过来凯文
Just flip it around, Kevin.
- 转一下凯文 - 好了翻得好
Flip it, Kev. There you go. Nice flip.
谢谢你帕蒂
Thanks, Paddy.
基于你的行为
Because of your actions,
我们以后再也不能在酒水上得到10%的折扣了
we just lost your 10% discount on alcohol.
因此我要把整个计算过程呈现给你看
So, I took the liberty of laying out the math for ya.
这是你的计算过程
Uh... this is math?
看看这块板子你就会发现
Look at the board and you'll see all of the things that,
因为你耍小脾气这些东西我们再也买♥♥不起啦
because of your little tantrum, we can longer afford.
我最喜欢看凯文摆出《女作家与谋杀案》里那一套了
I love when Kev goes full "Murder, She Wrote."
我们的发型的确很像
We do have similar hair.
凯文我已经找到新工作了
Kevin, I already got a new job.
是在另一家酒水店吗
Is it at another liquor store?
不是是在一家餐厅
No. A diner. Gah!