凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E01

Part 3 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.

你系鞋带的时候也是这么说的
Oh, you say the same thing about shoes with laces.
还开什么派对
I don't even see the point of a party anymore.
哦天啊
Oh, God.
我对轰趴都失去兴趣了
I've lost the will to rage!
这世界还有什么值得我留恋的
What is there even to live for anymore?
这壁橱的空间好大
Look at that closet space.
放得下好多清洁用品呢
So much room for cleaning products.
还有这个卧室
Oh, and that bedroom.
舒服得让人一辈子都不想离开
Ooh, I never wanna leave that bedroom.
我能想象到咱俩
I can see us now.
躺在床上
Lying in that bed.
你穿着性感小套装
You're wearing some hot little thing.
我穿着
I'm wearing...
T恤衫
just a T-shirt.
我们终于可以做那件你永远不让我做的事了
And we can finally do that thing you say we'll never do.
这个我们谈过的
We've had this discussion.
也要拥抱变化啊宝贝
Gotta embrace change, baby.
你知道吗我们从来没在神学院开过派对
You know, we never got to have parties in the seminary.
所以你才要跟修女做♥爱♥啊无聊到家了
So that's why you had to have sex with nuns -- the boredom.
我又能说啥
What can I say?
我已经习惯了
I got in the habit.
拜托啊
Come on!
只有一个修女好吗
It was just one nun,
还有不要再聊我父母做♥爱♥的事了
and please don't talk about my parents having sex.
我还以为派对取消了
I thought for a second you canceled.
不可能
Ah. Never!
天才如我心生一计
I had one of my strokes of genius!
我也想跟你一样
I wish I'd have those.
可惜我的心脏只会心梗
You know, instead of the regular strokes.
要知道每一个周年轰趴
I realized, I spend every Anniversa-rager
我都充当了灭火队员的角色
putting out fires.
只有一次好吗你的眉毛也长回来了
That was one time, and your eyebrows grew back.
哈里森先生只是个小问题
Mr. Harrison is a tiny hiccup.
我们只需要把他隔离在我们的派对之外
We just gotta keep him away from our party.
所以你去另起炉灶去客厅搞个
So, we're gonna have another fancy, boring-person party
适合他这种人的无聊派对就好
for him in the living room that you get to throw.
另起炉灶
"Get to"?
你在客厅用红酒和薯片
You'll distract Harrison with wine
分散哈里森的注意力
and tiny crackers in the living room,
我来负责真正的派对
and I'll take care of the real party.
你们真觉得他不会发现
Okay, but you really think he's not gonna notice
隔壁还有一场派对吗
a party in the next room?
我们会在后院开的艾莉森
We're having our party in the backyard, Allison.
厨房♥就是两个派对的缓冲区
Think of the kitchen as a buffer between the two,
而你呢就是正个计划中最重要的一环
and you -- you're the most important part of the plan.
你就是守门员
You're the gatekeeper.
跟圣·彼得一样重要
Like St. Peter.
但更喜欢指手画脚
But more judgmental.
行吧我一直都想请老板来吃晚饭
I have always wanted to have the boss over for dinner.
- 大家都这么做对吗 - 太好了
It's what people do, right? Great.
既然这也是你的派对
Then since it's also yourparty,
你得负责买♥♥东西
you get to pick up the supplies.
负责
"Get to"?
好吧但如果我这么做你也要听话好吗
Okay, but if I do this, you have to behave, okay?
不喝烈酒只能喝啤酒
No liquor. Only beer.
我们明天一早还要跟银行见面
We have that appointment at the bank first thing tomorrow.
放心吧我会比周天早上还轻松
Hey, I'll take it easy like Sunday morning.
- 是周一早上 - 啥
It's Monday morning.What?
别那么放飞自我就好
Just don't go crazy, okay?
我们要说服银行的人
We need the bank guy to believe
我们值得拥有一个新家
that we're the kind of people who deserve a new house.
你们不会真的搬走吧
You're not actually moving, right?
就跟上次你说要回去上学
This is like when you said you were going back to school?
和你说你想搬到巴黎一样
Or when you wanted to go to Paris?
对我们只是在你们恢复理智前
Yeah, we'll just kinda all pretend it's happening
配合你们的表演
until you come to your senses?
不你妹妹得去找个
Nope. You and your sister
新邻居折磨了
are gonna have new neighbors to torture.
我们要搬了尼尔
It's happening, Neil.
你不要反应过度啊
I don't want you to overreact --
我灵魂死透透了
I'm dying inside!
肉体也一样
And outside!
- 咱们也 - 不用
Should we --I'm good.
拿苹果红色号♥的唇彩给我
Give me the lip stain in candy apple.
麻烦一下
Please.
凯文
Kevin?
慢慢说
Oh. Talk slower.
好的
Okay.
别再说肉盘了
Please stop saying "meats."
肉盘
Meats!
我刚得知哈里森先生喜欢那种
I just found out that Mr. Harrison goes nuts
放着芝士和肉的高级拼盘
for those fancy cheese and meat plates,
所以你需要买♥♥一个
so I need you to pick one up.
因为我现在很忙
Because I'm busy.
我在面试汤姆·布莱迪的特型演员为派对助兴
I'm auditioning Tom Brady look-alikes for the party.
别去坦帕湾兄弟
Tampa Bay is trash, man.
你在这里深受喜爱
People adore you here.
你应该留下来的
You should've stayed.
我在新英格兰度过了美妙的赛季
Well, I had a great run in New England, and I --
为什么所有人都要走
Why does everybody leave?!
尼尔兄弟别太难过了
Neil, buddy, take it easy.
一切都会好的
We're gonna be okay.
芝肉拼盘
Meats and cheeses.
嘿小妞
Man: Hey, honey.
你笑起来会更好看哦
A smile looks nice on you.
你想知道你通过我的检查了吗
Hey, you wanna see if you pass inspection?
- 不了谢谢 - 我开玩笑的
No thanks.It's a joke.
是个玩笑
It's a joke.
不过如果你想去后面来一发的话
If you wanna party in the back, though...
不
No.
行吧如果你改变主意了我就在这里
Well, I'm here all the time, you change your mind.
可以给我一杯咖啡然后
I was hoping to get a coffee and that maybe
再来一个熟食品盘吗
you had a charcuterie plate.
熟食拼盘都在菜单上
The charcuterie plate is on our catering menu,
你要坐下来才能点
so you'd have to place those order --
卧♥槽♥ 草啊
Shit. Shit.
山姆
Sam.
艾莉
Allie.
就知道早晚会碰到你
Thought I might see you at some point.
- 你看起来 - 别了
You look ... No.
一点没变
...exactly the same.
你搬回来了
Uh, h-- wh-- you, uh, moved back?
现在在这个餐厅工作吗
And you work at a diner?
接近我搬回来了
Close. I moved back,
我是这个餐厅的老板
and I owna diner.
这是你开的啊
This is yours?
好吧
Okay.
我竟然差点没认出来你
Oh, yeah, well, I'm surprised I didn't recognize you.
市场调查显示新英格兰的消费者
Well, market research shows people in New England
更喜欢那种白人女性当主厨的餐厅
like diners where they think a white lady cooks the food.
市场调查没告诉你
Doesn't market research also show that
伍斯特不太适合这种开雅痞餐厅吗
Worcester is not the best place to open a yuppie diner?
你会大吃一惊的哦
You'd be surprised.
伍斯特要跻身新贵城市了
Worcester's an up-and-coming city.
- 并不是 - 对并不是
No, it's not. No, it's not.
但我想回来
But I wanted to come back.
可是为啥呢你出去发展了
But why? You got out.
你住到纽约去了
You got to live in New York City.
嗯雪城吧
Well, Syracuse.
住到纽约州去了
Okay, well, aNew York city.