凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E06

Part 3 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

尼克这种人身上总有奇迹发生
Guys like Nick always beat the odds somehow.
我会
I'll --
我会为他祈祷的
I'll be praying for him.
行
Yeah.
尼克的事是尼克的事
Nick gets whatever's coming to him.
我不清楚他牵扯进什么事儿了
I don't know what he was getting into,
但我想置身事外
but I know I want to stay out of it.
太好了大家等好几个小时了
Oh, great. We've been waiting hours.
有线电视在台球室今晚有比赛
Cable's out in the pool room, and the fight's tonight.
抱歉兄弟不干活
Sorry, bro. I'm off-duty.
是来喝啤酒的
Looking for a beer.
我想去上班但有线电视维修这份工作感觉
I tried going to work, but cable maintenance just feels so...
太没意义了
pointless.
想看比赛的时候就不会觉得没意义了
Not if you want to watch the fight.
感觉物是人非
I feel...different.
我试了好多种法子让自己好过起来
I tried so many things to make it better.
打盹睡觉休息眼睛
Napping, sleeping it off, resting my eyes.
没用找不回自己了
Still... I'm just not myself.
所以我想试试喝啤酒
So, I figured I'd try a beer.
更差劲的主意我都听过
I've heard worse plans.
味道淡成水了
It's like it has no taste.
我♥干♥了啥事儿要遭此劫难
What did I possibly do to deserve this
家里还被人破门而入
and someone breaking into my home?
有人闯进你家了
Oh. You had a break-in?
对但他啥都没来得及拿我就把他拿下了
Yeah, but I got to him before he could take anything.
没让他得逞
I stopped him right in his tracks.
而我又得到了什么
And what do I get for it?
这些感觉
All of these...feelings.
没味儿的啤酒
And beer with no taste.
生活本就不公平
Life isn't fair, man.
要公平的话上苍会派个
If it were, the universe would send a cable guy
能修有线电视的家伙来
who'd actually fix the cable.
嘿兄弟世界不是不公平明白吗
Hey, bro, the world is not unfair, okay?
世界支离破碎
The world is broken,
我跟你说这世界已经崩坏有一阵子了
and I'm telling you, it's been broken for awhile.
老外邻居偷你家包裹
Foreigner neighbors steal your packages.
媳妇儿们害你不能享受酒水商店10%的折扣
Wives lose your 10% discount at the liquor store.
肖恩·艾弗里跑去伍斯特餐厅吃饭
Sean Avery eats in a Worcester restaurant
竟然相安无事
and doesn't get assaulted.
整个世界正陷入绝境
The world is going to hell in a hand basket,
而众人视若无睹
and no one's doing a thing about it.
谢了但我可不想再点一瓶
Thanks, but I don't really feel like paying
没味儿的啤酒了
for another tasteless beer.
没问题这瓶我请
Good. This one's on the house.
为什么
Why?
因为世界确实越来越差劲
'Cause the world is going to hell.
但你没有熟视无睹
But you did something about it.
妈的没错
Damn right.
社会需要一个敢说真话的人
We need someone who tells it like it is.
下瓶我请
And I got your next one.
那好吧
Well, alright, then.
却之不恭
I accept.
又有味儿了
I can taste it again!
赞
Alright!
干杯兄弟
Cheers, bud.
她开门的时候我真以为咱们死定了
I really thought we were dead when she opened that door.
我这辈子都没跑这么快过
I've never moved so fast in my life, I swear.
所有教过我的体育老师可以作证
Ask any gym teacher I've ever had.
天
God.
应该没问题吧
I think this is gonna work.
搞定了这事儿结了
We're done. It's done.
做梦一样
Is that even possible?
- 嘿那是乱扔垃圾 - 我得戒烟
Hey, that's littering. I gotta quit.
为啥不戒呢对不对
Why not, right?
嘿这招会有用的
Hey, this is gonna work.
我确信
I know it.
不对有些事儿不对劲
No, something's off.
塔米跟我说别出城的那种语气
The way Tammy told me to not go out of town, it --
她还会继续查我
she's not done with me.
再者说尼克还活着
And Nick is -- is still alive, by the way.
严重昏迷
In a critical coma.
你这是自寻烦恼完美小姐
You're just looking for problems, Barbie.
即便他醒了说他不是毒贩
Even if he does wake up, who's gonna believe him
谁又会信他
when he says he's not the dealer?
那如果他说
Uh, what about when he says,
那个娘们儿雇我杀她的丈夫
"That broad hired me to kill her husband"?
亲爱的你不是娘们儿
Oh, honey, you are not a broad.
听我说没你事儿了明白吗
Listen to me. You're all set, okay?
你脱身了我明白
You're free to go. I get that.
顺便说一句不客气
And you're welcome, by the way.
但我还搅和在这烂摊子里
But I am still in a deep pile of shit over here.
一切尚未有定论
You don't know that for sure.
确实但我该怎么办
I know, but what am I supposed to do?
坐着干等希望万事顺意吗
Just sit around and hope everything works out?
要不然呢
What's the alternative?
你老笑我说我爱说我希望但是
You always make fun of me for saying "I hope," but --
- 只说过一次 - 才不是但你没说错
I remember once. No, but you're right.
情况危险我得知道答案
It's dangerous. I need to know.
我得知道塔米有什么打算
I need to know what Tammy's thinking.
我得知道她是不是还盯着我
I need to know if she's still onto me.
你要怎么做
And how are you gonna do that?
我们得知道事情进展
Like, we need to know what's going on.
得知道接下来会发生什么
We need to know what to expect.
昨晚的事仅此一次
What happened last night cannot happen again.
要未雨绸缪
We need to be a step ahead.
你想干嘛艾丽森
How are you gonna do that, Allison?
下次你跟她约会的时候
Next time you're hanging out,
看看她那个小本本
I want you to look in that little notebook
她老在上面记东西主要看她写的关于我的内容
that she always writes in and -- and she what it says about me.
我不能
Uh, I can't --
帕蒂你得帮我知道吗
Patty, I need your help, okay?
我不想承认但每当我独自一人的时候
I hate saying that, but when I'm alone, I just -- I...
我会干出像嫁给凯文一样的蠢事
do things like marry Kevin.
嘿你和塔米是朋友对吧
Hey, you and -- you and Tammy are friends, right?
是你说跟她交往对咱俩都有好处
You're the one that said that this could be good for us.
也许能加以利用
It could be useful.
现在就能用上了
And now it actually is.
我不确定能不能办到
I don't know if I can do it.
当然能又不是大事
Of course you can. It's not a big deal.
女性朋友间相处的那些事儿
Girlfriends, you know,
不就是翻翻对方东西么
go through each other's stuff all the time.
要是被她看见了你就说
If she catches you, you just say,
刚借你口红涂一下之类的
"Oh, I was borrowing your lipstick" or something.
你从没有过女朋友是不是
You've never had girlfriends, have you?
我有你
I have you.
不是么
Right?
是
Yeah.
- 钉高点 - 他想挂低点
Put it higher. I don't know. He wants it lower.
很好又挂横幅
Oh, good. Another banner.
他妈的没错
Damn right!
打鸡血了凯文
Jesus, Kevin.
看来你找回状态了
Well, you seem back to yourself.
不只是找回状态
I'm not just myself.
我还升华了宝贝儿
I'm improved, baby!
绝无可能兄弟
Impossible, bro.
一切都从我上班时间跑去
It all began when I stopped by the bar for a beer
酒吧喝啤酒说起
while I was supposed to be at work.
开头不错
Great start.
身边有一群
So, there I was, surrounded by
早上10点喝酒的
a bunch of good, salt-of-the-earth guys