凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E04

Part 1 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

凯文和艾丽森永远在一起
Kevin and Allison, together forever.
《凯文滚一边》前情提要
Previously on "Kevin Can Himself."
我用羟考酮杀的他还伪装成吸毒过量
I killed him with oxycodone and then made it look like an O.D.
你得等到周一我补货了再过来
You'll have to wait till I re-up Monday afternoon.
- 谢谢 - 伍斯特警♥察♥局
-Thank you. -Worcester PD.
大家待在原地
Everybody stay where you are.
我的朋友被铐走了
My friend was hauled off in a pair of handcuffs,
我的货在警方的证据袋里
and my stash is in an evidence bag somewhere.
- 这是不是意味着你 - 一干二净了没药了
Does that mean that you're --Dry, no pills.
我在佛蒙特州可能还有个熟人
I may have a connection in Vermont.
你跟我一起去吧
I think you should come with me.
- 真的吗 - 我得开车去
Really? I need a car.
- 你可以借凯文的车 - 那我们一起去
You can borrow Kevin's.We'll go together.
找到什么好东西了吗我们发财了吗
Anything good? Are we rich?
只找到6♥4♥美分 9个螺丝钉
6♥4♥ cents, 9 screws,
还有一颗牙里面补了很大一块金属
and a tooth with a very large filling.
给我看下
Lemme see that.
好吧不是我的
No, not mine.
不过牙倒是挺漂亮的
Nice tooth, though.
我以为公园里能捡到什么好东西呢
I really thought the park would have more good stuff.
咱们午饭后去你院子里
Hey, what do you say we try your yard
边喝啤酒边找怎么样然后打个盹吃晚饭
after we have lunch, some beers, a nap, and dinner?
尼尔我爱你
Neil, I love ya,
但你那些快速致富的骗局该靠边站了
but it's high time we abandon your
是时候考虑一下我最近想到的
get-rich-quick schemes in favor of a get-wealthy-fast idea
一夜暴富的点子了
I recently had.
听上去很高大上
Sounds way better.
洗耳恭听
I'm listening.
我们自己开一家密室逃脱
We're gonna open our own escape room.
我怎么从来没听过这玩意儿
I've never heard of this thing,
已经成功引起了我的反感
which immediately makes me hate it.
密室逃脱是一个商机老爸
An escape room is business idea, Dad.
人们花钱把自己锁在一间房♥子里
People pay good money to be locked inside a room.
再说了我们有现成的场地
Plus, we can do it right here.
地下室和挂锁都是现成的
We already got a basement and a padlock.
也就是商业上所谓的“低门槛”
That's what they call "low overhead."
不要把别人锁在咱们家求你了
Please don't lock anyone in my house.
宝贝我们讨论的商业上的事
Babe, we are discussing
就跟行业巨头一样
business here, like titans of industry.
你是不会明白的
You wouldn't understand.
凯文你看一下巨头这个词的
Kev, look at the first three letters
的前三个字母
of the word "titans."
小凯小凯凯文
Kev. Kev. Kevin!
- 啥什么怎么了 - 车钥匙呢
What, what, what?Where are the keys?
你找钥匙干嘛
What -- What do you need the keys for?
开车啊
For the car.
我要开车带帕蒂去美容博览会
I'm taking Patty to the Beauty Expo.
我昨晚不是跟你讲过了吗
Pretty sure I mentioned that to you last night.
今早上又给你讲了一次
And then again this morning.
我不记得了我记性可是很好的
I don't remember that, and I remember everything.
我估计是忘记给你说了
I must've forgotten to ask.
天我怎么就忘了呢
Ah, God, how could I forget?
我真是蠢到家了
I'm such an idiot.
我本来还打算路过新罕布♥什♥尔州的免税店时
Here I was, gonna get you guys a few handles of
给你们买♥♥点龙舌兰酒呢
tequila from the duty-free liquor store in New Hampshire.
哇这样啊
Whoa. Hey, now.
你需要用车就用啊
If you need the car, you need the car.
别不好意思嘛
Don't beat yourself up about it.
钥匙就在那边墙上
The keys are with the wall spoons.
谢谢亲爱的
Thanks, hon.
好吧我们得想个密室逃生的主题
Okay, we need to think of a theme for our escape room.
我最后交代下烤箱里烤着腌牛肉呢
Last thing -- I have a corned beef in the oven, so...
对对考虑到宣传需要
Yep, yep, and for advertising reasons,
主题应该跟密室两个字押韵
the theme should probably rhyme with the word "room."
几小时后记得拿出来好吗
...I need you to take it out in a few hours, okay?
行咱们动动脑筋
Okay, let's think.
大家最想逃离的是什么
What do people want desperately to escape from?
是坟墓吧
Escape...tomb.
你们听见了吗
Anybody hear me?
逃离子♥宫♥ 这是必须的吧
Escape womb. Gotta get outta there.
不行太恶趣味
Ah. Too disgusting.
小爱同学可以设置一个
Alexa, can you please set the timer for
六个小时后的闹钟吗
six hours from now?
六个小时后的闹钟已设置
Alexa: Six hours, starting now.
咦你这是做什么
Whoa, what'd you get it going for?
烤箱还开着在烤牛肉
The beef is in the oven.
我要出门了不想回来的时候房♥子烧没了
I'm leaving now. Please don't burn down my house.
搞笑宝贝行吧
Geez, babe, sure.
你拿钥匙干什么
Whoa, what do you need the keys for?
救救我吧
I can't.
别误会艾丽森人挺好的
I mean, Allison's cute and all,
不过有时候我觉得她把我当成傻子
but sometimes I think she thinks I'm an idiot.
跟你们讲结婚真的是
I tell ya, being married really is...
这表情我熟
I know that look.
他中风了
Stroke!
尼尔你只说对了一半
Neil, you can't just scream out "stroke."
- 好吧被天才的灵感击中了 - 不是
Fine. Genius stroke!No --
不不你俩都闭嘴
No, no, both of you, shut up.
我知道要搞什么主题了
I've got our theme.
什么人最想逃离当下
Who wants to escape the most?
放下一切责任消失得无影无踪
Just, like, drop everything and go AWOL?
- 牧师 - 肖申克
Priests.Shawshank.
什么
What?
你们俩都错了
No, and no.
有个群体比这两类人
There's a group of people who have it
还要惨那就是丈夫
even worse -- husbands.
兄弟们我们要做个逃跑新郎的主题
Boys, we're gonna make an Escape Groom.
逃跑新郎怎么样
Escape Groom. Right?
明白了吧尼尔
You get it, Neil?
没
Nope.
等下
Patty: One sec.
别敲了艾丽森直接进来就好
Jesus, Allison, just come on in.
你是帕蒂·奥康纳吗
Patty O'Connor?
对
Yeah.
又见面了
Hello again.
我是塔米·瑞吉维探长伍斯特警局的
Detective Tammy Ridgeway. Worcester PD.
哦不好意思
Uh, sorry.
我们
Have we --
不算正式地见过面
Not officially.
前几天的药店突击搜查我也在场
I was at the pharmacy bust a few days back.
我的搭档给你录了口供
My partner took a statement from you.
哦对亚伯拉罕警探
Oh, right. Yeah, uh, Detective Abraham.
不是他不是警探叫他鲍勃·布拉姆就行
No. Just Bram. Bob Bram.
名字不错
Uh, that's -- that's a cool name.
我有几个后续问题想问问你
I just have a few follow-up questions.
你有空吗
You got a minute?
好吧
Sure.
你知道那次行动的目的吗
Do you have any idea what that bust was about?
你们抓了一名药剂师我猜是纵火罪
Well, you arrested a pharmacist, so I assume...arson?
贩毒和洗钱
Drug trafficking and money-laundering.
啊这天这么严重
That's -- Geez, that's tough.
是啊
Yeah.
他负责给本地的毒贩供货
Guess he was supplying dealers locally.
你认识那个药剂师吗
Did you, uh -- did you know him, the pharmacist?
认识我们是高中同学
Yeah, we went to the same high school.
他是玩乐队的常常跟他女友在走廊
He was a band geek who'd aggressively make out
众目睽睽之下搂搂抱抱
with his girlfriend in yellow hall.
不过这点信息应该没什么用吧
And I'm not sure how helpful that is.
他过去十年一直在为你抓药
Well, it could be helpful since he's been filling
你的信息自然会有用
your prescription for about a decade.