凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E03

Part 6 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

如果你在撒谎
if you're full of crap,
我们会毫不犹豫地送你去沃波尔监狱
no one would think twice about sending you to Walpole.
我会告诉那边的朋友你有恋童癖
And I'll tell my friends over there that you touch little kids.
我以我妈的性命发誓
I swear on my mother's life,
你要找的就是这个男人好吗
this is the guy you're looking for, okay?
我是谁我谁都不是
Who am I? I'm nobody.
不管是谁告发的我
Whoever ratted me out, like --
听着伙计你被抓时的持货量
Listen, pal, the amount of stuff you got caught with,
够得上企图贩毒的标准了
that's an intent to distribute.
别说我企图贩毒了
Forget intent to distribute.
他里面就跟黑五大甩卖♥♥一样
It's like Black Friday in there.
好吧那我们去见识一下
Yeah, we'll see.
如果你有任何问题给我打电♥话♥
If you have any questions, give me a call.
嘿哥们
Hey, buddy.
需要帮忙吗
How can I help you?
今天是星期一
Uh, it's Monday.
我是来拿仿制药的
I'm here for the generics.
你不该给我打电♥话♥的
You're not supposed to call.
我知道知道抱歉了
I know. I know, I'm sorry.
我犯了个大错不会再犯了
It was a huge mistake. It won't happen again.
特伦斯
Terrance.
求你了
Please.
谢谢特伦斯
Thank you, Terrance.
爱你特伦斯
I love you, Terrance.
来买♥♥立普妥的吗
Back for more Lipitor, huh?
是不是碳水化合物和动物脂肪吃多了
Maybe it's all those, uh, carbs and animal fat.
对了昨晚
S-- Listen, last night,
我觉得有点困惑
I think I just got confused, right?
因为我们吃了
Because we had --
伍斯特警♥察♥局
Officer: Worcester PD!
大家待在原地别动
Everybody stay where you are.
先生手放背后
Sir, put your hands behind your back.
不许动
Don't move.
你被捕了
You're under arrest.
你有权保持沉默
You have the right to remain silent.
你所说的一切都将被用为
Anything you say can and will be used --
他们还不允许目击者离开
Well, they say witnesses can't leave
还要至少待45分钟所以
for another 45, at least, so...
真是好啊
Great.
穿上吧
Oh, here.
我不冷
I'm not cold.
好吧
Okay.
太疯狂了
That was insane.
也太吓人了
It was terrifying.
是的
Yeah.
让我想起了我小时候的国♥庆♥日
It reminded me of this one 4th of July when I was a kid.
我当时还不到三岁
I couldn't have been more than 3,
我的父母带我去市区看烟花
and my parents took me into town to see the fireworks.
我坐在爸爸的肩膀上
Dad put me up on his shoulders.
他们点燃后
They started up --
那些烟花就绽放在我们头顶
these huge explosions right above us.
我还记得我当时想着
I remember thinking, like,
世界着火了
"The world is on fire."
爆♥炸♥声叩击着我的心脏
Sound hit me in my chest.
烟火熏着我的眼睛
Smoke was in my eyes.
每个人都在笑
Everybody just laughing and smiling.
好像他们不明白
Like, they didn't understand.
世界末日要来了
This was the end.
科特你这是干啥啊
Kurt, what the hell are you doing?
在刚才离死亡那么近那一刻
Being that close to death
人不禁开始认真思考
makes you think -- really --
生活中什么才是最重要的
about what's important
什么才是不可或缺的
and what you can't live without.
帕蒂
And, Patty...
你和你的墨西哥卷饼是我活下去的理由
I can't live without you a-and your chimichangas.
好吧今天周一了
Okay, it's Monday.
该交货了
Time...
哇你没事吧
Whoa. You okay?
早晨很不顺
Rough morning.
呃我猜也是但是
Ye-- Well, I guess that, but, how?
发生什么了你没事吧
What happened? You okay?
你怎么总是问这么多问题
Okay, what's with all the questions all the time?
我这么问不是想惹你生气
I-- W-- I don't ask you stuff to piss you off.
我只是想知道答案而已
I just want to know the answers.
为什么
Why?
因为
Because...
我本以为我很了解你
uh, I thought I knew your whole thing.
我们可以说在同一屋檐下
We practically spent the last 10 years
生活了10年吧
in the same room,
但没人知道我在买♥♥毒品
but no one knows that I'm buying drugs,
我猜也没人知道
and I'm guessing that no one knows
你在卖♥♥毒品
that you're selling them.
除非科特是你的秘密毒贩
Unless Kurt's some kind of secret drug mule.
不
No.
他不知道
He has no idea.
如果他知道了
If he did,
可能就不会向我求婚了
he probably wouldn't have, like, proposed.
啥真的吗
Wha-- Ser--
你认真的
Seriously?
是的
Yeah.
戒指呢
Um, what does the ring look like?
没有戒指
There was no ring.
他是在药房♥的停车场求的婚
It was in the parking lot of the pharmacy.
这样啊
That --
是啊就在我们遇上
Yeah, m-minutes after we were caught
一次缉毒行动中的几分钟后
in the middle of a drug raid.
在药店吗
At the pharmacy?
那不会就是你的
Was that your --
是的我朋友被铐走了
Yep, my friend was hauled off in a pair of handcuffs
我的货现在警方的证据袋里
and my stash is in an evidence bag somewhere.
而科尔特就是那时决定求婚的
And that's when Kurt decided to propose.
嗯那是不是就意味着
Okay, uh, so, does that mean that y-you're --
我没货了一干二净再也没有药了
I'm out. Dry. No pills.
- 啥都没了 - 该死
Nothing. God damn it.
又不是我的错
Well, hey, it's not my fault.
要怪就怪那个汽车行的混♥蛋♥
Blame the corner-kid-asshole at the auto body
他被捕了
who got arrested
还交代出了这一片唯一的供应商
and gave up the area's only supplier.
也许是好事吧
Maybe this is good.
整个事卖♥♥这些玩意儿
This whole s-- like, selling this shit --
就是玩火
it's too much trouble.
- 但是 - 不
Bu-- No.
我差点也会出事
I was close to going off the rails.
我压力好大都开始掉头发了
My hair's startin' to break from the stress.
我们不能放弃
Hey, we can't give up on this.
好吗
Okay?
我现在不想回家
I-I can't deal with going home right now,
不如我们去吃点东西
so, um, why don't we grab a bite and --
真正的食物然后聊一聊
real food -- and just talk about it?
我得回家照顾尼尔
I have to get home to Neil.
他炸火鸡的时候
When he deep-fried the turkey,
火鸡爆♥炸♥了他胳膊被烧伤了
it exploded and burnt up his arms.
傻缺的辣椒酱
This goddamn chili.
他根本不会做辣椒酱
He didn't even make the chili.
就把油炸火鸡堆上去
Just a pile of deep-fried turkey
然后傻坐在厨房♥的柜台上等着
sittin' on the kitchen counter.
我在楼下就闻到了
I can smell it from downstairs.
我似乎知道一个让我们生活轻松的秘诀
I think I know how to make both our lives easier.
就是让他们以为这是他们自己的
We just have to make them think that it's their --
混合配料的主意太棒了
...brilliant idea to merge ingredients.