凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E04

Part 4 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

汉堡啊
Burgers.
刚从汉堡店出来
It's a burger place.
我需要接一下我女友你懂吧
I just had to go pick up my girl, you know,
然后再去给我买♥♥啤酒
before we go get my beers.
听好了我可不是新手
Look, I'm not new here, okay?
你不能把我当成出租车司机使唤
You can't extort me into being your taxi.
嗯我可以
Um, I kinda can.
除非你不想买♥♥药了
Unless you don't need any pills.
这些也算我的吧
These are basically mine.
好吃口感很扎实
That's good. Very crunchy.
挺好
Good.
传♥单♥效果很好
Um, the fliers worked.
外面来了五个人
There's like five people outside.
我好像听到了暴富的呼唤
Ka-ching!
好了该上场了
Alright, it's go time.
各位我们要进入角色了
Everyone, we need to get into character.
老爸记住你的角色是好心神父
Dad, remember, you're the kindly priest who signals
给新郎使眼色让他说我不愿意
with his eyes that the groom should say, "I don't."
明白
Got it.
尼尔你是司仪
Neil, you're the emcee.
司仪可我不会说唱啊
The emcee? But I can't rap.
我试过我只会一遍又一遍
Last time I tried, I just rhymed the word "snake"
用“蛇”这个词押韵直到有个人
with "snake" over and over again until the guy unplugged
把我麦拔了
my microphone.
不不不
No, no, no.
你是主持人就像脱衣舞俱乐部打碟的那个人一样
You're the host, like a strip-club deejay.
你的任务是给我们暖场
Your job is to make us comfortable without
并保证我们专注主线任务
distracting from the main event.
胸和臀
The butts and the boobs.
完全正确
Exactly.
最后我来当这群废物的
And finally, I'm gonna go "UnderKever Boss"
卧底老大
on these suckas.
我当然明白你的意思但尼尔看起来有点懵
'Course, I know what you mean, but Neil seems lost.
我要装成客人
I'm gonna pose as a customer.
大家会很快发现我的智慧和魅力
The others will quickly identify my smarts and charisma
选我当老大让我来指挥
and elect me as their leader and ask me to supervise
这场密室逃脱
the escape mission.
然后你不知不觉地把他们带偏
And then you subtly guide them off-course.
不止我会欲擒故纵
Even better, I play hard to get.
谁我吗我不可能解开这些线索的
"Who me? I couldn't possibly solve these clues.
还是让其他人来当老大吧
Maybe that drip over there should be in charge."
你这个机灵鬼
You little tease.
你可以带着他们磨洋工
You can milk the clock all the way down
直到时间用完
to the buzzer that way.
计划就是这样
And I intend to.
迎接我们的暴富吧兄弟们
Get ready to be rich as hell, boys.
欢迎光临
Welcome.
请把所有手♥机♥放在篮子里
Please be sure all phones are in the basket.
不允许作弊
There will be no cheating allowed.
我会锁上出口
I will be locking the door behind you.
我已经把手♥机♥放车里了我反正不认识你
Already left my phone in the car, whoever you are.
漂亮
Nice.
大家有一个小时的逃脱时间胜者会赢得1万刀
You have one hour to escape and win $10,000.
线索在哪儿
Where are the clues?
只有牧师和上帝知道
God and the priest only knows.
嘿你们俩长得很像
Hey, wow. Um, you two look alike.
他们俩是不是看起来很像
Don't they look like they could be related?
什么我比他好看多了
Together: What? I'm way better looking than him.
孩子上帝不喜欢问东问西的人
My son, God does not like questions.
开始
And begin!
我们需要一个人带队
Well, I-I guess we need someone to take charge.
你怎么样
Uh, how about you?
谁我吗我觉得我不行
Who me? I don't know if I should.
行那我来
Okay, then, I'll do it.
啥
What?
我去问问牧师都知道什么
I'll find out what the priest knows
你们去四下找线索
while you all go through the clues.
那面镜子
That mirror.
看起来很重要
It looks important.
这张车票上应该是个坐标轴
I think there are coordinates on this bus ticket.
我是个飞行员
I'm a pilot.
这是弗罗里达的基西米
Looks like that's Kissimmee, Florida.
肯定是什么拼词游戏
Must be some sort of anagram.
呃基西米就是亲吻我
Uh, Kissimmee -- "Me Me I Kiss"?
大家都好聪明
Ah, good ideas, all around.
我们到了
Oop, we're here.
慢点开好吗你车里有可♥卡♥因♥
Damn, drive normal. You have coke in the car.
我们在佛蒙特州没人管你怎么开车
Nobody cares how I'm driving. We're in Vermont.
不自♥由♥毋宁死对吧
Live free or die, right?
那时新罕布♥什♥尔的口号♥
That's New Hampshire.
大同小异体会精神
Same thing. Same thing.
就停这儿吗
We're here?
前不着村后不着店的
We're in the middle of nowhere.
真惨
Too bad.
那个毒贩子在哪儿
Now, where's this guy with the pills?
我跟你说了他在商场里
I told you he's at the mall.
真的还是说你把我当免费的司机了
Oh, yeah? Or am I just your chauffeur to Hot Topic?
那人常在世纪森林旁边的停车场一带出现
Dude hangs out in a parking lot by Centennial Woods.
绰号♥红公鸡
He goes by Red Rooster.
好了绿灯了
- Come on. -Green light.
继续说
Shh. Keep going.
他经常把卡车停在那里
His truck's usually parked out there.
你不要下车
Do not get out of the car.
车停好按两次喇叭他会坐到你的后座来
You pull up, honk twice, and he'll get in the back seat
边开车边交易
so you can do your business on the move.
感谢你实话实说
Thank you for being honest.
欢乐巴士终点站到了
That's the last stop on the bang bus.
你们可以下车了
Now get out.
- 你认真的吗 - 对啊
Are you serious?Yep.
贱♥人♥
Bitch.
没错
That's right.
嘴真干净
Nice mouth.
祝你们好运菜客
Good luck, custies.
谢了
Thank you.
还道谢
Really?
菲里斯我快把誓言破译出来了
Phyllis, I'm almost done decoding the vows.
做得好亚瑟
Way to go, Asher!
棒
Yeah.
等等朋友们这粒米上刻着一个字母
Wait, guys, I found a grain of rice with a letter on it.
照这个速度下去那1万刀
At this rate, we'll have that
马上会被我们收入囊中
10,000 bucks in no time.
停停一停哈
Hang on. Hang on.
咱们追溯一下之前的事啊
Let's back up for a second here.
这个高个儿男一开始想让我来当领导
Tall guy wanted me to be in charge at first,
他肯定是有原因的
and there must've been a reason for that.
没啥原因就随便问问
Not really. It was just sort of random.
你不是随便问的
It wasn't random!
不是的
It wasn't.
你的直觉告诉你我当之无愧
You had an instinct, and I think that we should honor that.
行吧反正我们还有时间
Fair enough. Um, we got some extra time.
你建议我们做啥
So, uh, what's your suggestion?
你觉得我会把我的建议直接说出来
Right, like I'm just gonna tell you my suggestion
好让你大声重复一遍抢我的风头吗
so you can repeat it back louder and get credit for it
就像我对公♥司♥里凯莉的笑话那招一样
like I do with Kelly's jokes at work?
想的美
Nice try.
我会把每个人的策略单独告诉你们
I'll be strategizing with each of you individually.
高个儿男我先告诉你来吧
Tall guy, you're up first. Come on.
你果然是个好领导
I guess you're a pretty good leader after all.
你带领我们找到了钥匙
Looks like you just found the key!
不不不不
No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.