凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E03

Part 1 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.

哦傻到可爱的艾丽森
Oh, simple Allison.
《凯文滚一边》前情提要
Previously on "Kevin Can Himself"...
我只是不知道从什么开始被大家孤立了
I just don't know when I got so isolated from everyone.
你毁了我的生活就为了好玩吗
You blew up my life. Was that just for fun?
我很为你难过
I felt sorry for you.
我想用电脑查些资料
I was hoping to do some computer research.
讲的是一个女人想杀了自己的丈夫
About a woman who decides to kill her husband.
我用羟考酮杀了他还伪装成吸毒过量
I killed with oxycodone and made it look like an O.D.
这些药被很多人滥用
These types of pills get abused.
对听说了
Yeah, I've heard.
我保证我认识一个人
I swear I know someone.
谢谢你
Thank you.
啊是毒品啊我去
Oh, it's drugs. Shit.
爸爸
Dad!
你在教堂的奇迹负责部
I hope you still have some contacts
还认识什么熟人吗
in the Miracles Department of the church,
因为这个
because this...Oh.
称得上是奇迹了
...qualifies.
确实是个好包
That is a great bag.
挺大的
Very roomy.
他说的是里面的东西吧
I think he's talking about what's inside.
别又是什么活物吧别是活的
Please don't be alive. Please don't be alive.
另外也别是死的
Also, please don't be dead.
我正走在街上
So, there I was, walking down the street.
周围没什么人然后砰地一声
No one else was around when -- boom!
这个出现在了我面前
This just appeared in front of me.
凯文
Kevin!
凯文·哈特伍斯特中心现场表演
"Hart Live at the Worcester Centrum."
你就这么拿走了
W-- You took that?!
它被风从伍斯特中心吹走了
The wind took it off the side of the Worcester Centrum.
上面有你的名字
And it's got your name on it,
所以从法律上来讲它就属于你
so legally, it belongs to you.
哇你对法律体系的认知让人♥大♥开眼界
Wow, your grasp of the legal system is so interesting.
我的公共辩护律师也是这么说的
My public defender said the same thing.
咱们把横幅挂在房♥子上好吗
Let's hang my banner off the side of the house, yeah?
不过要先用好的床单钉住
After we staple the good sheets over
没有印凯文的部分
anything that doesn't say "Kevin."
你为什么要强调好的床单
Why would you specify the good--
算了
Never mind.
你们想好怎么做了吗
Alright, ideas on how we can do this?
我那里有辆我爸的绞车
I got my dad's towing winches.
你就是个绞车
You're a winch.
不听着我们用绞车
No, guys, we use the towing winches
做一个滑轮系统
to do a pulley system.
系统帕蒂只是爬个屋顶而已
A "system?" Patty, we're climbing one roof.
我们不是要占领维加斯
We're not gonna take Vegas.
我知道
I know.
尼尔你爬到排水管上去
Neil, you shimmy up the drain pipe
然后把它挂在旧的避雷针上
and hang it off the old lightning rod.
那个针应该没什么用
I'm sure it doesn't do anything important.
一定要注意安全
Please be careful.
- 别担心 - 行吧按你们的想法搞吧
On it. Fine! Do it your way!
我应该祝你摔断腿（好运）
Oh. I'd say break a leg...
- 等等我被卡住了 - 但我知道尼尔肯定会的
Wait, I'm stuck!...but Neil most definitely will.
我哥哥摔断了腿
My brother broke his leg.
马上拿40毫克奥施康定给你
40 megs of OxyContin, comin' up.
还记得你错过毕业舞会那次吗因为尼尔得了脑震荡
Remember you missed prom 'cause Neil got a concussion?
记得特伦斯
Yeah, Terrance.
所以我才没去参加毕业舞会
That's why I didn't go to the prom.
我提前打过电♥话♥ 应该已经帮我准备好了
I called ahead, you know. They should be ready.
不用等很久吧
Gotta wait all day?
你知道这些药很贵的
You know, these pills are pricey.
我今后可以帮你弄些
I could get my hands on some generics for you.
仿制药
In the future.
没关系医保能报销
It's alright. Medicaid covers it.
我的意思是
I mean, like...
医生只给你开了10片
they only give you 10 of these.
如果你哥哥吃完了
So if your brother ever needs a refill,
可以来找我买♥♥仿制药
come back and see me for the generic.
哦我
Oh, I --
不了
No.
你有正经的学历
You got a degree.
一份好工作
A good job.
别在这种事上栽跟头特伦斯
Don't be an idiot with this stuff, Terrance.
什么事
With what?
好的亲从椅子上站起来
Okay, lady, let's get you out of this chair.
你能行吧
Ooh. You got it?
别把我当成残疾人
I'm not an invalid yet.
好的好的
Okay. Okay.
对了趁我没忘把我的口袋书递过来吧
Oh, before I forget, hand me my pocket book.
我觉得你会喜欢的
I think you'll like it.
我很久没读过了
Nobody has taken it out in ages,
送给你吧
so, eh, just keep it.
谢谢
Thanks.
哦天啊
Oh, Jesus.
你没事吧
Hey. You okay?
该死的坐骨神经痛
It's just this damn sciatica.
我连买♥♥菜都要靠我
My do-gooder sister-in-law's
人美心善的嫂子帮忙
taken to picking up my groceries for me.
不容易啊
I-I-It's just hard.
没有医保去看一次医生
Friggin' doctor visits
贵得要死
are too expensive without insurance,
但是强忍♥着疼得我
and the pain is just --
有时候会非常痛苦的
You know, some days, it's just bad.
朱迪
Judi.
我没事的
I'm fine.
我需要一些仿制药
I'm gonna be needing some generics.
你来这里干嘛来了
What the hell are you doing here?
- 我 - 你从没来过这里
I -- You've never been in here before.
我知道但是我想洗个头
I know. But I want a wash.
芭布的哪种洗法
Like Barb gets.
- 你不需要 - 我需要
No, you don't. Yes, I do.
我非常需要它
I need them. I need it.
为什么
Why?
我背疼
Back pain.
- 扯淡 - 行吧但你怎么知道的
Bullshit. Okay, well, how the hell would you know?
因为你跟本不会说谎连你自己都不信
Because you're a terrible liar. Even you don't believe what you're saying.
我天为什么要搞得这么难啊
Oh, Jesus, why does this have to be so hard?
我这里没你要的东西
I don't have anything for you.
你当然没有
Of course you don't.
你得等周一下午补货后再过来
You'll have to wait till I re-up Monday afternoon.
周一
W-- Monday?
这周一 3天也就是72小时之后
Like, this Monday? Like, three da-- Like, 72 hours?
我知道你数学好行了吧
We all know you can do math.
好那就周一
Okay, that -- Monday is great.
太棒了
That is amazing.
我就星期一来洗头
I will be here for the wash on Monday.
谢谢谢谢了
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
好吧
Okay.
现在给我走吧
But for now, get out of here.
是不是因为很危险
Is it, like, dangerous or something?
不是
No.
我就是不想再看到你了
I'm just done being around you.
谢你哦
Thank you.
你是又来喝免费咖啡的吗
Here for another free coffee?
等等你们这里有免费咖啡吗
Wait, you serve free coffee here?
你总是没付钱就走了
Uh, you keep leaving before you actually pay.
我天啊还真是
Oh, my gosh. You're right.
我我保证会付这一杯的
I -- Well, I promise to pay for this one --
还有另外两杯
and the other two.