凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E07

Part 5 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:45 p.m.

你会惊讶于人类在表面之下
You'd be surprised how dark people can be
有多黑暗
beneath the surface.
哦不我说的不是那种能力
Oh, no. I don't mean capable like that.
我的意思是嗯
I mean, um...
就是那种从桥上跳下去
You know, the guy who jumps off a bridge
就因为他所有的朋友都这么做了的人
'cause all of his friends are doing it?
那不是尼尔
That's not Neil.
尼尔是第一个跳进水里看看水
Neil's the guy who offers to jump in first to see
是不是太冷的人
if the water's too cold.
啥玩意儿
The heck?
谁会把这样的东西扔掉
Who's throws something like this away?
珍妮·麦卡锡背心组合的未来专辑封面
Future album cover art for Jenny McCarthy Tank Top?
啊太棒了好吗
Uh, yes, please!
不拜托了
No, please.
进来吧
Come on in.
早上好尼尔
Good morning, Neil.
尼尔
Neil?
早上好吗
Good morning?
噢嗨我没看到你
Oh, hi. So-- I didn't see you.
还有你的警♥察♥朋友
And your cop friend.
对对不起
S-Sorry.
稍息
At ease.
你在这儿真是太好了
It's actually great that you're here.
我能听听你的建议吗
Can I get your advise on something?
- 挪开 - 不
Move.No!
别烦她尼尔
Leave her alone, Neil!
不没事你要问什么
No, it's okay. What you got?
好吧我们这么说吧
Well, let's just say
你有证据证明你的联合主唱
you had some evidence that your co-lead singer
联合主吉他手在鬼鬼祟祟地做事
and co-lead guitarist was doing something sneaky
想要拆散珍妮·麦卡锡的短背心组合
that could break up Jenny McCarthy Tank Top
但现在组合还没成立应该怎么办
before it even started?
我没听懂尼尔
I'm really not following, Neil.
我在外面的垃圾桶里找到的
I found these in the trash outside.
是一家婴儿制♥造♥诊所寄来的表格和小册子
They're forms and pamphlets from a baby making clinic.
上面有婴儿的小册子
Pamphlets with babies on them.
有艾莉森名字在上面的表格
Forms with Allison on them.
你知道这意味着什么吗
You know what this means?
这是非常私人的信息
That's it's very personal information,
你不该插手别人的婚姻吗
and you should stay out of other people's marriages?
不这意思是凯文一直在骗我
No, it means that Kevin's been lying to me.
你想审问人吗
So you want to do an interrogation?
完全正确教我怎么做
Exactly. Teach me how.
不塔米下班了别烦她
No, Tammy's off duty. Leave her alone!
没事的帕蒂
It's okay, Patty.
我不介意分享一点我的专业知识
I don't mind sharing a little of my expertise.
太好了
Great.
所以我想我们去抓到他
So I was thinking we get him,
我把他绑在椅子上
and I tie him down to a chair,
然后我用一束光照他的眼睛非常戏剧性
and then I shine a light in his eyes, real dramatic-like.
嗯这是非法的
Well, that's illegal.
但我们通常会让嫌疑人以为
But what we usually do is make the perp think
我们有更多的证据
we have more evidence than we do.
就是用灯光照他的眼睛很戏剧性的那种吗
By shining a light in his eyes, real dramatic-like?
不完全是
Not exactly.
首先我们从几个基本和
First, we start with a couple baseline questions
犯罪没有任何关系的问题开始
that have nothing to do with the crime
这样我们才能建立良好的关系
so we can establish a good relationship.
建立良好关系的问题
"Questions for good relationship."
那你应该尽量保持安静
Then you should stay quiet as much as you can.
保持安静比如不要问他任何问题
Stay quiet, as in, "Don't ask him anything
因为这不关你的事
because it's none of your business."
就是让嫌疑人说话
As in... let the perp talk.
如果我有照片或证据
And if I have a photo or a piece of evidence
可能会让他大吃一惊
that I think might take him by surprise,
我把它滑过桌子
I slide it across the table.
就是很戏剧性的那种吗
Real...dramatic-like?
很戏剧性的那种
Real dramatic-like.
然后我看着他们的脸
Then I watch their face.
寻找识别的迹象
You're looking for signs of recognition.
如果这家伙真的是个聪明人呢
What if this guy's a real mastermind?
我是说他曾经偷偷把酒藏在一个假胖肚子里
I mean, he once snuck booze into Gillette Stadium
带进吉列体育场
in a fake fat stomach...
那玩意儿还挂在他真的胖肚子上
over his real fat stomach.
如果他比我聪明而我看不出来怎么办
What if he outsmarts me, and I can't tell?
那我和我的搭档
Well, then my partner and I
可以唱白脸红脸
would do a little good cop/bad cop.
哦这很好
Oh! That's good.
白脸红脸
"Good cop/bad cop".
老兄你比艾莉森风趣多了
Man, you are way funner than Allison to have around.
谢谢你的帮助
Thanks for your help.
祝你审问愉快
Happy interrogating.
还有其他种类的审问吗
Is there any other kind?
不停
No! Stop.
你不能干涉别人的事
You can't go getting into other people's business.
行
Fine.
凯文
Kevin.
很高兴在这里找到你
Interesting to find you here.
嗯是的
Uh, yeah.
嘿你的吉他怎么样了
Hey, how's your guitar coming?
因为我一直在想只要我一边唱一边
'Cause I've been thinking, it might be cooler
拿着吉他你为我们俩演奏
if I just sing and hold the guitar
这样可能会更酷
and you play for both of us.
小凯我有几个问题
Hey, Kev, I got a couple of questions.
好吧
Okay.
你觉得一个标准的布♥什♥罐头里有多少颗豆子
How many beans do you think are in a standard Bush's can?
- 我不知道 - 太好了
I don't know. Great.
我们建立了一种多么有趣的关系
What a fun relationship we've established.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
你试过用飞机胶水
Did you try to put on a fake mustache
戴假胡子吗
with airplane glue again?
凯文听着我是你的队友
Kev, listen, I'm on your team here.
那你为什么不告诉我你要告诉我的东西
So why don't you tell me what you need to tell me?
好吧
Uh, o-okay.
我本来想等皮特回来的
Uh, I was gonna wait until Pete got back,
但我想我现在可以告诉你
but I guess I can tell you now.
我为乐队预定了一场演出
I booked us a gig for the band.
等等不是吧
Wait, no way.
真的吗这也太棒了吧
Really? That's wicked awesome.
我有些画可以用来做海报
Hey, I got some art we can use for the poster and --
不不
Mnm, no. No.
这这不对
That's -- That's not it.
嗯
Huh?
凯文听着
Kev, listen,
我是你的朋友好吗
I'm your friend here, okay?
你可以坦白
You can come clean,
因为我很友善
because I'm being nice.
什么
What...
这是什么这些笔记是什么
What is this? What are these notes?
上面写着白鲢花鲢
It says "Good Cod Bad Cod."
这些是婴儿吗
Are these babies?
你想这么玩吗
Oh, so that's how you wanna play it, huh?!
我知道你想在没有我的情况下组建家庭凯文
I know you're trying to start a family without me, Kevin!
你有想过这会对乐队造成什么影响吗
Have you even thought about what this'll do to the band?!
你还不如给孩子起名叫小野洋子
You may as well have named the baby Yoko!
这
This is --
等等
Wait, is --
- 艾莉森 - 哦是的是的
Allison? Oh, yeah, yeah.
装吧你一点都不知道
Sure, you didn't know about any of this.
当然不知道
Of course not.