凯文滚一边（2021）
Kevin Can F- Himself
第一季
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凯文滚一边（2021）
Kevin Can F- Himself S01E04
Part 2
Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.
也对 街角那个加油站的男人
Yeah, and the same guy's owned the gas station
在那里开店也很久了
at the corner my whole life.
我跟他见面更多
I mean I see him a lot more,
也只是知道他香烟
and all I know about him is that he hands me
卖♥♥的不错而已
my cigarettes real well.
《艺妓回忆录》
"Memoirs of a Geisha."
这书好看吗
Any good?
不知道 我还没读
No idea. Haven't read it yet.
不是已经改编成电影了吗
Well, they made a movie out of it, right?
原著应该也不会差到哪儿去的
So how bad can it be?
我下一本就打算读它
It's next on my list.
你家书很多嘛
You got a lot of books.
对了 我刚想起来
Yeah, uh, hey, I just remembered,
我有点事要迟了
I-I'm running late for something.
- 咱们能不能 - 没问题
Could we, um -- Sure thing.
对了 以防万一 你这段时间
Just in case, maybe wait a minute
最好不要出城
before you go out of town.
好吗
Okay?
没问题 听你的
Yeah, you bet.
我来开车
Whoa, I'm driving.
这是我的车
It's my car.
不 是凯文的车
No, it's Kevin's car.
我们要开四个小时的车去见我的毒贩朋友
And we're going four hours to meet my guy with the drugs.
我知道 不过是为了我才去的
Yeah, but the drugs are for me.
是为了杰瑞德
They're for Jared.
是杰森
Jason.
跟《十三号♥星期五》里的杀人狂同名
Like "Friday the 13th."
杰瑞德这个名字就比较无感
No one's ever been scared of a guy named Jared before.
好的吧
Okay.
咱们是为了弗莱迪·克鲁格去的
They're for Freddy Krueger --
好让他再也不来骚扰你
to get him off your back or whatever.
你也喜欢看恐怖电影吗
You like slasher films, too?
别跟我套近乎 好吗
We're not bonding, okay?
另外 我来当司机 你呢更像是个游客
And you're not driving 'cause you're like a tourist here,
游客是不能开车的
and tourists should never be allowed to drive.
钥匙给我
Gimme those.
但愿你的膀胱吃得消
Hope you have a strong bladder.
因为我中途不会停车的
I don't make stops.
我们要缓缓踏上旅程啦
And we're off like a herd of turtles.
我开到60迈了
I'm going 60.
二货
Fathead.
北达科他州的车牌
Oh, look at his plates. He's from North Dakota.
好像另一个世界来的
That's exotic.
另一个世界
Exotic?
对啊 很远 反正比这儿好
Well, it's far. Better than here.
你觉得北达科他比伍斯特要好吗
You think North Dakota's better than Worcester?
嗯 可能吧
I mean, yeah, probably.
你呢
What about you?
我有个理论
Well, I have this theory.
哪里都很烂
Everywhere's bad.
北达科他 伍斯特 弗罗里达
North Dakota, Worcester, Florida --
谁也不比谁更美好
nowhere's better than anywhere else.
都有各自烂的方式
They're all just bad in their own way.
弗罗里达州太潮湿了
Florida's humid.
北达科他州呢
North Dakota probably has,
可能遍地都是蛇吧
I don't know, snakes or whatever.
我敢说巴黎也好不到哪儿去
I bet France has its shit.
所以 哪里都是一样烂喽
So everywhere's bad?
哪里都是一样烂
Everywhere's bad.
我说不好
I don't know.
我喜欢去不同的地方
I'd like to see different places.
也许我该当个卡车司机
Maybe I should've been a trucker.
听着席琳迪翁的第二张专辑 一个人潇洒上路
Just me and Celine Dion's second CD,
带点牛肉干当干粮
and I'd just stock up on beef jerky.
你不吃牛肉干
You do not eat beef jerky.
如果我要漂泊四方的话 就吃
I would if I could ever go anywhere.
我爸80年代时就是开卡车的
My dad was a trucker back in the '80s.
跟《车轮上的沃顿》演的不一样
Wasn't exactly Walden on wheels, okay?
就是一群男人疯狂飙车而已
It's just a bunch of guys racing through traffic,
基本上都是药篓子
dealing with some combination of drugs,
糖尿病 腰椎间盘突出的什么的
diabetes, and slipped disks.
我爸真正回到家的时候
The times my dad was actually home,
我希望他能重新上路
I wished he'd go back out on the road.
你妈想让他回来吗
Your mom want him home?
不知道
No idea.
我们小时候她就去世了
She died when we were kids.
尼尔发现的
Neil found her.
天啊
Oh, my God.
真抱歉
I'm so sorry.
淡定
Settle down.
又不是你杀的她
It's not like you did it.
其实 就是我杀的
Actually, I did.
我想把你的卡车司机老爸据为己有
I wanted your trucker dad all to myself.
挺有幽默感哈
That's funny.
好了
Okay.
小凯 我有个商业上的问题
Kev, I -- I got a little business question.
可以 你可以成为密室逃脱母公♥司♥
Yes, you can be the vice president of
凯文巨头集团的副总裁
the Escape Groom's parent company, KevIndustries.
哇 你真大方
That's -- wow, that's very generous,
我正式接受这个职位 不过我的问题是
and I formally accept, but my question's about
我们要怎么吸引客人呢
how we get actual customers.
市面上已经有很多密室逃脱了
There's a lot of escape rooms out there.
我们的密室逃脱比他们都强
This escape room is gonna be better than
因为我们要放个大招儿
all the others because ours has a twist.
我们会奖励成功逃脱者1万刀美金
We are gonna offer $10,000 to any team that escapes.
- 我还有问题 - 你说
Follow-up question.Yes.
怎么操作
How?
1万刀
'Cause $10,000 is, like,
比你的整个银行存款还多1万2千刀
$12,000 more than you have in the bank.
这就要看我的绝密第二招儿了
That's where my top-secret second twist comes into play --
这个密室根本不可能逃脱
this room is inescapable.
我 我明白了 但我觉得皮特可能还不懂
I-I get it, but I don't think Pete does,
所以你跟他解释一遍
so maybe explain it so he understands.
我们会给出一些纷繁复杂
Our clues are so c-- our clues are so complicated,
毫无头绪的线索
they basically lead nowhere.
再把钥匙藏在一个毫无关联的地方
So we just hide the key somewhere random,
等时间到了 大声宣布
and then when time's up, it's like,
“抱歉 看来你们只会纸上谈兵”
"Sorry, your book smarts didn't help ya here."
《心灵捕手》的经典台词
Pure "Good Will Hunting."
那些苹果怎么样
"What about theapples?"
那部电影你再引用错一次
You misquote that movie again,
我就吊销你的马萨诸塞州驾照
I'm taking away your Massachusetts driver's license.
我们接下来要做的是打印传♥单♥
Now, all we gotta do is print out the fliers
在城里分发下去
to pass out all over town.
不过我不知道怎么设置打印机
Except I don't know how to work the printer.
和电脑
Or the computer.
幸运的是 我认识一个循循善诱
Luckily, I know someone who's an expert at explaining
把我当成三岁小孩教我的人
simple tasks to me like I'm a toddler.
转语♥音♥信箱吧
Send it to voicemail.
不会引起他的怀疑吗
Won't he think we're up to something?
你也就是一次不接而已
If you don't pick up one time?
别担心 没事的
Come on. It's fine.
老天
Jesus.
他准备打几次啊
How many times is he gonna call?
我怎么知道
I don't know.
怎么 他电♥话♥你每次都接吗
What, you always pick up?
看 世界末日没来
See? World didn't end.
我们都活得好好的
We're all still here.
看到阿德莫路告诉我 好吗
Keep an eye out for Ardmore Lane, would ya?
你怎么不用你的手♥机♥导航
Why don't you just use your phone?
凯文滚一边（2021）
Kevin Can F- Himself
剧集 | 凯文滚一边（2021） | 导航列表