凯文滚一边（2021）
Kevin Can F- Himself
第一季
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凯文滚一边（2021）
Kevin Can F- Himself S01E01
Part 6
Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.
When my husband's in the car with me, he says,
你开得太慢了
"Oh, you shouldn't drive so slow.
别让别人别你
Oh, don't let so many people pull out in front of you.
你应该多用喇叭
Uh, you should use your horn more."
我在方向盘后面战战兢兢
I get nervous behind the wheel,
驾驶全看的是自信
and driving's all about confidence.
所以 我不是个好司机
So, that's why I'm not a good driver.
我是个坏司机
I'm a bad driver.
但是 你知道 我在想
But, you know, I've been thinking.
我从来没有出过事故
I've never been in an accident.
我能开手动挡 我可以路边停车
And I can drive stick, I can parallel park,
我会并线 你知道
I can merge, and, you know,
我其实觉得我自己还挺享受驾驶的过程
I actually think that I actually used to enjoy driving.
我喜欢这样
Oh, I like this.
但是我们有一辆车 他用不着和人分享
But we have one car, and he doesn't have to share it.
他什么东西都不用和人分享
He doesn't have to share anything.
我他也是一人独占
He gets me all to himself,
因为我一直没有回学校
'cause I never went back to school,
他说那是因为我从来都是半途而废
and he says that's 'cause I never finish things.
但是我是确实半途而废
But do I never finish things,
还是因为他让我一事无成
or does he take them from me?
是我不会开车 还是他想要独占车子
Am I bad at driving, or does he want the car?
只要我想象着这幅
As long as I had this thing -- this just --
我们美好未来的
like, this image of what I --
的画面 我就有个盼头
what we could be, I had something to hope for.
但是现在我想要想些积极的东西
But now I try to picture anything good, and...
如果你想象不出
Like, what the hell are you supposed to do
一副一切安好的未来
if you can't close your eyes and picture a future
你该怎么办
where everything's okay?
因为有他在身边做梦是没有用的
Because dreaming's useless with him around,
所以 怎么着 我就麻木吗
so, what, do I just go numb?
是 很有可能 那东西很纯
Oh, yeah, that'll happen. That shit's real pure.
什么
What?
不
No.
你没有听
You aren't listening.
我 我是顾客
I'm a -- I'm a customer,
你连抽出点注意力都不肯吗
and you couldn't be bothered just to pay attention?
我的声音让人听不到吗
Is the sound of my voice impossible to hear?
因为如果你听不到 我还可以再大声点
'Cause if you're having trouble, I can go louder, you dick!
搞什么 女士
What the hell, lady?!
天呐
Oh, my God.
见鬼 马库斯 那个女人阴了你一巴掌
Oh, shit, Marcus, that bitch bitch-slapped you.
对不起
Oh, I am so sorry.
不 你猜怎么着
No, you know what?
我不抱歉
I'm not sorry.
见鬼去吧 我应该
The hell with that. I deserve --
对不起
Oh! I'm sorry.
对不起
Sorry.
你应该冰敷一下
You should really ice that.
凯文以为你出去跑步了呢
Kevin thought you were out for a run.
你上哪去了
What the hell have you been doing?
我算是跑了个步
Um, I was sort of running.
你为什么要这样子说话
Why are we talking like this?
凯文在厨房♥ 他要给你一个惊喜
Kevin's in the kitchen. He's gonna surprise you.
用什么给我惊喜
With what?
等等
Hold on.
被你发现了
Oh. Caught me.
我 早上不太顺
I, uh, had a bit of a rough morning
需要提提神
and I needed a few jelly Munchkins.
所以 你把我知道的事情告诉他了吗
So, um, did you tell him I know about the account?
告诉凯文我把他出♥卖♥♥♥了吗 得了吧
Tell Kevin I ratted him out? Come on.
他和女邮递员起了矛盾就让她被遣返了
He had a feud with the mail woman and got her deported.
是
Yeah.
这就是你等了这么多年想告诉我的吗
That's why you waited years to tell me?
你还好吗
Are you okay?
我不知道
I have no idea.
宝贝 我很抱歉昨天晚上
Uh...babe, I'm sorry I passed out
睡在在你的玫瑰花丛里了
in your rose bushes last night.
我们没有玫瑰花从
We don't have rose bushes.
你睡在哪里了
Well, where'd you pass out?
因为你看起来
'Cause you look...
好极了
wonderful.
反应很快 我觉得她相信了
Very quick. I think she bought it.
这看这挺有意思
This looks fun.
是 我知道我昨天晚上喝了太多酒
Yeah, well, I know I had too much liquor last night,
在我醒来的时候舌头上有玫瑰刺
and when I woke up with rose thorns in my tongue,
我意识到你是对的
I realized you're right.
是时候长大了 我得改变
It's time to grow up. I gotta change.
所以 不在搞周♥年♥庆♥狂欢了
So, no more Anniversa-ragers.
我觉得我们按你的意思庆祝
Wow.I decided that we should celebrate your way,
这次做你想做的事情
do what you wanted this whole time --
一顿无聊的晚餐 成熟的晚餐
a boring dinner.A grown-up dinner!
成熟的晚餐
A grown-up dinner.
在早上吃
In the morning.
等等 如果这是晚餐
Wait. If this is dinner,
也就是说可以喝啤酒
that means beers are fair game.
尼尔 就是因为这样的好主意我才让你留下的
Neil, ideas like that are why I keep you around.
艾莉森 你介意吗
Allison, you mind?
宝贝 关于搬家的事情
And, babe, uh, about moving?
你知道 银行里的钱
You know, that money in the bank is --
会只多不少 如果在包装店
it's only gonna grow, and if you pick up a few more shifts
你多上几轮班 我们就能搬到
at the package store, we're gonna be able to move
你想要去的地方
wherever your little heart desires.
艾莉森想要的 艾莉森就能得到
What Allison wants, Allison gets.
见鬼 凯文
Shit, Kevin!
凯文 你做了什么
Kevin! What did you do?!
什么
What?
你 打碎了
You...broke it.
大力士女士
Whoa! Ms. Hercules over here!
那是血吗
Is that blood?
这可不代表你就能发脾气
It doesn't mean you get to be moody.
你这个月已经用过这个借口了
You already used that excuse once this month.
我不会有事的
I'll be fine.
亲爱的 把手包扎一下
Honey, go bandage that hand.
我们还是要在早晨吃晚餐
We still got dinner at breakfast,
我等不及要看看你要做什么了
and I can't wait to see what you're gonna cook.
凯文滚一边下集预告
On the next "Kevin Can Himself"...
我就是那个不断给予的礼物
I'm the gift that keeps on giving, baby.
- 那太疯狂 - 那就是婚姻
-That's crazy. -That's marriage.
你毁了我的人生 那是为了他
You blew up my life. Was that just for fun?
我替你难过
I felt sorry for you.
我其实想要谈谈
I actually wanted to talk.
和我谈吗
To me?
你是怎么做的
How did you do it?
我用羟考酮杀了他 伪装成吸毒过量
I killed him with oxycodone, and made it look like an OD.
是
Yeah!
我的爱没有开始 没有结束
* My love has no beginning, my love has no end
没有正反面 我的爱不会扭曲
* No front, no back, and my love won't bend =
我在正中
* I'm in the middle
团团乱转
* Lost in a spin
爱你
* Loving you-ou-ou-ou
你不知道 不知道
* And you don't know, you don't know
你不知道 你不知道
* You don't know, you don't know
我有过庆幸
* How glad I am
凯文滚一边（2021）
Kevin Can F- Himself
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