凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E06

Part 4 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

善良的精英人士
having their 10:00 a.m. drink,
然后我就开始散发自己的魅力
and I start doing my thing, you know?
你的什么美丽
What's your thing?
以这种语气说话
Telling it like it is.
我以为你的魅力是设计可以穿去参加葬礼的
I thought your thing was designing classy Red Sox jerseys
红袜队球衣
you could wear to a funeral.
那是之前的魅力尼尔
That's my old thing, Neil.
以这种语气说话是我现在的魅力
Telling it like it is is what I do now,
那帮人超喜欢的
and these guys -- they loved it.
还没反应过来就被送了三瓶免费啤酒
Before you know it, I got three free beers
同时还有源源不断的免费啤酒等我征召
in front of me with more on the way,
就在那时
and that's when it happened.
我感觉好多了
Boom! I felt better!
又重拾自我了
I felt like myself again!
也就是说你喝高了
So you got drunk.
他说的是3瓶啤酒帕蒂不是30瓶
He said 3 beers, Patty, not 30.
我突然明白了为什么咱家会闯进人来
I suddenly understood why the break-in happened.
这背后的意义是什么
You know, like, what it all means.
我有更崇高的使命宝贝儿
I have a higher calling, babe.
我要竞选公职
I'm running for office!
没错我要竞选市议员
That's right. I'm running for city council.
凯文·麦克罗伯茨对犯罪绝不姑息
Kevin McRoberts -- I'm tough on crime,
却对毫无意义的事务比如税收相当包容
but soft on the pointless stuff, like taxes.
竞选口号♥这么说可以吗
Could that be my campaign slogan?
操
Damn.
不是没操你斯卢茨基太太
No, no. Not damn to you, Mrs. Slutsky.
我说吸尘器呢
I was obviously referring to the Hoover.
对于脏话我也绝不容忍♥
I'm also tough on foul language.
好的
Okay.
她竟然信了
Can't believe she bought that.
凯文每个政客都梦寐以求你所拥有的
Oh, Kev, you're in a position every politician dreams of --
支持你的选民都是白♥痴♥
all your constituents are idiots.
而你坐拥这一切
This thing is yours!
凯文你觉不觉得这么搞有点土里土气的
Kev, don't you think this whole thing is, like, kinda lame?
不觉得
Uh, no.
我觉得高端大气上档次且很重要
I think it's classy and important,
很有乡村俱乐部风很高贵性感
like country clubs or Jessica Rabbit.
艾丽森
Oh. Hey, Allison.
很高兴见到你
I'm happy to se you.
你是换了个人么
Has everything about you changed?
那个辣妹探员塔米·瑞吉维
Hey, that hottie Detective Tammy Ridgeway
刚打电♥话♥说那名非法闯入者
just called and said that the guy that broke in here
是个毒贩
was some sorta drug dealer,
时代的祸害
a real scourge of our time.
真的吗
Really?
- 她确认了 - 没错
She told you that for sure? Yep.
而我让他不再祸害邻里
And I got him off the streets.
给竞选添了一把火
The campaign is off to a rockin' start!
- 你真要竞选吗 - 没错
You're really running? Of course.
这可是我毕生梦想
It's my life's dream.
好吧但是你不是通常转眼就忘了
Okay, it's just that you usually, you know,
你的人生目标吗
forget about your life's dream before lunch.
我什么时候忘了
Give me one example.
就在三天前
Uh, well, three days ago,
你还说你想要成为一个父亲
your life's dream was to become a father.
天呐我都差点忘了
Oh, God. I forgot.
那可真太凶险了
Man, that was a close call, too.
你这周过得真难
Oh, what a hard week for you.
只是我发现我更高的目标是
It's just that I figured out that my higher purpose is...
成为整个社区的父亲
fathering the entire community.
一切就从今晚在我高贵又重要的麋鹿酒吧
And it all begins tonight at my first campaign event
的竞选活动开始
at the classy and important Moose Lodge.
你总是说高贵这个词
You say "classy" a lot.
你知道高贵是什么意思吗
Uh...do you know what classy means?
凯文坏消息
Uh, Kev, bad news.
麋鹿酒吧退出了
Looks like the Mooses have pulled out.
噢不
Oh, no.
嘿等你竞选成功
Hey, listen, when you get elected,
我们就吊销他们的卖♥♥酒执照作为报复
we revoke their liquor license as payback.
我不是很确定凯文
I-I don't know, Kev.
我觉得你还是放弃吧
I think you should probably just throw in the towel.
他说的有道理
He's got a point.
你看选址吊销这些事
You know, finding a venue, revoking stuff.
对你来说太难承担了
It's -- It's -- It's just a lot of verbs for you.
也对
That is true.
所以我们还是忘了这些更高的目标
So, let's forget this whole "higher purpose" thing
来玩终极捉迷藏吧
and play ultimate hide and seek.
不这点困难难不倒我
No. I know how to handle a little adversity, okay?
我只需要保持淡定什么都不做
I just need to sit around, do nothing at all,
等待上帝的旨意
and wait for God to provide a solution.
上帝总是会帮我
And He always does.
就像那把上帝放在你后院的枪吗
Like that gun He put in your back yard.
没错
Exactly.
我能进来吗
Can I, uh, come in?
里面吗
Inside here?
不行凯文在家现在不合适
No, Kevin is home. This is not a good time.
你不用担心我保证
It's not like that. I promise.
即使是他来开门也没有关系
He could have opened the door and it'd be fine.
谢谢
Thanks.
我
I I huh...
我喜欢你的咖啡桌
I like your coffee table.
很有艺术气息
It's very MoMa.
山姆你来干嘛
Sam, what are you doing here?
呃是对不起我想道歉
Yeah. Right. Sorry. I was sort of ramping up
但是有点难开口
to the apology, and, um...
我
I am...
对不起你
sorry.
那天你为了你的婚姻
You were trying to do the right thing the other day,
选择了做对的事
to work on your marriage,
但是咱们结束的方式
and I-I can't stand the fact
总让我觉得挺尴尬的
that we left things like that, and --
后来我听说有人
and then I heard about that guy,
闯进你家
the one who broke in here, and...
天呐如果你出了什么事的话
God, if something ever happened to you,
我不想我们的最后一次谈话是让你觉得我不
and the last things we said were that you thought I didn't --
对不起
I'm so sorry.
我想来看看你们俩现在
I had to come by and see how you were both doing
怎么样了
after everything,
如果有什么需要我做的话尽管说
and if you need anything, don't --
- 等下你这是在干嘛 - 我也不知道
- Wait, what are you doing? - I don't know.
- 我们不能在这那样做 - 我知道
- We cannot do that here. - I know.
但是我想要
But I wanted to.
我也想但是没理由冒着毁掉你生活的风险
So do I, but that's no reason to risk blowing up your life.
是啊
I mean...
可不是吗
isn't it?
你真这么想吗
Do you mean that?
是
Yeah.
是的我是这么想的
Yeah, I think I do.
我离开了珍
I left Jenn.
什么
You --
是的
Yeah.
我没法再待在那个房♥子
I can't stay in that house anymore.
我做不到
I couldn't.
如果你也有这种感觉的话
And, uh, if you're feeling that same way, too,
那应该趁此做出行动
then maybe this is our chance, you know,
这样我们就能在一起了
to really be together.
嘿艾丽森
Oh, hey, Allison.
我天你非要这样破门而入才行吗
God, do you always have to enter a room like that?
身为一个成功人士就该这样走进胜利之门
It's how winners go through swinging doors.
现在我知道你为什么服务生当不长久了
Oh. Now I know why you never lasted as a waiter.