凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E08

Part 1 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:45 p.m.

《凯文滚一边》前情提要
Previously on "Kevin Can F... Himself"...
做成入室抢劫的样子事情一搞定你就能拿到钱
and as soon as it's done, you'll get the money.
求你别解雇我他们会送我进监狱的
You can't fire me. They'll throw me in prison.
计划有变我们今晚就走
Change of plans. We're leaving tonight.
我不知道你何时变得如此破碎不堪
I don't know when you got so broken.
该死
Damn it!
你要去哪里
Where are you going?
也许我不想把接下来的15年
Maybe I don't want to waste the next 15 years
浪费在逃避现实上
trying to distract myself.
你就是我的真命天女
You are the right person.
是你
You.
好吧
Okay.
有人闯进咱家了
There's someone in the house.
这是枪吗
Is that a gun?
什么
What?
干嘛我只是很紧张
What? I'm stressed out.
把我关起来啊
Arrest me.
就是开个玩笑
Don't really.
天啊帕蒂
God. Patty.
感谢前来麦克罗伯茨夫人
Thank you for your time, Mrs. McRoberts.
- 嘿你好啊 - 嗨
Hey, you. Hi.
瑞吉维警官
Officer Ridgeway.
好吧
Right.
听我说对于你的惨痛经历我深表同情
Listen, I can't imagine how hard all this has been for you.
- 是 - 但你这段时间
Yeah. But you may not want
先别去看望家人最好连城都不要出
to go visit your mother, or go out of town at all.
以防我们还有别的事要问
In case we need anything else.
比如呢
Uh, like what?
枪击案是重大犯罪而你丈夫
We don't take shootings lightly, and your husband --
- 我怎么了 - 我刚还在说
What about me? I was just saying
你经历了一场可怕的事故
you were involved in a terrible ordeal,
我们会查个水落石出的
one we're gonna get to the bottom of.
我觉得自己简直做了一场噩梦啊
I feel like I'm in some sort of awful dream.
我们不想让你担心
But I don't want you to worry.
我们知道你为了保护家人做出了迫不得已之举
We know you did what you had to do to protect your family.
我只是不太明白
I just -- I don't understand
为什么会有人闯进我们家
why someone would break into our home.
大家都觉得自己很特别这种事不会发生在他们身上
Everyone thinks they're special, that this can't happen to them.
不不
No, no.
我们家烂的一批根本不值得抢啊
Our home is crappy. It's a dumb move.
在这片区域随机入室抢劫通常都与毒品有关
Around here, random break-ins are usually drug-related.
说明歹徒陷入绝望
It's desperation.
任何能当掉的东西都能让他们铤而走险
They're looking for anything they can pawn for a few bucks.
所以这就是你的推断吗
So, is that what you think this is?
以盗养毒吗
S-Stealing for drug money?
进一步的推断需要先拿到搜查令
We'll know more once the warrant goes through
对他家进行搜查后才能得知
and we get into his place.
大概什么时候
When will that be?
可能明天下午吧
Likely tomorrow afternoon.
那个嫌疑犯不能到场迎接我们的搜查了
And that lowlife won't be around to let us in himself.
这要归功于凯文
Kevin made sure of that.
等等他他已经
Wait. Did he -- Has he --
医院几分钟之前已经宣布他死亡了
They pulled the plug on him a few minutes ago.
毒品是这个时代的祸害
Drugs really are the scourge of our time.
我觉得心脏病才是
I'd argue heart disease.
从数字上来看
Just numbers-wise.
宝贝这事可不是动脉碎裂那么简单
Babe, this is not some sort of smushed artery, alright?
一个瘾君子潜入了咱家
Some drugged-up dude was in our house.
他本来可以
He could've --
想想就后怕
We could've --
我知道我知道的宝贝
I know. I know, babe.
凯我当警♥察♥22年了我告诉你
Kev, I've been a cop 22 years now, and let me tell you,
这种情况下完好无损存活下来的家庭很少
not very many families come out of this stuff unscathed.
你们真是万幸
You're one of the lucky ones.
嘿行吧
Heh. Yeah.
这也叫幸运走吧
Lucky. Come on.
兄弟
Buddy!
没事我没事
Alright! I'm alright.
你才不是没事
No, you're not.
一个230磅的傻帽儿压着你的气管这叫没事吗
Your airway's being constricted by 230 pounds of idiot.
想到有可能失去你我都有点想哭了小凯
I get a little emotional when I think about losing you, Kev.
知道我也不愿去想这个问题
Yeah. Well, I don't like thinking about it, either.
那就不要去想
That's why you don't.
你得把一切想法和感觉压下去
You got to push all those thoughts and feelings
一直到压到胃里
way down into your stomach
让它们在胃里形成一个小洞
until it creates, like, a little hole
存放你一切所思所想
where you can keep all that stuff.
这叫饼干口袋
A cookie pocket.
那叫溃疡皮特
That's an ulcer, Pete.
不是
No.
就是饼干口袋
It's a cookie pocket.
吃了饼干人心情就变好
You eat cookies, and you feel better.
真把自己当护士了
Psh. Thinks she's a nurse now,
来教育我们什么饼干口袋哈
telling us what a cookie pocket is. Heh.
我还是不敢相信有人闯进了我家
I just can't believe that someone was in here.
我懂我高中还跟他一起打曲棍球呢
I know. And the dude was on my hockey team in high school.
他那时就总是射不准
Couldn't shoot then, either.
兄弟你还好吗你看起来跟帕蒂一样
You okay, bro? You look like Patty after --
老天爷现在就挺像的
Oh, my God. Right now.
我不知道兄弟
I don't know, bro.
我眉毛中间好像压着什么东西
It's like there's something weighing down my eyebrows,
我总想皱眉
making me frown.
这就是婚姻啊
That's called marriage.
你听到了吗孩子
Did you hear that one, son?
我刚说这就是婚姻啊
I said, "That's called marriage."
金句啊
Up top!
是的但是
Yeah, it's, uh --
但我一点都笑不出来
It's just not doing it for me.
哇这就严肃了
Whoa. This is serious.
是啊我知道
I know. I know.
你说了句很好笑的话
That was a hilarious joke,
但我的笑容按键好像失灵了
and yet it's like my laugh button's on the fritz.
苍天啊我是怎么了
God. What is wrong with me?
不孩子你对自己太苛刻了
No, y-you're being too hard on yourself, son.
- 你刚刚经历了一场大变 - 是的
Look, this all just happened. Yeah.
天主教♥徒♥释放压抑需要时间
Good Catholic repression takes time.
和睡眠
And sleep.
我知道了就这么办
You know what? That's it.
你得好好睡一觉才能恢复正常
You need a good snooze to fix you up.
有道理有道理
Yeah. Yeah.
- 也许能行 - 当然
Maybe that'll do it. Sure.
我帮你铺个舒服的小堡垒怎么样
You want me to make you a nice, comfy fort to nap in?
- 不用了谢谢兄弟 - 来吧
No thanks, bro. Oh, come on.
保证让你感觉比猎了一天恐龙
Makes you feel like a caveman all tuckered
瘫在床上的原始人还舒服
from a long day of hunting dinosaurs.
我说了不用
I said no!
我
I --
我只想静静
I just need to be alone.
我只是好心帮忙啊
I just wanted to help.
我知道伙计也他是可能是
I know, buddy. Look, he's probably just starting
悟到了什么我们前几年就悟出来的事情
to realize what we all knew years ago.
小堡垒太蠢了吗
That forts are dumb?
对堡垒很蠢的
Yeah. Forts are dumb.
好吧到底什么情况
Okay, what the hell --
- 是尼克 - 什么
It was Nick. What?
他本应该一周后出现的
He wasn't supposed to come for another week.
我当然知道但谁能想到他不听指挥
Oh, trust me, I know. But why listen to instruction
偏偏选在在凯文喝了红牛还带着枪
when it's more fun to come on a night when Kevin's
的晚上突然造访呢
amped on Red Bull and has a gun?
就是啊谁凯文哪儿来的枪
I know. Who would give Kevin a gun?