凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E04

Part 6 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

我为什么闻到了露营的味道
Why does it smell like camping?
这是烟吗
Is that smoke?
闻起来像腌牛肉
Smells like corned beef.
你们谁把腌牛肉放到我烤箱里了
One of you guys put a corned beef in my oven?
哦不对是我老婆放的
Oh, I think my wife did it.
该死她怎么能一走了之
God, how dare she leave
把这个烂摊子留给我
and let everything go to hell like this.
好吧所以我们都会被烟雾窒息而死
Great, so now we're gonna die of smoke inhalation?
好了先冷静下好吗
Okay, okay, just cool it, alright?
我们只需要开窗通通风
We just gotta air the place out a little bit.
换换空气什么的
You know, get some ventilation.
什么竟然有窗户
Wait, there's a window?
你为什么不告诉我们
Okay, uh, why didn't you guys tell us
这里可以出去
there was a way out?
因为出不去
'Cause it's not.
这个尺寸太小成年人是
It's clearly too small for any actual adult to...
过不去的
fit through.
你去加油我去买♥♥瓶红牛
You pump. I'm gonna get a Red Bull
和薄荷糖给我们提提神
and stock up on menthols while we're outta state.
你要喝红牛吗
You want a Red Bull?
不了谢谢喝了总感觉怪怪的
Ooh, no thanks. That stuff freaks me out.
里面有化学物质
All those chemicals?
行吧你真是个清教♥徒♥
Yes, you're such a puritan.
艾丽森
Allison?
艾丽森
Allison?!
不好意思
Sorry.
我肯定从家里带了零用钱的
I'm sure I brought some emergency cash from home.
不着急
Take your time.
糟了
Oh, shoot.
帕蒂你这是干嘛
Patty, what the hell are you doing?
不敢相信他竟然跟踪你到这里
I can't believe he followed you here.
什么
What?
这就是你说的那个人吧
That -- isn't that the guy?
杰森
Jason?
不他不是杰森他就是个路人
No, this isn't Jason. This is just some guy.
我可是我以为我在救你
I -- but, uh, I was saving you.
帕蒂咱们得走了好吗
Patty, we gotta go, okay?
我是在救你
I was saving you.
亲爱的这不是那个人
Honey, that wasn't the guy.
我们得马上走好吗
We gotta go now. Okay?
好的走吧快
Okay, come on. Come on.
你还好吗
You okay?
我帮你关掉暖气
Want me to turn down the heat?
别
No.
好
Okay.
别介意哈
You mind?
咱们这就回家好吧
Let's just go home, okay?
嗯嗯
Mm-hmm.
别担心
Hey, it's fine.
一切都会没事的
Everything's gonna be fine.
艾丽森
Allison?
没事的
It's going to be fine.
我的天啊
Oh, God.
- 没事的 - 死定了
It's fine. What the hell?
别说没事这又不是
Stop saying it's fine. This isn't --
听我说我爸以前是警♥察♥
Listen, my dad was a cop, okay?
好好坐着保持镇定
Just sit there and try not to look so terrified.
天
Jesus.
驾照出示一下
License and registration.
当然
Of course.
抱歉有点紧张
Sorry. I'm nervous.
从来没被交♥警♥叫停过
Never been pulled over before.
我是不是忘打转向灯了
Did I, um -- did I not signal to something?
姓名
Name?
艾丽森·德维尼·麦克罗伯茨
Allison Devine McRoberts.
德维尼是我娘家姓我爸是赖斯·德维尼
Devine is my maiden name. My father was Les Devine.
他是伍斯特警局的警♥察♥
He worked for the Worcester Police --
你的呢
Officer: And you.
帕帕迪
Uh, P-Patty. Um, P--
帕特里夏·奥康纳
Um, Patricia O'Connor.
你们从伍斯特开了挺远啊
Quite a ways from Worcester.
来佛蒙特做什么
What's your business in Vermont?
我们我们是来参加一个美容博览会的
Oh, we were, uh -- we were attending a Beauty Expo.
看上去什么也没买♥♥
Doesn't look like you bought anything.
你知道辆车为什么会报失窃吗
Do you have any idea why this car was reported stolen?
失窃
Stolen?
这是我老公的车
This is my husband's car.
上报失窃的人叫凯文·麦克罗伯茨
The report was filed by a Kevin McRoberts.
我真是太蠢了
I am such an idiot.
我借了老公的车
I, um -- I borrowed the car, and I just --
又忘了跟他讲我多久才能到家
I forgot to tell him how long I'd be gone.
手♥机♥也没电了
And then my phone died.
我真的太抱歉了
I am so, so sorry, officer,
浪费了您的时间
for wasting your time.
如果你们需要我们去警局进一步调查的话
I completely understand if we need to
我完全理解和配合
come down to the station till we sort this out.
我觉得没必要
I don't think we need to do all that.
你的姓跟登记地址是一致的
Last name and address are the same.
明眼人都能看出来
Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out.
要不借你朋友的手♥机♥给老公回个电♥话♥吧
Maybe use your friend's phone and call your hubby?
报个平安
Check in.
当然
'Course.
非常感谢
Thank you so much.
抱歉
Sorry.
一路平安
Officer: Drive safe.
谢谢您
Thank you.
谢谢你
Thank you.
不客气
Anytime.
非常感谢
Thank you so much.
我天他竟然报♥警♥了
Oh, my God. He called the cops?
就因为你没回他电♥话♥
Because you didn't answer your phone?
不是
No.
他肯定是有其他原因
I'm sure he had a great reason.
凯文你报♥警♥了吗
Kevin, you called the police?
我还能怎么办
What was I supposed to do?
我都联♥系♥你一整天了
I've been trying to reach you all day.
我以为你像《飓风营救》里那样被绑♥架♥了
I thought you'd been Liam Neeson "Taken."
我脑海里全是你血溅卡车
I pictured you lying dead in the trunk
暴徒开着我车的画面
with some thug driving off in my car.
我又害怕又担心不过知道你没事
I was scared and concerned, and I'm so relieved
我松了一口气因为我找不到曲奇饼放哪儿了
that you're okay because I can't find the Crisco.
拉
Pull!
使劲拉
Pull!
就在储藏间
It's in the pantry.
第一层上面写着曲奇饼
Top shelf. It says "Crisco" on it.
我不知道你的棕熊队帽子在哪儿
No, I don't know where your Bruins hat is.
你去衣柜里找过了吗
Have you checked in your closet?
还有别的事吗
Okay, anything else?
我刚才说过了曲奇饼在壁橱里
Like I just said, the Crisco is in the pantry.
好吧
Okay?
如果当初接电♥话♥就好了
And that's why I should've picked up the phone.
所以你怪到我头上来了
So it's my fault?
好像我早知道他会做出
Like I could've predicted he'd do something like
- 报♥警♥这种事儿一样 - 对
call the cops? Yeah.
你也认识他10年了
You've been hanging out with him for 10 years.
但是这
But this -- this is --
这不一样吗
Different?
对
Yeah.
行吧好
Okay. Okay.
帕蒂你还记得我♥干♥的那份律师助理工作吗
Patty, do you remember when I got that job as a paralegal?