凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E05

Part 2 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

一个微不足道的问题
Just one teeny tiny, itsy bitsy question.
你们真以为我不会发现
Did you really think I wouldn't find out
你俩在公路旅行中都干了什么吗
what you two did on your road trip?!
我要化身海关警员一秒钟
I'm gonna make like a border guard here
如果你们有什么要申报的现在就交代
and ask if there's anything you'd like to declare.
- 没有 - 没有
-No? -No?
这就让你们现场打脸
And boom goes the dynamite!
我在车后排座位下面
I found this burger wrapper from Top Dog
发现了了王牌狗汉堡的包装
laying on the back floor of my car.
我们忘带走垃圾了你就为这事生气
You're mad that we left a wrapper in your car?
凯文我们还在后座下面发现了一整块奶酪呢
Kevin, we found a whole wheel of cheese under one of the seats.
它只是在发酵
Hey, that was aging.
我不是为了垃圾而生你们的气
Oh, no. This is not about the mess.
你们俩开车去的那个美容用品博览会
This so-called "beauty expo" that the two of you took
位于伯瑞特伯勒
my car to was located in Brattleboro,
可离那儿最近的王牌狗汉堡店
yet the nearest Top Dog burger franchise
在伯灵顿
is located in Burlington.
也就是说
Well --So, what happened then is that --
根据你俩的描述
by your own account --
你们绕道开了整整三个小时的车
you both drove three full hours out of your way
就为了吃个王牌狗汉堡
to eat at Top Dog?
却竟然没有给我带一个
And you didn't bring a burger back for me?!
- 不可原谅的 - 大不敬
Unforgivable! Sacrilege!
证据不会说谎女士们
The evidence doesn't lie, ladies!
凯文
Oh! Kevin!
主要是觉得带回来都凉了
The burger would have gotten cold on the drive back.
我买♥♥的烤面包机是干嘛用的
And that's why I have a toaster oven, Patty!
哇被他抓了个正着
Wow. He -- He caught us.
对这张烤箱图说明了一切我们认栽
Yep. Picture of a toaster oven. Lock us up.
不
No.
这里没什么我们
This is not an "us" problem.
艾丽森对连锁快餐一窍不通
You see, Allison doesn't know squat about fast food,
这个可怜人
bless her heart.
她很原始
She's simple.
她思想很闭塞
She's narrow-minded.
她还坐在你面前呢
She's right here.
她只知道吃沙拉
She likes salad.
- 乏味 - 无趣
Boo.Boo.
艾丽森不会给任何人买♥♥汉堡的
Allison would never pick up a burger for anyone.
可你呢
But you?
你本应该更懂的
You shoulda known better.
本帮容不下这种行径
The group can't have that.
所以帕蒂·奥康纳
So, Patty O'Connor, you are hereby...
你被驱逐出教会了
excommunicated.
这个词的意思是说
What that means is that you are no longer allowed in
你再也不允许出现在教堂里 - 词义我懂
or sometimes near a church --I know what it means, Pete.
在这里是指凯文教堂
Yeah, well, in this case, it's the church of Kevin.
这是一个艰难的决定
This isn't easy on any of us,
但你可以自己开帮立派
but you're free now to start a new gang.
你可以带艾丽森一起
You can take Allison.
得了吧我谢谢你
Gee, thanks.
- 喂 - 抱歉条件反射
Hey! Sorry. Reflex.
我们也会再招新的人
And we will move on as well.
镇子上像你这样的人多了
This town is flush with Pattys.
我们可以随便挑
It's a buyers' market for Pattys.
祝你购物愉快
Happy shopping.
我知道你喜欢买♥♥便宜货
I know you love a bargain.
不信你去看看艾丽森的衣柜
You can tell by Allison's wardrobe.
- 喂 - 抱歉条件反射
Hey!Sorry. Reflex.
- 我觉得挺顺利 - 我觉得也是
I think that went great.I think so.
等等
Yeah.
怎么了
What?
你还好吧
You okay?
挺好的管他呢
Yeah. I'm fine. Whatever.
你知道他不久就会回心转意的快得很
You know he's gonna change his mind in, like, two minutes.
他这人就这样
It's how he is.
我才不想让他回心转意你
I-I don't want him to change his mind.
我不在乎
I don't care.
那怎么能让你开心起来呢
Okay, well, you know what would cheer you up?
我都说了我没生气
I said I don't care.
咱们去做点蠢事发泄一下如何
Why don't we do something stupid tonight?
你都知道是蠢事了为什么还去做啊
Why would we do something if we knew it was stupid?
因为有时候蠢事自有其乐趣啊
Because sometimes, stupid can be fun.
我们可以溜进社区游泳池
We can, like, break into the community pool
游个泳或者去海边
and go swimming, or we could go to the Seas
骗那些已婚男人的酒喝
and scam drinks off married guys.
我要回家去吃个肉卷饼
I'm gonna go home and eat a really big burrito.
你玩得愉快吧
Have fun.
老天爷啊
Jesus Christ.
没有老天爷只有我
Don't worry. It's just me.
你又是谁怎么进来的
Yeah, and who the hell are you? How'd you get in here?
我撬开了后门的锁
I picked the lock at the back.
这个发廊已经开了很久了
You know, this place has been here forever.
生意一定很好
Business must be good.
还行吧大家都得剪头发啊
Yeah. People always need haircuts.
哦当然
Oh, yeah.
我辛迪姑姑很喜欢在你这里剪头发
Aunt Cindy just loves your haircuts.
辛迪
C-Cindy?
辛迪是你
Cindy is your --
姑姑没错她人可好了
Aunt. Yeah. Nice lady.
但她有药物滥用的毛病
Real bad pill problem, though.
我经常把她的药拿走一些
I've been taking some off her hands.
我很爱家人的
I'm a family man.
所以如果换个角度想
So, if you think about it,
你一直都在给我们两个人供货
you've kind of been selling to the both of us.
我跟她不是这样说的
That's not the deal we had.
那你觉得真实情况是什么呢
Um, what did you think was happening?
我瘦弱的老姑
That my little old auntie
一周要吃两瓶药
was throwing back two bottles a week?
得了吧
Come on.
她的膝盖有问题
She's got knee issues.
对
Yeah.
这个镇子有这类问题的人很多
There are plenty of people with "issues" in this town,
你帮了他们的大忙
and you've been helping out a lot of 'em.
我一半的朋友都是通过你买♥♥的药
Half my friends buy through you.
这不可能
That-- That's not possible.
是吗你的客人们开始大量下单时
Hey, you didn't ask questions
你一个问题都没问过
when your ladies started to put in bulk orders.
我懂我真的懂
I get that. I do.
为什么要把问题复杂化呢
Why complicate things?
不过如果你突然没货源了
But if you're gonna dry up the well all of a sudden,
那就要给所有的客人一个交代
you gotta answer to all your real customers.
瑞吉维警官你好
Ah. Detective Ridgeway.
你又回来了
Back again.
我就是这么事无巨细
I'm nothing if not thorough.
我们不是已经谈完了吗
I think we covered everything.
这应该由我来决定
Well, that's kind of for me to say, right?
我们还在找这个毒贩子
We're still looking for this dealer,
我听说这一带
and I heard some stuff about this area.
有个叫尼克·温多夫
You know of any -- Nick Wyndorff.
你不是来惹事的吧
You keeping your nose clean?
当然不是瑞吉维警官
You bet, Detective Ridgeway.
我是来洗头的
Just got a nice wash.
呃这些我都不太清楚
Yeah. I don't really know anything about that.
也许线索到那个叫菲奥雷的家伙就断了
Maybe it ended with the guy at Fiore's.
不我觉得线索在他之后还有更多
No. I think I have a pretty good lead beyond that.
哦好吧
Oh, good.
毒品什么的
Drugs are...
最可怕了
bad.
你下周五有什么打算
And what are you doing next Friday?