凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E01

Part 1 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:43 p.m.

哇七连中
Oh!Seven in a row!
凯文连得七分
That's seven for Kevin!
凯文连下七城宝贝
We're in Seventh Kevin, baby!
再来一个就彻底横扫了孩子
Hey, one more and that's a sweep, son,
也就是说你得脱裤子了尼尔
and that means a naked lap for you, Neil!
天啊又来
God, not again.
帕蒂你又在乎啥你是妹妹
Patty, what do you care? You're my sister.
你以前还给我换过尿布来着
You used to change my diapers.
你不觉得很奇怪吗因为你还比我大三岁呢
Which is weird 'cause you're three years older than me.
好了来看这个
Come on.Alright. Watch this.
开始了凯文
Here we go. Kevin.
像拉里·伯德那样转身跳投
Larry Bird!
对不起老妈
I mean, sorry, Mom.
尼尔我家第一条家规是什么
Neil, what is our one house rule?
洋基队宇宙最烂
Together: Yankees suck.
错是别叫我老妈
No. Don't call me Mom.
嗯不过当然洋基队烂透了
And, yes, of course, Yankees suck.
看起来挺好玩的
Well, this looks fun.
我在练习呢
This is practice.
不能输了我们周年派对上的
Can't lose the beer pong tournament
啤酒乒乓赛啊
at our anniversary party.
对了派对的事
Okay, yes, well, about the party.
我一直在想
I've been thinking --Patty: Oh.
不要啊
Man. No!
也许我们不搞喝酒跳舞的轰趴
That maybe, instead of a rager,
用成年人的方式
we could celebrate our 10th anniversary
庆祝我们的十周年纪念日
with something more...adult.
- 比如说三人行吗 - 三人行
Like a threesome?Like a threesome?
不是的
Um, no. No.
比如说一起像成年人一样吃顿晚餐
Like, maybe a-a grown-up dinner together.
毕竟我们都35岁了
I mean, we are 35.
但你是35岁的女人我是35岁的男孩
Yeah, but you're lady 35 and I'm boy 35.
有什么区别
What's the difference?
我正是男人三十一朵花的年纪而你
Well, I'm just hitting my prime, and you --
当然也是
...are, too.
脑子很快她应该信了
Very quick. I think she bought it.
拜托
Come on.
你喜欢周年轰趴的
You love the Anniversa-rager.
虽然你嘴上说着我不要
You always say, "I don't want one!"
但我知道你身体还是很诚实的
But I know you have the best time
最喜欢筹划轰趴了
putting it together and -- Oh!
我确实很喜欢筹划的那个阶段
I do love a planning phase.
不愧为我老婆
That's my girl.
没有你的流程图的派对是不完整的
Nothing says "party" like your flowcharts.
好吧
Alright.
把这摊收拾一下好吗
Let's get this all cleared up, okay?
快要吃晚餐了
'Cause dinner's almost ready.
不要啊马上轮到我了
-Oh, come on! -I'm up next!
知道了我为啥叫你老妈子了吧
No, see, this is why I call you "Mom."
兄弟们别惹她好吗
Guys, leave her alone, alright?
总得有个管事的人吧
Someone has to be responsible. Right?
谢谢你
Thank you.
好吧宝贝这样吧不如我们
Okay, babe, how about this -- how about next year,
明年周年纪念再按你的想法来好吗
we will celebrate our anniversary your way, 'kay?
好了搞定
Okay. Yoink.
重新开玩
Game on!
游戏结束去裸跑吧尼尔
Game over! It's naked lap time, Neil!
- 对了宝贝 - 干嘛
Hey, babe.Yes?
能给我们拿点吃的吗
Can you grab us freshies?
艾莉森别看我啊
Allison, avert your eyes.
看我一眼你会离开凯文的
I can't have you leaving Kevin for me.
我没事别担心
I'm fine!
行吧
Okay.
刚看到一只很大的蟑螂我把它踩死了
I just stepped on a very large roach.
不要啊真的踩死了吗
Aw, no. Did you kill it?
伍斯特丰收节还有个最大害虫的比赛呢
Worcester Harvest Fair has a contest for biggest vermin.
可不是吗
'Course we do.
下次别弄死它把它扫进你的鞋里
Next time, just, uh, sweep 'im into your shoe.
它比我的鞋还大
It was bigger than my shoe.
天啊它要是有后代该多好
God. I hope he had babies.
我不是说不吃绿油油的东西吗
Uh, what have I said about green stuff?
这是配菜
It's garnish.
炒蛋和热狗的配菜吗
On scrambled eggs and hot dogs?
是啊
Yes.
行吧
Uh. Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom.
凯文我给你买♥♥这些
Ke-- Mm. Kevin, when I bought you
柯特·席林杯垫的时候你答应我你会用的
those Curt Schilling coasters, you promised you'd use them.
这张咖啡桌可是陶器坊的
This coffee table's from Pottery Barn.
二手店买♥♥的的陶器坊只能是二手货
Pottery Barn from Goodwill is just Goodwill.
就跟从麦当劳买♥♥龙虾一样
It's like getting lobster from McDonald's.
这是我们家最上档次的东西了
It's the nicest thing we have in this house.
我的韦德·博格斯新秀卡不配拥有姓名吗
Uh, I think you're forgetting about my Wade Boggs rookie card.
呃配吧
No, I'm not.
我们在这里已经10年了
Hey. We've been here for 10 years now.
你不觉得咱们应该取点存款
Don't you think it's time we take some of the money
投资一下咱们的未来吗
we've saved and invest in our future?
韦德·博格斯只会觉得感恩
Wade Boggs only appreciates.
你可曾有过这种感觉也许是时候做些改变了
You never get that feeling that maybe change wouldn't be so --
没有
Nope.
好吧都几点了
Well, look at the time.
你真的该出门了
You really should get -- really should get going.
真扫兴
Aw. Man.
我们今天能缓一缓吗
Can't we switch places for the day?
怎么换
How'd that work?
你穿着肥大的工装安装电缆
Well, uh, you can wear a fat suit and install cable,
我去世界上最快乐的地方工作
and I can work at the happiest place on Earth.
- 就只是一家卖♥♥酒的小店 - 我说的就是这个意思
It's a liquor store.I know what I said.
太不公平了你可以在烈酒店工作
It's no fair that you get to work there
我就只能卑躬屈膝地接受
while I have to watch my snobby boss
我老板把装光纤的活儿交给布伦达
give the fiber optic job to Brenda. To Brenda.
本该是我的工作
That job was mine.
报酬都是一样的啊
Well, it pays the same.Psh.
声望是无法用钱衡量的
You can't put a price on prestige.
陶器坊同理
Tell that to Pottery Barn.
好吧我要提前出门办点事
Okay. Well, I'm gonna go run some errands before work.
对了要是你不知道送我什么
Oh. Uh, hey, if you're looking
周年纪念日礼物
for an anniversary gift idea for me,
给你个灵感现在出了那种含酒精的甜筒了
they make alcoholic snow cones now, so, just an idea.
你已经写在浴室镜子上了
I saw the note you left on the bathroom mirror.
你知道你是用永久记号♥笔写的吧
You know that's permanent marker, right?
是为了永久地提醒你啊
Well, that's 'cause it's a permanent reminder.
你一定在想我会送你什么礼物
And I'm sure you're wondering what I'm gonna get you for the occasion,
- 告诉尼尔吧他会告诉我的 - 告诉尼尔吧他就会告诉你的
so tell Neil what to get and he'll tell me.Tell Neil what to get and he'll tell you.
知道就好
Okay.
爱你
Love you.
爱你
Love you.
一棵参天大树
* A shady tree
你和我
* You and me
如此年轻自♥由♥
* So young and free
对这些都是生命最美的东西
* Yes, these are the best things in life
消散
* Fly away
温暖的拥抱
* A warm embrace
微笑的面庞
* A smiling face
怎么能随便扔垃圾呢
Pick up your trash.
讲点素质啊
It's not that hard.
生活
* In life
如果缺了你的爱
* Without your love
毫无意义
* It doesn't mean a thing
因为只有你让这些事情
* For only you can make these things
值得铭记
* Worth remembering