凯文滚一边（2021）

Kevin Can F- Himself S01E07

Part 4 Oct. 25, 2021, 2:44 p.m.

是我们乐队的名字啊
It's our band name. Yeah.
珍妮·麦卡锡的短背心
Jenny McCarthy Tank Top?
名字好吧我们都不用做市场营销了
It's brilliant. We'll save a bundle on marketing.
是啊所有我认识的人
Yeah, everyone I know already Googles
都在网上搜珍妮·麦卡锡的短背心
"Jenny McCarthy Tank Top" constantly.
那个金发女郎的短背心一出现
Now our sound will pop up
就会有我们的歌♥
right next to the blonde in the half shirt.
或者也可能是迈克尔·法斯宾德
It was either that or... * Fassbender's Hog!
不用上班不需要负责任
No day jobs. No responsibilities.
只有音乐和美好的未来
Just the music and the open road.
我想想哈
And let me guess.
我来敲手鼓吧
I'm on tambourine.
我们其实没想包括你
we didn't exactly, uh, factor you in.
对啊
Yeah.
你知道如何开巡演大巴吗
Well, uh, what do you know about driving a tour bus?
或者或者能从MM豆的袋子里
Or -- Or -- Or picking out
挑出绿色的MM豆吗
only green M&M's from bags of other M&M's?
嘿嘿嘿等等
Hey, hey, hey. Hold up.
乐队会议
Band meeting.
我们不能在
We cannot have a girl
珍妮·麦卡锡的短背心这种乐队中招揽一个女队员
in a band named Jenny McCarthy Tank Top.
对啊那多怪啊
I guess that would be pretty weird.
除非是珍妮·麦卡锡本人
Unless it's Jenny McCarthy.
那我们达成一致了
So we're agreed then?
我们绝对不能让除了珍妮·麦卡锡之外的女人
We put the kibosh on chicks in the bank
加入我们的乐队
who aren't Jenny McCarthy?
即便像帕蒂这种半男半女的
Even a half-chick like Patty?
珍妮·麦卡锡的短背心
Men: * Jenny McCarthy Tank Top
抱歉了
I'm sorry, man,
但是我们乐队没有你的位置
but there's just no room for you in Jenny McCarthy...
短背心
* Tank Top * Top
艾莉森呢
And what about Allison?
她正在浴室里打扮
She's in the bathroom getting all dolled up
假装自己是个追星族
to be a groupie.
对啊
Oh, you know,
帕蒂你也可以做个追星族
I'd say you could be a groupie, too, Patty,
但你不追尼尔所以
but you obviously can't be with Neil, so...
你可以做皮特的粉丝
you'd have to be Pete's.
太粘人了
Too clingy.
艾莉森
Allison?
帕蒂
Patty?
嗯
Yes.
只能是我啊
Obviously.
你在里面干嘛呢
What're you doing in here?
我
I'm...
天哪你到底怎么了
Jesus, what the hell happened to you?
没什么
Nothing.
你确定吗
you sure?
我没事
Yeah. I'm fine.
- 你在哭啊 - 我没有
You're sobbing. No, I'm not.
没有
I'm not.
上次我哭好像是10年前的事了
Last time I cried was, like, 10 years ago,
而且就算是那时也只是因为
and even then, it was 'cause I saw a dog
我看见一只狗在小卖♥♥店外面被车撞了
get hit by a car outside the package store.
我是铁石心肠吗
What, am I made of stone?
连查克叔叔假装过敏那天我都没哭
Even Uncle Chuck pretended to have allergies that day, okay?
闭嘴
Ugh. Shut up.
都集中在一周了
It's been happening all week.
是身体的原因
It's like a physical thing.
我控制不住就好像打喷嚏一样
I can't help it. It's like a -- a sneeze.
好吧
Yeah.
我也想在浴缸中喝多了然后打几个喷嚏
I like to get drunk alone in the tub to sneeze, too.
我应该习惯了才对
I should just get used to it, right?
自己喝多了简直
"Drunk and alone" is a nice snapshot
就是我人生的写照
of the rest of my life.
- 别这样 - 你才别这样
Come on. No, you come on!
我做过很多坏事帕蒂
I've done some shit, Patty.
我现在就像是个魔鬼一样我我伤害别人
I'm like a monster now. I-I hurt people.
对警♥察♥撒谎
I lied to a police officer.
你觉得那是你做过的最差劲的事吗
You think that's the worst thing you've done?
我冒了这么大险
I just risked everything
就为了在这之后等一切都了了
so that afterwards, when it's done,
我可以自己孤独的死去
I get to die alone. Jesus.
而且我的子♥宫♥都干瘪了
And I'm basically all dried up down there,
甚至没办法生出个孩子来为了内疚而爱我
so I can't even have kids to guilt into loving me.
什么
What?
你又不想要孩子
Do you even want kids?
想要啊
Of course.
女人不都想要孩子吗
That's what you do.
我只是不想要凯文的孩子
I just don't want Kevin's.
不
No.
拿来吧你
Gimme that.
我完了
I'm broken.
在这之前
And before all this,
你就是完美的化身是吗
you were the picture of perfection?
得了吧
Please.
谢谢
Thank you.
不我
No, I --
我是说我之前无法忍♥受和你在一起
I mean, I couldn't stand being around you before.
你就像一株长尖尖的室内植物
You had the presence of, like, a pointy houseplant.
但是很烦人是烦人的小马榕树
But a naggy one. A naggy ficus.
这就是你和蔼的样子吗
Is this you being nice?
我是说我来找你
I mean, I came up here looking for you
不是因为事情要搞砸了
not because things were going to shit
所以我必须和你谈谈但是是因为我想
and I had to talk to you, but because I wanted to.
我只是我是说
I'm just -- I'm saying...
如果这就是你最糟糕的样子
if this is you broken...
如果这就是你最糟糕的样子
If this is you broken...
那就保持这样吧
stay broken.
来吧
Come on.
什么
What?
来吧
Come on.
- 进这里啊 - 嗯哼
In there? Mm-hmm.
闭嘴
Shut up.
我也喜欢和你聊天
I like talking to you, too.
也许我们可以一起孤独地死去
So maybe we can die alone together.
噢我的爱人
* Oh, my love
噢我的爱人
* Oh, my love
我亲爱的
* My darling
我渴望你的抚摸
* I've hungered for your touch
已经很久很久了
* A long, lonely time
你就是对的人
You are the right person.
你
You.
好吧
Okay?
噢我的爱人
* Ooh, my love
好吧
Okay.
噢我的爱人
* Ooh, my love
我的爱人
* My love
你能想到有谁最近和你丈夫
Bob: Is there anyone you can think of who's been in conflict
卷入过冲突吗
with your husband lately?
有没有人想伤害他
Anyone who... might want to hurt him?
我不大家都喜欢凯文
I don't -- Everybody loves Kevin.
那天早些时候和他的一个朋友
Was there an argument earlier in the day
发生过争执吗
with a friend of his?
呃尼尔
Uh, Neil?
他和入侵者是伯恩寇特的同一支
He and the intruder were on the same hockey team
曲棍球队的队员
together at Burncoat.
也许吧
I mean, maybe.
不我
No, K--
尼尔不可能做出这种事
Neil's not capable of something like this.