糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E12
Part 3
Jan. 3, 2021, 1:01 p.m.
在他生命快到尽头时
and towards the end of his life
他愈发多疑
he got increasingly paranoid that
认为有人想谋杀他
someone was trying to kill him.
"胖国王从此过上了幸福快乐的生活"
"And so the big fat King lived happily ever after."
挺好 我想我可以睡觉觉了
That's nice, well, I think I'm ready for beddy.
还需要什么吗 陛下
And do you have everything you need, Your Majesty?
没有了
Yes, I think so.
我怕今晚会死 都把小帽子放在旁边了
I have my little hat in case I die in the night,
亨利八世真的戴着皇冠睡觉
不过我今晚不会死的 对吧 管家
but I won't die in the night, will I, Chamberlain?
不会的 陛下 您状态很好
No, no, Your Majesty, you're in great shape,
不过还是把皇冠放旁边吧
but best take the crown.
这样万一您真死了
That way if you do die...
当然这是不可能的
Which you won't,
来世的人就会知道您是国王了
then everyone in the afterlife will know you were a king.
我的皇家擦臀人也准备就绪了
And I have my royal bottom wiper
万一我夜里要上大号♥呢
in case I need to go for a poo.
-晚上好 陛下 -刺客
- Good evening, Your Majesty. - Assassin!
他真的有为他擦屁♥股♥的人
那只是您的皇家擦臀人 陛下
That's just your royal bottom wiper, sire.
对 对 我知道
Oh, yes, yes, I knew that.
那么祝您晚安
Well, I shall bid you goodnight, then.
好吧
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
管家 出去的时候
Oh, Chamberlain, brick up the door
把门用砖砌死 知道了吧
on your way out, will you?
-陛下 您是说把门关上吗 -不
- Don't you mean shut the door, Your Majesty? - No, no.
我希望从现在开始用砖头堵死
I want to have it bricked up from now on.
你可能觉得我有点妄想症
Call me an increasingly mad and paranoid old fool,
但任何人都可能走进来谋杀熟睡的我
but anyone could wander in and murder me in my sleep.
有天晚上
Only the other night
我发现一个男人藏在我的床尾
I found a man hiding at the end of my bed.
那是我 陛下
That was me, Your Majesty.
他又来了
There he is again!
那只是您的皇家擦臀人
That's just your royal bottom wiper!
是的 我知道 无论如何
Yes, I knew that. Well, anyway,
任何人都可能走进来
anyone can wander in
但是如果每晚
but if I have a brick wall
都在我的卧室门口砌一座砖墙
built right across my bedroom door every night,
我就会非常安全了 对吧
I shall be as safe as houses, won't I?
亨利八世确实曾在艾灵顿城♥堡♥这样做
我已经叫了一位工匠
I've already booked a builder, yeah.
这是相当聪慧明智的预防措施
That's a very wise and sensible precaution.
-晚安 陛下 -晚安
- Good night, Your Majesty. - Good night, yeah.
-管家 -陛下
- Chamberlain. - Your Majesty.
没有大堆零食陪我度过漫漫长夜
Am I to starve to death bricked up in here
我会在砖墙后饿死的
without so much of a snack to get me through the night?
我很抱歉 陛下
I'm so sorry, Your Majesty.
这才像话嘛
Ah, that's more like it.
炸野猪酿鹿肉
Deep fried boar stuffed with venison.
-您叫我 陛下 -有刺客
- You called, Sire. - Oh, assassin!
亨利八世变得非常肥胖
Henry the VIII became so fat
结果侍从们得用小型起重机抬他上楼
they had to use a small crane to take him upstairs.
我不是医生
Now, I'm no doctor
但是当你需要用起重机抬上楼时
but when you need a crane to carry you upstairs
可能是时候开始减肥了
it's probably time to go on a diet.
牛气的撒克逊人
你担心财产安全吗
Do you have financial worries,
担心维京人可能抢走你的全部财产
worried that a Viking might steal all your treasure?
那么为什么不用撒克逊的方式投资理财呢
Then why not invest your money the Saxon way,
使用撒克逊银行[堆]
with Saxon Bank.
是的 撒克逊银行[堆]真的就是一堆
Yes, Saxon Bank is literally a bank,
一堆土
a bank of earth,
因为将你的钱埋进土里
because burying your money in the ground
是防止维京人抢走的最简单的办法
is the simplest way to keep it safe from Vikings.
24小时方便可取
With easy 24-hour access,
得益于我们地下系统的各个便捷的洞穴
thanks to our handy holes in the ground system
前所未有的低利率[兴趣]
and interest rates are at an all-time low,
因此你的秘密财产不会引起任何的兴趣
so your secret fortune will attract zero interest.
维京人不感兴趣
没错 就是这样
Yes, that's right,
没人对它兴趣 除了蠕虫
absolutely no interest at all, except from worms.
无需另付费的蠕虫
只是别忘记你埋在哪儿了
Just don't forget where you buried it all.
到底是走三棵松树拐弯再走四棵
Now, was it three pine trees across and four up,
还是反过来
or four and three?
糟糕 我想不起来松树数了
Oh, no, I can't remember my pine number!
永远对松树数[pin number密♥码♥]保密
撒克逊银行[堆] 一堆土就是你的银行
Saxon Bank, where the earth bank is your bank.
初次开户 免费送铲子
Free spade when you open your first Saxon Bank account.
松树数[密♥码♥]
"Pine number"!
作为树的双关语 这句不错[橡树]
As tree puns go that was Oak-eh.
我这是对牛弹琴 真是的
I'm wasted here, I am!
总之 这是真的
Anyway, it's true,
撒克逊人曾经为了安全
Saxons used to bury their money and treasure
把他们的钱和财宝埋入地下
in the ground for safe keeping.
这当然是保护自己的财产
It was certainly one way
不被维京人侵占的一种方式
to keep your money safe from Vikings.
另一种方式则是打败他们
The other way was to fight them off
如这位著名的撒克逊人所为
like this famous Saxon did.
糟糕历史 电影展销会
"阿尔弗雷德大帝"项目
你们好 我是阿尔弗雷德大帝
Hello. I'm Alfred the Great.
大帝 我们听过你的电影思路后会判断
Great? We'll judge that after your movie idea.
你可能是失败者阿尔弗雷德
You could be Alfred the flop.
票房♥毒药阿尔弗雷德
Alfred the box office bomb.
火鸡阿尔弗雷德
Alfred the turkey.
我真的觉得我的人生故事很有料
I really think I've got something, the story of my life.
来我这儿的失败者都认为他们很有趣
Losers coming in here thinking they're interesting,
这就是我的人生故事
that's the story of my life.
-说得好 -这是个很精彩的故事
- Nice one! - This is really good.
一切始于我被丹麦人击溃 正在逃亡
It starts with me defeated by the Danes, I'm on the run.
除了几个跟随者外我一无所有
I've got nothing but a few followers
我藏身于一片沼泽之中
and I'm hiding out in a marsh
但是 从那时候起
but, from there
我向丹麦人发起小型游击战
I make small guerrilla attacks on the Danes
随着每次胜利 我渐渐组起一支部队
and gradually with each victory I start to build an army,
一支陆军 还有海军
a full-time army, and navy too.
接着 故事的高♥潮♥来了
Then, at the climax of the story,
爱丁顿战役
the battle of Edington,
我打败了丹麦人 并建立了新国家
I defeat the Danes and create a new country
就是今天你们所说的英格兰
that today you call England.
你创作的东西 我的朋友
Yeah, what you've created there, my friend,
是严重超出预算的无聊大戏
is a massively over budget boreathon.
阿尔弗雷德大帝 你不是那个蛋糕男吗
Alfred the Great. Aren't you the cake guy?
拜托 别再说这个了
Oh, please, not this again.
他就是 他是那个蛋糕男
He is, he's the cake guy.
-蛋糕男 -蛋糕男
- Cake guy? - The cake guy.
他躲在一个老妇人的小屋里
He was hiding out in an old woman's cottage
她叮嘱他别让蛋糕烤焦 但他忘了
and she told him not to burn the cakes but he forgot,
于是她开始狠揍他
so she started battering him
他可以说"我是国王"来阻止她
and he could have stopped her by saying, "I'm the King,"
但他没说 因为会暴露身份
but he didn't, because it would have blown his cover.
是的 这是个可爱的小故事
Yes, it's a lovely little story,
但不是真的 它没发生过
but it's not true, it didn't happen.
找个年轻的演老妇人
Age the old lady down,
詹妮弗·安妮斯顿怎么样
I'm thinking Jennifer Aniston.
-我爱她 -爱情喜剧大♥片♥来了
- I love her. - We've got a romcom smash.
拜托 我有这么多成就
Please, I achieved so much,
我发明了蜡烛钟
I invented the candle clock.
还烤焦了蛋糕
And burnt some cakes.
我改革了政♥府♥和税收
I revolutionised government and taxation,
重整法律体系
reformed the legal system.
蛋糕男
Cake guy.
我写了书 在军事方面有着辉煌成就
I wrote books, I had spectacular military successes
我为一个新国家奠基
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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