糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E02
Part 4
Jan. 3, 2021, 12:59 p.m.
*So I joined HMS Beagle
观察鹰和海鸥*
*Watched the eagle and the seagull
我们研究岩石和植物*
*We studied rocks and plants
花卉 树 蜜蜂和蚂蚁*
*Flowers, trees and bees and ants
睡在吊床上 没有枕头*
*Slept on hammocks without pillows
吃老鼠和犰狳*
*Eating rats and armadillos
经过沉思 得到结果*
*Till I realised on reflection
一切都是 自然选择*
*It's natural selection
自然选择意味着动物进化*
*Natural selection means each animal evolved
通过改变来适应环境啊*
*To blend with its surroundings ch-ch-changes were involved
鸟儿以不同的东西为食*
*So birds with different foods to seek
进化出不同的鸟喙*
*Seemed to have developed different beaks
时间推移 不断修正*
*And over time they'd modified
最终结果 适者生存*
*So just the fittest of them all survived
在加拉帕戈斯群岛上面*
*On the isles of Galapagos
巨大的乌龟被我发现*
*I noted the giant tortoise
长着有趣的壳*
*Had interesting shells
我也在上面写字了*
*And I wrote on them as well
鬣蜥学会游泳*
*Iguanas learned at swimming
我的新理论大获成功*
*Meant my new theory was winning
一切都指向了*
*It all lead in the direction
自然选择*
*Of natural selection
我的发现激怒了*
*My findings met with outrage from the Ch-Ch-Church
英国教堂 也激怒了我自己*
*Of England. And from me
我们源自猴子这理论*
*The idea that we came from ch-ch-chimps
质疑了我自己的基♥督♥教义*
*Questioned my own Christianity
但很难去质疑*
*But it was hard to disagree
所有物种 新的改变*
*Every species, new mutation
都有合理来源*
*Had a perfect explanation
貌似世界开端*
*It seemed the world's inception
早于通常观念*
*Must predate common perception
适应能力有限*
*And an lack of adaptation
此乃致命缺点*
*It's a fatal limitation
于是万物缺陷*
*So each creature's imperfection
皆随时光变迁*
*Over time gets a correction
进化自保本领*
*Meaning animal collections
得以生存繁衍*
*Grow unique means of protection
难以适应自然*
*And to fail nature's inspection
从此前途黯淡*
*Means immediate conjection
一切难逃法眼*
*Which all leads to the detection
自然选择*
*Of natural selection
自然选择*
*Natural selection
讨厌的海盗
历史版飞黄腾达
-早上好 -好 唐勋爵
- Good morning. - Morning, Lord Sugar.
我眼花了么 怎么有一队迟到了
Are my eyes deceiving me? One of the teams is late.
在我这儿没人敢迟到
Nobody's late for my boardroom.
他们最好已经挂了 不然我亲自出手
They'd better be dead, or else I'm going to kill them.
好吧 商人队 你们的项目主管是谁
Now, Team Merchant, who was your project manager?
是我 唐勋爵
Me, Lord Sugar.
[这位是本集前来客串的喜剧演员Chris Addison]
这个任务简单得不能再简单了
This task was perfectly simple.
我给你们200金币去投资
I gave you 200 gold coins and you had to invest them.
这钱你们是怎么用的
What did you do with my money?
我们买♥♥了艘船 航行去了加勒比海
Well, we, er, purchased a ship, sailed to the Caribbean
然后又买♥♥了点糖
and bought some sugar.
在我们乔治王朝英格兰
Sugar's a really expensive item
糖可是死贵死贵的
back home in Georgian England.
我们原计划在加勒比海找个小岛买♥♥入
Plan is, buy it from a Caribbean island,
确实如此
再运回国卖♥♥出
ship it home, sell it.
贩糖可是一本万利啊
Sugar turns a tidy profit.
是啊 我老唐已经赚得盆满钵满了
Yeah, well, this Sugar turns a tidy profit an' all.
卡伦 他们这趟小打小闹的买♥♥卖♥♥顺利吗
Karen, how did their little import venture go?
不太顺利 唐勋爵 他们被海盗袭击了
Er, not so well, Lord Sugar. They were attacked by pirates.
准备让我们上船吧 你们这些胆小的旱鸭子
Prepare to be boarded, you scaredy land-lovers.
你们迟到了 赶紧坐下
You're late. Sit down.
海盗队 你们的项目主管是谁
Team Pirates, who was your project manager?
我还是喜欢别人叫我船长
I prefer the term captain.
我还喜欢别人叫我国王呢
Yeah, well, I prefer the term king,
但我必须低调一点 让别人叫我勋爵
but I've got to make do with plain, old lord.
那你是怎么当选的
So, how were you chosen?
海盗内部规矩
The only way a true pirate can be.
我们进行了投票 然后我脱颖而出
We had a vote on it and I came out on top.
你们真的当我是白♥痴♥吗
Have I got mug written across my head?
实际上 唐勋爵 确实如此
In point of fact, Lord Sugar, it's true.
海盗队通过民♥主♥选举
Team Pirate did take a democratic vote
来任命项目主管 结果黑心巴特胜出
to see who'd be project manager and Black Bart was elected.
这我可真没料到
I did not expect that.
海盗们投票选出船长
所以袭击商船
So, was it your idea, then,
是你的主意
to attack the merchant ship?
我更愿意称之为武力夺取
I'd prefer to call it a hostile takeover.
武力 没错 都出人命了
Hostile! I'll say. People were killed.
有时候 为了做买♥♥卖♥♥
Well, sometimes in business,
就是要下得去手 对吧
you do have to be a little bit ruthless, don't you?
你们当时谁负责船只的安全防卫
So, who was in charge of your security then?
他负责 都是他的过失
He was in charge, it was his fault.
不 事实上我已经给船只
Oh, no, I actually had the vessel fitted out
配备了一套最先进的海盗防御系统
with the very latest anti-pirate systems,
大炮画像
paintings of cannons.
我发誓我听得真切 你刚才说的是
I could've sworn I just heard you say
大炮画像
"Paintings of cannons".
这些画栩栩如生
They looked just like the real thing.
乔治商人如法炮制
-我和他说过那不管用 -他没说
- I told him they wouldn't work. - He didn't.
我...说了
I...I did.
你可真是现场直编啊
That's a bare-faced lie.
够了 巴特和他的手下最终夺取了商船
Shut it! Bart and his pirates took over the merchant ship.
大功告成
Job done, right?
不 还不算完
No, not exactly.
海盗队的船满载他们
Team Pirate's ship was so full of booty
其他几次武力夺取抢来的胜利品
they'd taken from other hostile takeovers,
所以他们船上没有多余的地方
they didn't have any room on board
来存放从商人队抢来的货物了
for Team Merchant's cargo.
说得没错
Arr, it is true.
于是我们决定把船和货再卖♥♥回给商人队
So, we decided to sell back the ship and its cargo to them.
-你们买♥♥了吗 -如果我们不照办
- Did you buy it? - If we didn't,
黑心巴特真的这么做了
他们就会把船烧了
they were going to burn the ship.
-他们把我们逼到绝境了 -难以置信
- They had us over a barrel. - I don't believe this.
卡伦 商人队此行结算的利润是多少
Karen, what kind of a profit did Team Merchant turn over?
他们到头来等于买♥♥船买♥♥货花了两次钱
Well, they ended up buying their ship and cargo twice,
然后船在回英格兰途中还沉了
and then, their ship sank on the way back to England,
所以他们此行颗粒无收
so they brought back nothing.
或者说 就带回一条小银鱼
Or rather, one small, silver fish.
那海盗队呢
And Team Pirate?
他们不光抢了商人队的船
It wasn't just this merchant ship
还又卖♥♥回给他们
they took over and sold back,
而且还有另外十艘商船
they actually did the same trick
也遭此噩运
to ten other merchant vessels.
海盗队的利润是1000金币
Their profit, 1,000 gold coins.
就是说 一只队伍带回一笔小财
So, one team brings back a small fortune,
另一只队伍带回一条小鱼
the other team brings back a small fish.
是个人都看得明白
It doesn't take a genius to work out
今天谁会出局
who's going to get fired today.
[出局音同发射]
如果有人要被发射 那只能是你
Arr. If anyone's going to get fired, it be you,
-用轰天炮射出去 -他还算不赖哈
- out of a cannon. - Oh, he's good, isn't he?
你知道吗 你身上有我当年的影子
D'you know what, I see a bit of myself in you.
-当真 -是的
- Really? - Yeah.
就是你了
You're hired.
万分感谢 我一定给你长脸
Thank you so much. I won't let you down.
黑心巴特有什么奇特的地方
What was unusual about Black Bart?
A 他是个异装癖
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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