糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E07
Part 4
Jan. 3, 2021, 1 p.m.
bringing together the two countries at last.
不过 他还带来了家族的噩运
However, he also brought with him his family's rotten luck.
苏格兰王罗伯特三世
你一定认为斯图亚特是英格兰王朝*
*I bet you think the Stuarts were an English dynasty
我们来英格兰只因王位已进我腰包*
*But we only came to England when the crown belonged to me
苏格兰王詹姆斯六世
我们的家族在苏格兰受人尊敬*
*Our clan may hail from Scotland
苏格兰女王玛丽
但我们的故事并不荣耀 你可知道*
*But our tale's not a bonny one, you'll see
我们出身贵族 命运悲苦*
*We got the Blue Blooded Blues
在蓝色斯图亚特鞋里蹒跚挪步*
*In our blue Stuart shoes
不管国王女王 还是继承人*
*Each king, queen and heir
都有各自 悲苦人生*
*Had our personal nightmare
新闻你有没有读*
*Have you read the news
我们出身贵族 命运悲苦*
*We got the Blue Blooded Blues
先说说我 罗伯特三世*
*Let's start with me King Robert III
有人说我很糊涂*
*Some say I was a fool
曾经从马背上摔下*
*Once fell off my horse
伤得挺重 真老土*
*And hurt myself quite badly, how uncool
最后落得跛脚*
*Ended up with a limp
人们说我的统治也力不足*
*And limp was what they called my rule
原因请你听我道来*
*And I'll tell you for why
我们出身贵族 命运悲苦*
*We got the Blue Blooded Blues
他有两个儿子 都很魁梧*
*Strapping sons, he had two
一个被捕 食不果腹*
*One imprisoned, starved in jail
一个被俘 全军尽输*
*The other captured, epic fail
"最糟的国王"是评价我的词组*
*"The worst of Kings" My review
我们出身贵族 命运悲苦*
*We got the Blue Blooded Blues
之后五个斯图亚特国王都叫詹姆斯*
*The next five Stuarts all called James
但没一个是幸运吉姆*
*But none was Lucky Jim
[英国小说家金斯利·艾米斯代表作]
詹姆斯一世 藏在下水道*
*James I hid down a sewer
被刺客发现 一命呜呼*
*Got caught by assassins
詹姆斯二世 没那么无道*
*James II was less unpopular
被自己的大炮误杀 真是傻乎乎*
*But killed by his own cannon so pretty dim
这还没完呢
And it doesn't end there.
你说的没错
You're not wrong!
我们出身贵族 命运悲苦*
*We got the Blue Blooded Blues
太多条失败道路*
*So many ways to lose
三世四世死于战斗*
*III and IV killed in battle
五世输了场战役 那就*
*V lost a war and that'll
解释了我们为什么麻木*
*Explain why we don't enthuse
对待悲苦的斯图亚特家族*
*About those Stuart clan blues
唱吧 玛丽 女孩 加油
Sing it, Mary. Go on, girl!
我是苏格兰女王玛丽*
*I'm Mary Queen of Scots
说起厄运 我很熟悉*
*And misfortune, I had lots
我威胁到 伊丽莎白女王*
*To Queen Liz, I was a threat
她将我监禁*
*She threw me into prison, yeah.
安上密谋的罪名*
*Yet still accused me of plotting
能否看出 话题的方向*
*Can you see where I'm headed
莉斯是都铎人 猜猜看*
*Liz is a Tudor, take a guess
砍头吗* *是的*
*Beheaded* *Yeah
伊丽莎白死后*
*Well, after Queen Liz died
我同时成为英格兰的领袖*
*I was made King of England too
成为英王詹姆斯一世*
*Became James I in England
斯图亚特噩运却仍伴我左右*
*But the Stuart luck stayed true
盖伊·福克斯试图炸我上天*
*Guy Fawkes tried to blow me up
把我变成斯图亚特炖肉*
*And turn me into Stuart stew
再来*
*One more time
我们出身贵族 命运悲苦*
*We got the Blue Blooded Blues
没有人想成为 我们一族*
*Not the role that you'd choose
随着我儿查尔斯 脑袋落地*
*With my son Charles a decapitee
[查理一世被奥利弗·克伦威尔斩首]
皇室血脉 无以为继*
*We briefly killed off royalty
确实如此 悲吟的斯图亚特君主*
*Stuart moaners, it's true
我们出身贵族 被诅咒般命运悲苦*
*Cursed with the Blue Blooded Blues.
我说的就是这个
That's what I'm talking about.
可悲的二战
想打败德国人 我们必须智取
To win a war against the Germans, we had to outsmart them,
但我不是很有智慧
and I'm not very smart.
幸亏有军队情报部门五处
So thank heavens for Military Intelligence, Section five,
就是著名的军情五处
better known as MI5,
来负责以计谋战胜敌军
who were responsible for outsmarting the enemy.
节目继续
Carry on!
不 恐怕这些全是机密信息
No, I'm afraid it's all very hush, hush.
再见
Goodbye.
吉本斯特工 我没想到你会来
Agent Gibbons, I wasn't expecting you.
您当然不会想到 长官
No, of course not, sir.
所以我才是军情五处最好的秘密特工
That's why I'm the best secret agent in MI5.
你曾经是军情五处最好的秘密特工
You were the best secret agent in MI5.
曾经是 我们是在说暗语吗 长官
Were? Are we talking in code, sir?
不 最新的绝密任务 代号♥肉馅
No. Our new top secret mission, codename Mincemeat,
要求一系列你没有掌握的技术
requires a range of skills that simply you do not have.
这是马德[泥巴]少校
Meet Major Mud.
他的伪装也太不可思议了
Oh, his disguise is incredible,
他看起来就像是死了的流浪汉
he looks just like a dead tramp.
我的天 他就是个死了的流浪汉
Oh, hello! He is a dead tramp.
您不是真的认为一个死了的流浪汉
You're not seriously suggesting that a dead tramp
会比我♥干♥得更好吧
could do a better job than me.
他保密工作做得非常好
Well, he's very good at keeping secrets.
说英文 老兄
Speak English, man!
你看 一声不出
You see, not a peep.
看看那僵硬的上嘴唇
Look at that stiff upper lip.
那是死后僵直吧
But that's rigor mortis.
这位马丁少校将会游泳横跨海峡
Major Martin here will be swimming across the sea.
军情五处曾经真的在任务中用过已死的流浪汉
他能游泳吗
Uh, swimming?
更准确地说 是浮尸
Well, more floating, really.
我们希望运气好的话
We're hoping that by chance
有人会把浮尸捞起来
somebody will fish out the floating body
然后发现这些计划 声称
and find these plans, which claim
我们将会入侵希腊和撒丁岛
we shall be invading Greece and Sardinia.
然后 当德国佬们往那进军时
Now, when the Germans head there,
我们实际上是侵入这里 西西里岛
we shall of course be invading here, Sicily.
但怎么可能会有人相信
But why would anyone believe plans
这就是他们真实的计划
一个死流浪汉身上的计划
carried by a dead tramp?
因为 我亲爱的吉本斯
Because, my dear Gibbons,
我们会把他伪装起来
we shall be disguising him,
伪装成英国皇家海军陆战队马丁少校
as Major Martin of the Royal Marines.
赫斯特
Hester!
给您 长官 为了使他更可信
Here you go, Sir. And for extra believability,
我自作主张给他写了些情书
I took the liberty of writing him some love letters.
而且正巧
And it just so happens
我们有非常重要的任务交给你 吉本斯
that we have a very important job for you, Gibbons.
太好了 我愿为国王和国家做任何事
Spiffing. I'd do anything for King and country, Sire.
我希望你把这流浪汉衣服脱♥光♥
I want you to strip this tramp naked,
把他全身洗干净 然后把他打扮好
give him a full body wash and then dress him.
您这次说的不是暗语了吧 长官
I don't suppose you're talking in code now, sir.
祝你好运 吉本斯
Good luck, Gibbons.
这是真事
That's true!
军情五处真曾使用一具死尸欺骗德国佬
MI5 really did use a dead body to trick the Germans.
马丁少校 我更喜欢叫他 尸体下士
Major Martin or, as I like to call him, Corporal Corpse. Hmm.
如果你觉得这故事难以置信
And if you think that story's unbelievable,
等你听听柏林居民们
wait until you hear what the residents of Berlin
在二战中吃了什么东西再说吧
ended up eating during World War II.
五位雄心勃勃的厨师 来自五个历史时期
Five eager chefs, five historical eras,
而大奖只有一个
but just one prize.
谁会成为历史厨艺大♥师♥
Who will be crowned Historical Master Chef?
这次竞赛
This competition
会像战争般激烈
is going to be war!
无意冒犯任何真的身处战争中的人
No offence to anyone who's been in an actual war.
历史版厨艺大♥师♥
希尔达·施密特是二战时期
Hilda Schmidt is a housewife from Berlin
来自柏林的家庭主妇
in the Second World War.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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