糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E01
Part 2
Jan. 3, 2021, 12:59 p.m.
-无聊的男人 -根据传统
- A pooey man. - It's tradition,
总是由女性来扮演你
you're always played by a woman.
我的人生跟那部舞台剧没一毛钱关系
My life is not like the panto.
-凯拉会唱歌♥吗 -后期配音吧
- Can Keira sing? - Er, we can dub it,
让嘎嘎小姐来唱
Lady Gaga can do the song.
-歌♥名就叫《我是个小怪兽》 -好吧
- I'm A Little Monster. - Well.
歌♥舞片吗
A musical?
当一部舞台剧融合歌♥舞 喜剧
Do you know what you get if you take the first letters
儿童元素 再加上只会讲话的猫
of a musical comedy panto for kids with a talking cat?
-绝对是卖♥♥座大♥片♥ -神作啊
- It spells H-I-T. - Hit!
座无虚席的电影院就是你的摇钱树
Your streets paved with gold are cinemas filled with gold.
不不 我是伦敦史上很重要的人物
No, no, I'm an important figure in the history of London
我不会站在这里
and I will not stand here
眼睁睁看着你们把我的人生写成闹剧
and watch you turn my life story into a farce.
-再见 -回头看看吧 狄克·惠廷顿
- Good day. - Turn again, Dick Whittington.
[故事中狄克·惠廷顿受到钟声启迪 回到伦敦]
回头看看吧 狄克·惠廷顿
Turn again, Dick Whittington.
回头看看吧 狄克·惠廷顿
Turn again, Dick Whittington,
三任伦敦市长哦
thrice Lord Mayor of London.
[故事中狄克·惠廷顿做过三任伦敦市长]
我做了四任 不是三任
I was Mayor four times, not three.
当心身后哟
He's behind you!
不 没有人
Oh, no, he isn't!
是的 就在那儿 人真不错
Oh, yes, he is! Nice guy.
-人超级好 -我特别喜欢他
- Super nice. - I liked him a lot.
没错 理查德·惠廷顿爵士真实存在
Yes, Sir Richard Whittington really was a real guy,
但他并非大家熟悉的舞台剧中的主角
but he was nothing like the pantomime hero you've heard of.
作为市长 他因
Oh, no! As Mayor, he was famous
建设大型公共厕所而闻名
for building a huge public toilet.
伦敦的街道曾经非常脏乱
The streets of London had been really messy,
所以他的猫咪才穿着靴子
which explains why his puss had to wear boots.
开玩笑而已 理查德爵士 开玩笑
Just kidding, Sir Richard, just kidding.
恐怖的都铎王朝
你可能听说过1588年西班牙无敌舰队
You may have heard of the Spanish Armada in 1588,
但你或许不知道
but did you know
他们推♥翻♥伊丽莎白一世的行动不止这一次
that wasn't their only attempt to overthrow Elizabeth I?
1587 审判之年
1587, Judgement Year.
他是世界上最有权势的男人
He was the most powerful man in the world,
统治着庞大的帝国
ruler of a huge empire.
西班牙
我要率领
I will invade England
领衔主演 西班牙国王腓力二世
史上最骇人的战舰部队 侵略英格兰
with the most terrible force of battleships ever seen.
我要称它为...
I shall call it...
史上最骇人的战舰部队
the most terrible force of battleships ever seen!
或者可以称它为"无敌舰队" 陛下
Or you could call it the Armada, Your Majesty.
-很好 朗朗上口 -感觉好多了
- Yeah, it's catchy. - It feels better.
西班牙无敌舰队
Spanish Armada.
只有一个男人阻碍了腓力取胜
Only one man stood between Philip and his prize.
正是在下
That'll be me.
皇家海军的海军中将
Introducing Sir Francis Drake,
法兰西斯·德瑞克爵士隆重登场
as Vice Admiral of the English Navy.
舰队做好起航准备
Make the fleet ready to sail.
传令德瑞克 不惜一切代价阻止无敌舰队
Tell Drake this Armada must be stopped at all costs.
主演 英格兰女王伊丽莎白一世
他有备而来
He was a man with a plan.
我们应该炸掉加的斯的西班牙软木塞工厂
We shall blow up the Spanish cork factory at Cadiz.
为什么
Er, why?
没有软木塞 就没有木桶 就没水喝
No cork, no barrels. No barrels, no fresh water.
没水喝 还有什么无敌舰队
No fresh water, no Armada.
-太聪明了 -我是天才 对吧
- Brilliant! - I am, aren't I?
长话短说 没有软木塞 舰队就完了
So, to cut a long story short - no cork, no Armada.
我会回来的
I'll be back.
口号♥不错
Oh, good catchphrase.
[西班牙语]-谢谢 -不客气
- Gracias. - De nada.
祝你们下次好运吧
Better luck next time.
1588 这次真的是审判之年
1588, this time it's Judgement Year,
西班牙无敌舰队 第二部
Spanish Armada II.
他是最有权势的男人
He was the most powerful man...
废话少说 大家都知道啦
Ah, yadda-yadda, we know this bit.
-无敌舰队准备好了吗 -好了 陛下
- Is my Armada ready? - It is, sire.
-木桶都有软木塞吗 -都有 陛下
- Do my barrels have corks? - They do, sire.
我们势不可挡 我好坏哦
Nothing can stop us now. Oh, I'm bad!
只有一个男人阻碍了腓力取胜
Only one man stood between Philip and his prize.
不会又是他吧
Ugh, not him again.
放火点燃我们的几艘船
Set fire to some of our ships.
这次又是为什么
Er... Why?
如果让这些失火的船驶向西班牙舰队
If we sail these fire ships towards the Spanish fleet,
他们一定会惊慌失措 斩掉缆绳驶走
the Spanish will panic, cut their anchor lines and set sail.
幸运的话 劲风会摧毁无敌舰队
With any luck, the strong winds will destroy this Armada.
万事俱备 还有东风助
A man with a plan, and some lucky wind.
惨不忍♥睹 陛下
It's a disaster, Master.
我们损失了50多艘船
We have lost more than 50 ships.
好消息是什么
And now the good news?
晚餐吃鹿肉
It's venison for supper.
你是说 他们败给天气了
Destroyed by the weather, you say?
真是史上最可笑的事情
That is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
除了
Oh, apart from
沃尔特·罗利爵士那个巨掌怪熊的笑话
Sir Walter Raleigh's joke about the bear with the big paws. Ha!
我会回来的 我想...可能吧
I'll be back! I think...probably.
1595 这肯定是审判之年了
1595. This MUST be Judgement Year,
西班牙无敌舰队 第三部
Spanish Armada III.
新编无敌舰队有什么消息
What news of my new Armada?
最终夺取胜利了吗
Has it at last been successful?
舰队在茂斯侯[音同老鼠洞]
It has caused minor damage
受到了轻微损害
to Mousehole.
-老鼠洞 -是茂斯侯
- Mousehole? - Mousehole,
康沃尔郡的一个无足轻重的小村子
an inconsequential little village in Cornwall, yay!
我会回来的 也许吧 估计得等一阵子
I'll be back! Maybe. It might take a while.
都铎弓箭手
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
一 二 三
One, two, three, ha!
剪刀对布 我赢了
Scissors beats paper, I win!
一 二 三
One, two, three, ha!
剪刀对布 我赢了 真无聊
Scissors beats paper, I win! Oh, I'm bored now.
你为什么总出布 不带这么玩的
Why do you just keep doing paper? That's not how you play it.
成熟点吧
Oh, grow up.
下一位 来者何人
Next! And you are?
萨福克郡的托马斯·科尔泰
Thomas Curteys of Suffolk.
有没有可能 你的死因跟箭有关
And is your death, by any chance, arrow related?
是的 我是个都铎弓箭手
Yes, it is. I'm a Tudor archer.
你怎么知道的
How did you know that?
瞎猫碰上死耗子
Just a lucky guess.
赶快 讲讲你是怎么死的
Come on then, let's be hearing you.
那是个宜人的夏夜 我在外面练习射箭
Well, one fine summer's evening, I was out practising my archery
看见一个朋友 名叫理查德·洛朗斯
when I spotted a friend, the name of Richard Lyrence.
理查德箭术高超
Now Richard is a fine archer,
因此我觉得给他点儿挑战
so I thought it would be quite funny
肯定会很有趣
to give him a bit of a challenge.
是的
Yes.
于是我冲他大喊
So I yelled out to him,
理查德 我打赌你射不中我的帽子
"Richard, I bet you can't hit my hat!"
结果被我说中了
Turns out I was right.
还好他没射中你的脑子
Fortunately, he missed your brain!
笑点在哪里
Not sure I get that.
证明了我的观点 直接投胎去吧
Proving my point! You're through to the afterlife.
百年不遇
Oh, priceless.
下一位
Next!
先别急
Whoa! Hold the mustard,
又来了一位竞争者
we got another contender.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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