糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E10
Part 4
Jan. 3, 2021, 1:01 p.m.
-巨石 -穿过巨石
- OK, the rocks! - The rocks.
你疯了吗
Oh, hey, hey, are you crazy insane?
我绝不去巨石那里
I'm not going through the rocks.
那里住着巨人
Giants live in the rocks.
你见过
Have you seen one?
没有 但我见过他们盖的东西 超级大
No, but I've seen things they've built. Big, huge things!
你指的是那些巨石吗
What, you mean the rocks?
别再说了
Speak not of them!
好吧 我们避开森林和巨石
All right, we'll avoid the forest and the stony things.
-但我们必须向北进军 -对
- And yet we must go north! - Aye!
听我说 为什么不横穿国家北上
I'll tell you what, why don't we go across the country and up,
穿过东英吉利
you know, through East Anglia?
好主意
Yeah, that's a good idea.
消灭所有的侵略者
Death to all invaders!
东英吉利 舒克斯住在那
East Anglia, that's where the Scuccas are.
谁会想遇到一只
Oh, yeah, and who wants to meet
巨大无比 眼睛喷火的黑狗
an enormous black dog with blazing, fiery eyes?
像马那么大
As big as a horse.
我好怕那些大黑狗
I'm so scared of those big black dogs.
我有个点子
Hey, I've got an idea, I've got an idea.
为什么不等侵略者自己打到南部
Why don't we wait for the invaders to come south,
那样我们就不用劳师北上了
and that way we don't have to travel north?
说实话 我很赞同这个主意
Oh, do you know, I'd much prefer that.
我们是最强大的勇士
For we are the mightiest of warriors!
没错 勇者无惧 那是什么
Aye, afraid of no man. Ah, what's that?
应该只是蚯蚓而已
I think it's just an earthworm.
你确定吗 可能是条小恶龙
Are you sure? I mean, it could be a little baby dragon.
撒克逊勇士历来随机应变
We must face this situation as Saxon warriors.
-你是说逃跑 -对 快跑
- What, you mean run away? - Yeah, run away.
-快跑啊 -快跑啊
- Run! - Run!
不是这边 也不是那边 往这边跑
Not that way, not that way. Run this way.
这边 这边
This way. This way!
-不是那边 是这边 -这边
- No, not that way, this way. - This way.
-快跑 -你确定是这条路
- Run! - This way! Are you sure?
事实如此 撒克逊勇士非常迷信
It's true, Saxon warriors were very superstitious
对所有的怪物和恶魔都十分忌惮
and believed in all sorts of monsters and demons.
虽然蚯蚓根本就不是小恶龙
Though earthworms aren't baby dragons.
而是美味的开胃菜 就是挠得人怪痒的
No, they're a delicious starter, if slightly tickly.
所以说撒克逊人也不是无懈可击的
Yeah, Saxon men are not without their shortcomings.
您好 这里是《历史相亲》
Hello, Historical Dates.
历史典故通天晓 真爱不再无处找
Finding love is no mystery when you've got all of history.
您是欲觅一位拥有城♥堡♥的帅哥骑士吗
You're looking for a handsome knight with a castle.
我可以向您推荐一位穴居人
I can offer you a caveman with a...um...
有独♥立♥洞穴
cave.
好吧
Oh, fair enough.
卡伦 你踩到什么了吗
Karen, have you stepped in something?
-没啊 我以为你踩到了 -才没有
- No, I thought you had. - No.
女士们好
Hello, ladies!
我是个盎格鲁-撒克逊正太 特为寻爱而来
I am young, Anglo-Saxon and looking for love.
欢迎来到《历史相亲》
Welcome to Historical Dates.
-请坐下吧 -谢谢
- Take a seat. - Thank you.
-我其实是说请坐那把椅子 -好吧
- Actually, I meant that one over there. - OK.
费那个事干什么
That's a bit weird.
还是这把椅子看上去舒服些
Actually, this seat looks a lot more comfortable.
果然是 谢谢
It is, thank you.
好了 我们来了解一些具体情况
Right, let's take down a few details.
抱歉 我有点头晕
Sorry, I just feel a bit faint.
我确实能令女人为我倾倒
Yeah, I have that effect on the ladies.
他们都叫我 女性杀手
They call me Lar the Lady-killer.
我打赌她们真都被你杀了
Yeah, I bet you knock 'em dead.
反正我觉得我是那种魅力难挡型的
Well, I like to think I'm a bit of a catch.
有独♥立♥婚房♥
Got my own home, so...
-是个山洞吗 -是我自己盖的房♥子
- Is it a cave? - No, I built it myself.
用芦苇 麦秆 泥巴还有兽屎糊的
It's made of reeds, straw, mud and animal dung.
撒克逊人用动物粪便盖房♥子
-几房♥几厅啊 -就一房♥
- Right, how many rooms? - Just the one.
-那上厕所怎么办 -屋外解决
- Where do you go toilet? - Just outside.
这人比你以前交往的那个学生还烂
He's worse than that student you went out with.
你是一个人住吗
I take it you live on your own?
不 我和我亲爱的贝茜一起住
No, I live with my beloved Bessie.
她晚上为我取暖
She keeps me warm at night.
你都有老婆了啊
You've got a wife already?
贝茜不是我妻子 是我养的山羊
Bessie's not my wife, Bessie's my goat.
她和猪还有鸭子一起睡在屋里
She sleeps in the house along with the pigs and the ducks.
撒克逊人在屋里养家畜
还有跳蚤
And the fleas.
我能问个私人问题吗
Can I ask a personal question?
我射手座的
Sagittarius.
不是这个 盎格鲁-撒克逊人平时洗澡吗
Not that one. Do Anglo-Saxons ever wash at all?
一年洗一次
Once a year.
事实如此
你们一年才洗一次
You have a bath once a year?
你以为我们和那些维京人一样吗
What do you think I am? Some kind of Viking?
他们每周都洗澡还梳头发
They bathe and comb their hair once a week
那他们泡到妞了吗
and do they get the chicks?
他们确实泡到了
Actually, they do.
我们总结一下 你每年只洗一次澡
So just to recap, you only have a bath once a year,
你的房♥子是粑粑做的
your house is made of poo,
还是动物的粑粑
with animals pooing in it,
你自己撇大条时 直接院子里解决
and when you need a poo you just do it in your garden.
无所谓 我的情况就这些了
Anyway, enough about me.
说说你吧 看着好像要吐了的这位
You, with the disgusted look,
和我说说 今晚准备干点啥
tell me, what are you doing this night?
洗洗头发
Washing my hair.
当真
Really?
你不是我的菜 太可惜了
Well, you're not my type at all. It's a shame.
美女们 后会有期
OK, girls. Laters.
讨厌的海盗
想让你的肌肤像这样焕发光彩吗
Do you want your skin to look this good?
那就来体验终极去死皮方法吧
Then you need to try the ultimate exfoliating experience -
海盗护肤革命性突破 新型海底捞
new keel hauling, the pirate skincare revolution.
它可以帮你去除所有难看的皮肤
Keel hauling will remove all that unsightly skin.
实际上 它能帮你去除大部分皮肤
Actually, it removes most of your skin.
你只需要一艘海盗船 一条长绳
All you need is a pirate vessel, a long rope,
一片汪♥洋♥和一个愤怒的船长
lots of sea and an angry captain.
船长 我给你泡了杯...
Captain, I've got your...
吓死我了 你个死跑龙套的
Shiver me timbers, you bilge rat!
我看你是想尝尝海底捞的滋味了
Let's see how you enjoy some keel hauling!
什么都行就是别来那个
Anything but that!
具体步骤如下
Here's how it works.
用长绳绑住你的腿 再把你扔下海
The rope is fixed to your legs, you're thrown overboard
然后你被拖入船底再绕过龙骨
and hauled under the hull and over the keel of the ship,
最后在船的另一侧重获新生
then pulled up on the other side to reveal the new you.
多亏了神秘配方 藤壶
Thanks to the secret ingredient, barnacles,
海底捞是这样的让人生不如死
keel hauling has never been so painful.
前后的对比清晰可见
You can really see the difference.
海底捞最近又新添了一些藤壶
Keel hauling now with added barnacles.
千万别错过我们为您独家推荐的超值礼包
And don't miss our exclusive introductory offer.
本月底前开通海底捞服务
Get keel hauled this month
还可获赠九尾鞭鞭笞
and get thrashed by a cat o' nine tails whip
免费鞭笞
绝对免费
absolutely free!
我觉得他漏了一块
I think he's missed a bit.
警告 海底捞有生命危险
Warning - being keel hauled can result in death.
警告
九尾鞭鞭笞也可能送命
Being whipped by a cat o' nine tails can result in death.
做个海盗本身就不安全
Being a pirate will probably result in death.
请务必仔细阅读标签
Always read the label.
最近如何 旱鸭子们
What's up, landlubbers?
海盗频道正转战地下
Now, The Pirate Channel's going underground,
海盗频道
确切点儿是转战甲板下 无所谓了
well, below deck, anyway,
总之我们要和最臭名昭著的海盗见面了
as we meet the baddest pirate of them all.
下面《糟糕历史电视台 名人豪♥宅♥秀》
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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