糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E01
Part 3
Jan. 3, 2021, 12:59 p.m.
-请问你是 -诺丁汉郡的亨利·普特
- And you are? - Henry Pert of Nottinghamshire.
有没有可能 你的死因跟箭有关
And is your death, by any chance, arrow related?
是的 我是个都铎弓箭手 你怎么知道的
Yes, it is, I'm a Tudor archer. How did you know?
瞎猫又碰上了死耗子
Just a lucky guess. Again.
说吧 你是怎么死的
Go on, then, let's hear your story.
我把弓拉满
Well, I pulled my bow back to its full extent,
向天空射了一箭
to loose an arrow straight into the air,
但是我拉得太满了
only I'd pulled it back so far
箭卡在了弓里
the arrow got lodged in the bow.
于是我弯腰检查是怎么回事
So I've lent over to have a look at what's going on there...
然后呢
Yes?
射到我脑袋里了
Went in me head.
"都铎弓箭手最窘死法奖"的获得者是
The Most Embarrassing Tudor Archery Death Award goes to...
射头男 亨利
Henry The Plonker! Ha-ha!
-你可以投胎了 -很好 朋友
- You're through to the afterlife. - Nice one, mate.
我跟你说吧 这工作越来越有意思了
Oh, I tell you, this job just gets better and better.
-找到笑点了 因为我没脑子 -出去
- I get it now, cos I haven't got a brain. - Out!
这工作也有些弊端
Well, there are some drawbacks.
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time it's not you
他们回来了
They're back!
1596年
1596.
这次估计是审判之年了
Maybe this is Judgement Year.
西班牙无敌舰队 第四部
Spanish Armada IV.
不管怎样
I don't care what happens,
只要我的140艘大型帆船舰队
as long as my fleet of 140 galleons
别在英吉利海岸
wasn't wrecked by storms
-被暴风雨摧毁就行 -确实没有
- off the English coast. - It wasn't!
舰队根本没走那么远
It never got that far,
在西班牙海岸就被暴风雨摧毁了
it was wrecked by storms off the Spanish coast.
就这么着吧 彻底结束了
OK, that's it, we're done here.
1597年 审判之...
1597, Judgement...
面对现实吧 这次也不会是审判之年
Let's face it, it's not going to be Judgement Year.
西班牙无敌舰队 第五部
Spanish Armada V.
又是暴风雨 我不会回来了
Storms again? I won't be back.
可怕古埃及
古埃及版宇宙的奇迹
[恶搞BBC纪录片《宇宙的奇迹》]
大家好 我是帅气的古埃及科学家
Hi. I'm a hot Egyptian scientist
[演员的语气及口音均模仿《宇宙的奇迹》主持人Brian Cox]
欢迎收看《古埃及版宇宙的奇迹》
and welcome to Wonders of the Egyptian Universe.
我们古埃及人都是惊为天人的科学家
We ancient Egyptians were amazing scientists,
仅凭一些绳子 木头和数学♥运♥算
with nothing but bits of string and wood and maths,
高端大气的数学
lovely magnificent mathematics,
我们就能用数百万块的石头建起金字塔
we were able to construct perfectly shaped pyramids,
外形完美 精密度达到0.05%
using millions of stones to an accuracy of 0.05%.
是真的
难以想象吧 你在想吗 太惊人了
Can you imagine that? You imagining it? Amazing!
而且是我们古埃及人
And, it was us Egyptians
最先追踪星星的运动轨迹
who first tracked the movements of the stars,
我们利用这些知识排列的建筑
using them to align our buildings
与苍穹完美对称
in perfect symmetry with the heavens.
他们真的可以做到
完美对称 太棒了
Perfect symmetry. Amazing!
此外 我们古埃及人认识到
And it was us Egyptians who realised
每天早上法老必须举♥行♥一个神奇的仪式
that the Pharaoh had to perform a magic ceremony in the mornings,
否则太阳就不会升起
otherwise the sun wouldn't rise.
他们真的相信这些
抱歉 布莱恩 最后一句说的什么
Sorry, Brian, what was that last bit?
在古埃及之前
Before us Egyptians,
没人知道太阳在空中运动
no-one had any idea that the sun travelled across the sky
是因为有只金龟子在推着它走
by being rolled by a dung beetle.
也相信这个
等等 布莱恩 金龟子
Stop you there, Brian. A dung beetle?
一只超级大的金龟子 名叫凯布利
A vast giant dung beetle called Khepri.
这是古埃及的科学事实
It's ancient Egyptian scientific fact.
好吧 核实一下 布莱恩
All right, reality check, Brian.
如果这只金龟子超级大
If this dung beetle is so massive,
我们为什么看不到
why can't we see it?
一只非常 非常大的 隐形金龟子
A giant, vast, INVISIBLE dung beetle.
好吧 法老和金龟子这段之前
OK, you were actually doing really well
你说得都非常好
until the Pharaoh and the dung beetle.
但是这段实在太荒唐了
But that is just crazy!
那太阳还能怎样穿过天空呢
How else is the sun going to travel across the sky?
难道它静止不动
What, is it just going to stand still
让我们这颗巨大的星球自己旋转吗
while this entire massive planet revolves all by itself?
我在讲古埃及的科学事实呢
I'm talking about ancient Egyptian scientific fact here.
你确定吗 布莱恩
Sure about that, Brian?
不然太阳是怎么划过天际
How else would it get to the other end of the sky,
最终被哈索尔吃掉的
where it gets eaten by a cow goddess?
[古埃及女神 牛头人身女子]
他们也相信这个
好吧 我听够了 伙计们
OK, I've heard enough. Fellas.
等等 别 我还没跟你们说行星的事
Hang on, no. I haven't told you about the planets,
它们其实是能预知未来的神
how they're actually gods who can predict the future.
这是古埃及的科学事实 太惊人了
It's ancient Egyptian scientific fact. It's amazing!
如果你认为我们的科学很复杂
And if you thought our science was complicated,
那你应该试试埃及的天堂
you should try getting into Egyptian heaven,
在此之前 必须先闯过艰险崎岖的冥界
which involved a very tricky journey through the underworld,
即杜亚特
known as the Duat.
糟糕历史游戏出品 《杜亚特冥河》
HH Games presents, Duat.
你能否通过杜亚特的试炼
Do you have what it takes to navigate your way through the Duat
顺利到达古埃及的天堂
and make it to ancient Egyptian heaven?
关卡1到9 勇闯险恶地势
Levels one to nine, survive the unforgiving terrain,
渡火焰之河 过沸腾之湖
making your way past rivers of fire and boiling lakes.
冷却
可能需要点时间才能冷却
This might take a while.
关卡10到19 抵御猛兽攻击
Levels 10 to 19, fend off attacks from ferocious wild animals,
巨鳄 猛蛇 甲虫
crocodiles, snakes and beetles.
甲虫 甲虫 拜托一定要是甲虫
Beetles, beetles, please let it be beetles!
巨型甲虫 巨型... 暂停游戏
Giant beetle? Giant be... Pause the game!
游戏暂停
至少告诉我 我可以拿什么武器防身
Well, at least tell me what weapon I get to defend myself with.
武器 抱歉 你没有任何武器
Weapons? Oh, no, you don't get any weapons.
只有这个 《亡灵书》
Just this- The Book of the Dead.
[与死者一同下葬的纸制书籍]
走着瞧 巨型食人甲虫
Look out, giant man-eating beetle,
我有个破卷轴
I'm packing a scroll.
卷轴里写满了能打败怪兽的符咒
It's full of spells to defeat your tormentors.
好吧 那可能还有用
Oh, OK, that could work.
玩家必须按下不同的组合键
Player must use the various control pad key combinations
来使用正确的咒语
to enact the right spells.
搞定
Gotcha!
你也可以抱着侥幸心理
Or, alternatively, just whack the keys at random
随机按键
and hope for the best.
每关终点 你必须闯过怪物的看守
At the end of each level, you must pass through a gate
才能开启胜利大门 比如这只...
guarded by a terrifying, grotesque monster, such as...
蛇怪
he who lives on snakes.
我能搞定他
I can take him.
血舞妖
He who dances in blood.
估计也能打败他
Reckon I could have him too.
以及食粪怪
And he who eats the excrement of his hindquarters.
好吧 好吧 你赢了
All right, all right, you win.
别对着我喘气
Just don't breathe on me!
打败所有的怪物 你就能到达最后一关
Beat all the bosses and you'll reach the final level,
心脏称量仪式
the weighing of the heart ceremony.
将你的心脏与真实之羽权衡轻重
Your heart is weighed against the feather of truth,
你一生说过的谎言都会原形毕露
which knows all the lies you've told in your past life.
你输了
好了 我承认上学时在拼写测试中作弊了
OK, OK, so I cheated during the school spelling test.
你拼过象形文字吗
Have you ever tried hieroglyphics?
《杜亚特冥河》 死后开始玩的游戏
DUAT. The game where you're dead before you start.
售价五袋大麦
Yours to own in exchange for five sacks of barley,
三张豹皮 两匹骏马 或一名可靠的奴隶
three leopard skins, two good horses or one reliable slave.
华丽的乔治王朝
在乔治时代 我们有很棒的消防队
In Georgian times, we had an excellent fire service.
实际上 选择很多
In fact, there were several to choose from
而这些选择可能让你很困惑
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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