糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E05
Part 5
Jan. 3, 2021, 1 p.m.
伊丽莎白的真实语句
汝行何事 汝将行何事
what thou doth or what thou art to do.
顺便 你要是在这里能让我砍头就好了
PS - wish you were here so I could cut your head off.
并非原句
我们有皇室大臣们
And we've got the photos
不希望你们看到的照片
the royal courtiers didn't want you to see.
看看这些丢人的汗渍
Look at those embarrassing sweat patches!
丢人的汗渍
见到暴怒的伊丽莎白 你也会一身汗
You'd be sweaty too if you had to meet livid Liz!
其实 那不是汗渍
Actually, that's not a sweat patch.
伊丽莎白女王不喜欢我衣服上的流苏
Queen Elizabeth didn't like the tassels on my outfit,
所以她朝我吐口水
so she spat on me.
丢人的口水渍
她真的吐了
She really did!
这就是女王不为人知的一面
It's your Queen as you've never seen her before.
别惹我生气
Don't make me angry.
你不会喜欢生气的我
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!
不要怒发冲冠 陛下
Keep your hair on, ma'am!
你做不到 那是顶假发
Oh, you can't, it's a wig!
我听见了 把刽子手叫来
I heard that. Call my executioner!
《噢耶》杂♥志♥ 趁着脑袋没掉赶快买♥♥
Oh Yea! Magazine - buy it now while necks last.
邪恶的维多利亚时代
你可能听说过"骑兵旅的冲锋"
You may have heard of the Charge of the Light Brigade,
一系列愚蠢的错误
a catalogue of silly mistakes
导致了英军的一场灾难
that led to a British military disaster.
很明显 原来不是这样计划的
Obviously, it wasn't planned that way,
如果当初有计划的话
but if it had been,
那肯定是这个样子
it might have gone something like this.
注意了 同志们
OK, pay attention, chaps.
克里米亚 1854年10月
这是克里米亚战争
Here is the plan for the pivotal battle
最关键一役的计划
in the whole of the Crimean War.
太好了 拉格兰勋爵
Splendid, Lord Raglan.
作为指挥官 我将坐镇这座小山
As your commanding officer, I will be up here on the hill
从那里我将给部队下达
from where I will order our troops to charge
向俄军冲锋的命令
the enemy Russian guns.
哪一支 长官
Which ones, sir?
问得好
Good question!
你没有看起来那么蠢 老卡迪根
Not as stupid as you look, old Cardigan!
我觉得我就那么蠢 长官
Oh, I think I am, sir!
其实我也蠢
And so am I,
所以我不会发现只有我才能看到
which is why I won't realise that I'm the only one that can see
其实有两支俄军部队
that there are TWO enemy Russian guns.
你们会在这边的山谷里
The rest of you will be in the valley here,
能看到这里的部队 看不到这里的
able to see the guns HERE, but not HERE!
-明白 长官 -诺兰队长
- Right, sir. - Captain Nolan?
事实确实如此
在 长官
Yes, sir?
你跟着我 我会给你一条
You will be with me and I shall issue you
字迹潦草 含糊不清的
with a very vague and badly-written order
攻击俄方部队的命令
to attack the enemy Russian guns,
你负责传达给卢肯勋爵
which you will carry to Lord Lucan.
我肯定弄不清你说的是哪一支 对吧
But surely I won't know which Russian guns you mean, sir?
你懂了 小子
Ha-ha, now you're getting it, boy!
你会问诺兰 哪支部队
You will ask Nolan, "Which guns?"
他的回答是 那支部队
To which he will reply, "Those guns,"
指过一大♥片♥区域 你依然一头雾水
giving a very broad sweep of his arm, leaving you none the wiser.
-这计划好极了 -谢谢夸奖
- It's a jolly good plan! - Oh, thank you.
-老卡迪根 -在 长官
- Old Cardigan. - Yes, sir?
你将率领轻骑兵冲锋
You will be in charge of the Light Brigade,
当卢肯传来冲锋的命令
so when Lucan here, gives you the order to charge,
你就会 向着错误的目标进攻
you just...charge off at completely the wrong guns!
妙计
Brilliant.
轻骑兵确实冲向了错误的敌人
诺兰 他们一出发 你就意识到错误
Nolan, as they set off, you'll realise your mistake
试图冲到前面警告卡迪根
and try to charge ahead to warn Cardigan,
不过在你传递消息前
but you'll be shot and killed
你就会被击中之后挂掉
before you're able to give him the message.
这真的发生了
明白了 长官
Right you are, sir.
原计划是卢肯勋爵率领重骑兵
The plan is for Lucan to follow Cardigan
接应卡迪根
with the Heavy Brigade as backup,
不过自然而然 卢肯根本不会去接应
but naturally, Lucan won't follow at all.
他会作壁上观 让你去对付烂摊子
He will simply stand and watch, and leave you to it.
为什么 长官
Why's that, sir?
因为你是我的小舅子 而且我讨厌你
Because you're my brother-in-law and I don't like you!
都是真的
看到了吧 这就是一小撮上流社会傻瓜
You see, these are all the advantages of having the army commanded
统领军队的好处
by a small group of upper-class twits!
我不是上流社会傻瓜 长官
I'm not an upper-class twit, sir.
这就是啥事都不归你管的原因 诺兰
That's why you're not in charge of anything at all, Nolan!
闭嘴 还有问题吗
So be quiet! Any questions?
只有一个 长官
Just one, sir.
我们冲向了完全错误的军队 结果呢
What happens when we charge completely at the wrong guns?
俄♥国♥人从四面八方向你开火
Well, the Russians will open fire at you from all sides
几百人被杀 被俘或者受伤
and hundreds will be killed, taken prisoner or wounded.
这将是一场彻底的灾难
It will be an utter disaster!
但你会奇迹般从冲锋中幸存 老卡迪根
Miraculously, you will survive the charge, old Cardigan,
你没有带着自己的残部奋勇反击
but instead of struggling back with the rest of your troops,
而是直奔你的游艇 享受豪华午餐
you will simply head to your yacht for a slap-up lunch.
最好写个备忘 豪华午餐 非常好
Best make a note of that. Slap-up lunch, very good.
卡迪根勋爵确实这么做的
都明白了吧
So, are we all clear?
没 一点没懂
No, not really, no.
好极了 开始冲锋吧
Marvellous! Then let the charge begin!
万岁
Hoorah!
四十年前 拉格兰勋爵在拿破仑战争中
Lord Raglan had fought against the French in the Napoleonic Wars
曾与法国人作战
about 40 years before.
他坚持将敌人称为"法国人"
He insisted on calling the enemy the French,
虽然克里米亚战争中的敌人是俄♥国♥人
even though the enemy in the Crimean War were the Russians!
事实上 法国人是拉格兰的盟友
In fact, the French were on Raglan's side!
难怪他丢掉了轻骑兵部队
No wonder he lost his Light Brigade!
不过 在克里米亚也有几位伟大的护士
Just as well, there were some great nurses in the Crimea.
英国旅馆
[戏仿碧昂斯的歌♥曲Single Ladies]
玛丽·西科尔 著名的护士*
*Me name Mary Seacole, famous nurse
专门照顾克里米亚小伙*
*To the Crimean boys
不是弗洛伦斯·南丁格尔*
*No, me not Florence Nightingale
我最讨厌被人弄错*
*Dat mix up, me annoys
护理老师是母亲*
*Me learn me skills in Jamaica
在牙买♥♥加照顾人*
*Where me mother nursed de sick
命中注定做护士*
*And I tink it my destiny, child
走上战场救士兵*
*To be a war medic
咳嗽厉害喝点药*
*If you're coughing then you should have a drink with it
胃口不好把我叫*
*If your diet's poor you should really tink upon it
霍乱补水最重要*
*If it's cholera rehydration's best for it
发烧休息就会好*
*If it's fever better take some rest for it
克里米亚战争甫爆发*
*When Crimean War broke out
弗洛伦斯团队想参加*
*Me apply for Florence's crew
身为黑人惨遭拒*
*She turn me down because me black
奇怪但却是实话*
*Yup, weird, I know, but true
历史牢记我之名*
*History still says me name
因我从不抱怨啊*
*Cos me not one to moan
求助朋友托马斯·戴*
*Me ask me friend Thomas Day for help
自己整装便出发*
*And set off upon my own
伤口抹上芥末膏*
*If you need it put a mustard plaster upon it
出血不再是困扰*
*If you're bleeding shouldn't be disaster for it
腿断夹板要用到*
*If your leg broke going to need a cast on it
蓖麻油助你上大号♥*
*If you're constipated take oil of castor for it
克里米亚 曾走过呀*
*Once here, in Crimea
身先士卒 做先锋啊*
*Me became a pioneer
我的木匠 在前线呀*
*Me carpenters engineered
一家旅店 建出来啊*
*A hotel at the new frontier
来到前线 一八五五*
*Set up on the front line in 1855
独♥立♥女性 救治行伍*
*Independent woman saving soldiers' lives.
欢迎来到 英国旅店
Welcome to the British Hotel.
我的旅店 受人欢迎*
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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