糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S04E04

Part 4 Jan. 3, 2021, 1 p.m.

[纽卡斯尔的英文意思为新城♥堡♥]
慢着我来自纽卡斯尔*
*Wait, I'm from Newcastle
我们能把这里叫做新新堡吗*
*Can we call it New Newcastle?
不行*
*Nah
这是一个新世界*
*It's a new world.
可悲的二战
二战期间阿道夫·希♥特♥勒♥统治德国
During World War II, Germany was ruled by Adolf Hitler,
他为人狠毒连他自己的守卫都超级怕他
who was so mean even his own guards were afraid of him.
1944年6月6日柏林
我有紧急消息要通报给元首
I have an urgent message for the Fuhrer.
恐怕他还在睡觉
He is asleep, I'm afraid.
我认为我们应该叫醒他
Well, I think we should wake him up.
-叫醒阿道夫·希♥特♥勒♥ -你疯了吗
- Wake up Adolf Hitler? - Are you mad?
元首要睡到正午
The Fuhrer is to sleep until midday.
这是命令
Those are our orders.
希♥特♥勒♥的确下令不准别人在他睡觉时叫醒他
但这件事很重要
Ja, but this is important.
没有什么会比元首的命令更重要
Nothing is more important than the Fuhrer's orders.
这件事可能会
Well, I think this might be.
不行元首在睡觉
Nein, he is to sleep.
不然他会大发雷霆的
Ja, otherwise he gets very grumpy.
-比平时更暴躁 -就是
- Well, more grumpy than usual. - Ja.
我不管他会多生气他必须得起来
I don't care how grumpy he gets. He must be woken up!
入侵已经开始了
The invasion has come.
就在这会儿已经有坦克在向我们逼近了
There are tanks rolling towards us as we speak.
-坦克 -隆美尔会处理的这是他的事
- Tanks? - Well then, Rommel can deal with it, it's his job.
隆美尔正在柏林今天是他妻子的生日
Rommel is here in Berlin. It's his wife's birthday.
隆美尔的确为了自己妻子的生日而请假
那就行了
There we are, then!
如果隆美尔在事情就不会太严重
If Rommel is here, then it can't be that serious.
错了傻瓜
No, dummkopf!
隆美尔在这说明没人知道入侵已经开始了
If Rommel is here, it means no-one knew the invasion was coming!
你不明白吗
Don't you understand?
再不赶快行动我们可能就会输掉战争
Unless we act fast we might lose the war!
那我直说吧
So let me get this straight.
你想让我去叫醒起床气先生
You want me to go in there and wake up Mr Grumpy Pants...?
你在做什么我说过要睡到十二点的
"What are you doing? I issued orders to sleep until 12!"
还要告诉他
And tell him
如果再不起来我们就会输掉战争了
that unless he wakes up we are going to lose the war?
当然
Ja!
听着不用担心那边有坦克
Listen, don't worry about it. There are tanks down there.
坦克不会自己动的它们在等待指令
The tanks are not moving, they are waiting for orders!
隆美尔会给它们指令的
Then Rommel can give them orders.
它们必须要得到元首亲自发的指令
We must have orders from the Fuhrer himself!
你们还不明白吗
You still don't get it, do you?
不是你还没明白大男人先生
No, it is you who doesn't get it, Mr Man.
如果我在正午之前进去吵醒元首
If I go in there and wake up the Fuhrer before midday,
-他会...他会... -他会...
- he will... Well, he will... - Ooh, he'll...
他会掀翻屋顶的
Well, he will get in such a paddy!
狂怒不已
Such a paddy he'll get in.
我不管什么怒不怒
I don't care about the paddy!
如果不叫醒他我们就要输了
If we don't wake him up, we will lose the war!
元首醒了他刚刚发下命令
The Fuhrer is awake, and he has issued his order.
快给我真是
Give that to me! Honestly!
烤面包涂橘子酱外加苹果派这是什么
Marmalade on toast und apple strudel. What is this?
这是他点的早餐
It's his breakfast order.
希♥特♥勒♥的早餐就是这个
必须马上执行
And it must be acted on immediately.
不靠谱武器81号♥
Dodgy war machines, No. 81.
德国U型潜水艇
The German U-boat.
光滑流线悄无声息敏捷而致命
Sleek, silent, fast, deadly.
这是设计完美的战斗机器
It was the perfectly designed fighting machine.
我说的设计完美
Well, I say perfectly designed,
是指艇上配备了设计繁复的
it was fitted with a very complicated
高压厕所系统
high-pressure toilet system.
二战期间一位U型潜艇的船长上完厕所
During World War II, one U-boat captain went to the toilet
想要冲马桶但是他拉错了控制杆
and tried to flush it, but pulled the wrong lever.
船长你做了什么
Captain, what have you done?
你最好过一阵子再进去
Oh, ja, you may want to leave it a while.
他开错了阀门没有将污水冲走
Rather than flush his sewage out, he'd opened the wrong valve
反而让污水和海水灌入了船舱
and let raw sewage and sea water in.
这可不太好
Oh, das is not good.
污水渗进了发动机舱与化学电池混合
It seeped into the engine room, mixed with chemical batteries,
产生了一种致命的气体
and produced a lethal gas.
我闻到了毒气
I smell noxious gas.
我觉得那是我放的
Yeah, I think that gas is just me.
不等等这个不是
Oh, no, hold on. No, no, no, that one isn't.
潜艇只好在距离苏格兰十二英里处上浮
The sub had no choice but to surface 12 miles off Scotland.
它立即被发现了只好向英国投降
It was instantly spotted and had to surrender to the British.
这本来是面白旗只是...
Uh, it's supposed to be a white flag, only...
抱歉这说来话长
Well, it's a long story, sorry.
以上全部"鼠"实
That's 100% - accu-rat!
船长因为使用厕所毁了自己的U型潜艇
The captain destroyed his own U-boat by using the loo.
与其说是红色警报不如说是棕色警报
Not so much a red alert as a brown alert.
抱歉
Sorry.
野蛮的石器时代
两种早期人类智人和尼安德特人
Two types of early man, Homo Sapiens and Neanderthal,
差别非常大
were very different,
特别是他们的狩猎方式
especially when it came to hunting.
历史版飞黄腾达
好早上好早上好
Right. Good morning, good morning.
大家能都坐好吗
Can we settle down please?
告诉你们这几年间
Tell you what, I've had some primitive characters
我已经面试过不少原始人
around this table over the years,
你们在其中算得上数一数二的讨人厌
but you lot take the flaming biscuit!
送你们一句话该修胡子了
Two words for ya. Beard trimmers.
会议室中的表现占比赛的一半
Boardroom presentation is 50% of the battle,
而你们一个个看起来像
and you lot look like if
刚刚从篱笆缝里拖出来一样
you've been dragged through a hedge backwards.
实际上小糖糖我被拖过
Actually, Sugar, me have.
一只巨熊干的
By mega bear.
叫我唐勋爵
It's Lord Sugar to you!
不过谢谢你这是个很好的解释
But thank you, that explains it.
要想营生你们必须具备杀手本能
Now, in business you need that killer instinct.
所以你们的任务就是外出狩猎
So your task was to go out hunting.
尼安德特人队你们的项目经理是谁
Team Neanderthal, who was your project manager?
-咕噜是项目经理 -他还好吗
- Uh, Grunt was project manager. - And was he any good?
你觉得呢他死了
What do you think? Hmm. Him dead.
说实话真是一团糟
What a mess, honestly.
你们尼安德特人是不是压根没有狩猎策略
Did you Neanderthals even have a hunting strategy?
纳格告诉他你的策略
Nug, tell him your strategy.
不是我独创的策略所有尼安德特人都这么干
Not my strategy, all Neanderthals' strategy.
把错推到大家身上真行
Oh, yeah, spread the blame, why don't you?
我不管这个策略是谁想的
Look, I don't care who came up with the blooming strategy.
只要告诉我是什么样的
Can you just tell me what it is, please?
首先我们藏起来
First, we hide.
然后呢
Yeah?
然后跳出去吓唬猎物再用长矛攻击
Then we jump out, surprise prey and attack with spear!
这就是尼安德特人的狩猎方法
只是纳格出了点声响提醒了那只大熊
Yeah, except Nug make noise. Nug warn mega bear.
不是奥格弄出了声响
No, Ugg make noise.
不是纳格弄出了声响
No, Nug make noise.
总而言之尼安德特人都被撕成了碎片
In short, the Neanderthals were cut to pieces
而巨熊只受了点小擦伤
and the mega bear walked away with a couple of scratches.
正面迎击猎物显然风险极高
Taking on prey head on is clearly a very high-risk strategy.
至少智人队看起来不像
At least the Homo Sapien team here don't look like
已经与巨熊大战了三百回合的样子
they've gone ten rounds with a mega bear.
你们的狩猎策略是什么
What was your hunting strategy?
追在猎物后面然后扔出长矛
Run after prey, then throw spear.
远距离击杀不需要靠近猎物
Kill from distance. No need get near prey.
这就是智人的狩猎方法
-凯伦 -是的唐勋爵
- Karen? - That's right, Lord Sugar.
智人都非常擅长跑步
The Homo Sapiens are good runners
而且他们发明了一种投枪
and they've developed a throwing javelin,
也就是说他们用不着靠近猎物
which means they don't need to get near their prey.