闺蜜离婚指南（2014）

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce S04E02

Part 2 April 5, 2021, 5:21 p.m.

You said Punk Medici. I didn't want to disappoint.
什么哪里有问题
What? What is so funny?
好吧如果...
Okay, so what if...
大鸟先生手里拿着他的大鸟
Sir Cocksalot enters the castle
走进城♥堡♥呢
with his dick in his hands?
是吧
Right?
把剑拿走
We take out the sword,
换上一个巨大的假阳♥具♥
and we replace it with a giant dildo.
那才是朋克
That's punk.
那绝对会燃爆全场
That would definitely put a twist on things.
菲比女士我任命你去找到
Gentle Phoebe, I task you with finding
这片土地上最大的假阳♥具♥
the biggest dildo in all the land.
-真的 -是的
- Seriously? - Yes.
我觉得挑选生殖器超出了
I think dick shopping is stretching the definition
文化专员的职责
of cultural attaché.
没错娇娇女
Trust, girlie-girl.
我们要在此实现一个艺术构想了
We're realizing an artistic vision here.
我们将要完成一项重要的艺术作品
We're gonna commission a major work of art.
-一副天花板壁画 -画什么
- A ceiling fresco. - Of what?
瞧
See it.
我龙女祭司从鳞片到羽翼
Me, Dragon Priestess. All scales and wings and fire,
都无比渴望一场奢靡的凡间狂欢
looking out over a decadent Middle Earth orgy.
非常玄幻
That is trippy.
只要我们找到合适的艺术家
Only we need to find the right artist.
理查德·普林斯或者约翰·柯林
Richard Prince or maybe John Currin.
我有个更棒的想法
I have a juicier idea.
-你的前任 -JD
- Your ex. - JD?
严格意义上他不是我的前任只是先缓缓
He's not technically my ex. We're just taking a breather.
但这在消耗你
But it's wearing on you.
你愁眉苦脸的样子可越来越明显了
I can see it more and more in that frowny face.
真的我以为我
Really? I thought I...
不那只是因为我们关系密切
No, no, that's just because you and I are connected.
当你难过时我也会难过
So when you're sad, it makes me sad.
大概有两个月吧姑娘
For, like, two months, wench.
地狱正在折磨你
The limbo is killing you.
-还有我 -我知道
- And me. - I know,
只是从整个小屋崩溃事件后
I just haven't seen or spoken to him
我还没见到他也没和他聊过
since the whole cabin debacle,
不知道他得多开明才会见我
and I don't know how open he's gonna be to seeing me.
这与我和朋友们的聚会无关
Well, this isn't about hanging with my posse.
这是一份真正的工作
This is about a real job,
这对你们俩都好
which is good for him and for you.
你真的要让我去见JD
Are you really sending me to see JD?
我勇敢的姑娘 P
You're my girl, P.
我想让你重拾快乐
I want you to get your happy back.
上帝啊你还在纠结意式脆饼
Good Lord. Are you still debating biscotti?
不我没事
No, I'm good.
确定吗
Are you sure?
金米包起来麦卡锡来看看这个
Kimmy, wrap it up. McCarthy, check this out.
什么
What?
来自KRWW对女性部分的新闻需求
It is a media request for Lady Parts from KRWW
要刊登在他们明天的"引人注目"版块
to appear on their "Buzzworthy" Segment tomorrow.
"引人注目" 我喜欢
"Buzzworthy," I love that.
KRWW在哪里
Where's KRWW?
圣路易斯奥比斯波
San Luis Obispo.
不那里太远了
Oh, no, that's a drive.
势利鬼这是次上电视的机会
Hey, snobby. It's TV exposure.
我知道但莉莉明天要去看妇科医生
I know, but tomorrow is Lilly's gyno appointment.
这是她一生中最重要的就医经历
The most important doctor's appointment of her entire life,
我不能因为老妈自己要上电视就错过它
and I can't miss it just so Mommy can be on TV.
确实
True.
但电视台会直接找别人替代的
But the station'll just find someone else.
你为什么不自己去
Why don't you do it solo?
我吗提醒一下
Me? Uh, reminder,
你是门面担当而我从没上过电视
you're the face and TV virgin here.
是的但我们是搭档
Yeah, but we're partners.
我们应该一同分享辛劳与荣耀
You know, we need to share the load and the glory.
我们可以打造你的电视首秀
We can pop your TV cherry.
肯定会大放异彩我能雇一个媒体指导
It'll be amazing. I can hire a media coach.
我认识一个很棒的她很贵但很优秀
I know a really good one. She's pricey, but good.
你很贴心但不值得花那么多钱
You're sweet, but it's not worth the money.
我只是紧张而已
I'm just nervous. That's all.
好吧你要穿什么
Okay, well, what are you gonna wear?
穿我的衣服
Uh, my clothes?
我们可以去逛街
We can go shopping?
肯定会很有意思
That would be so much fun.
我会带... 好吧我打住
I will ta-- okay, I'll stop.
你自己能行
You got this.
金米等等我们用上意大利脆饼吧
Kimmy, hold. Let's use the biscotti.
不我确定我们重新安排到明天了
No, I think we rescheduled it for--oh, tomorrow, I believe.
是的没错他们是这么做的
Yes, that's true. They did.
-艾伯特占用你一点时间 -能等等吗
- Albert, I need a minute. - Can it wait?
-我想出城几天 -不行
- I'm trying to get out of town for a couple of days. - No. No,
我们遇上了问题
We have a situation,
你不能就这样一走了之
and you can't worm your way out of this.
你要做什么
What are you gonna do?
我要聚集一共25个原告
I'm gonna round up a list of 25 plaintiffs,
我要对克里斯特德控股提起集体诉讼
I'm gonna build a class action lawsuit against Christede Holdings,
我要搞定他们让他们作为完全责任人
and I'm gonna kick their ass to the tune of $15 million
赔偿我们事务所1500万元
with our firm as full partner.
这都是因为你在法律援助部的诉讼吗
This is about partnering in your Legal Aid lawsuit?
你敢笑试试
Don't you dare laugh.
艾伯特这些卑鄙的高价房♥东
Albert, these slumlord scumbags
打破了加州的每一条租户守则
have broken every tenant code in California,
而且最终这个案子能为我们赚更多钱
and, ultimately, it's gonna make us more money
比我在任何离婚案中赚的都多
than any divorce case I could bring in.
抱歉我只是很惊讶
I'm sorry. I was just surprised.
好的
Yes.
-好什么 -好的行动吧
- Yes, what? - Yes, run with it.
-好吧有什么条件 -没有条件
- Okay, what's the catch? - No catch.
你需要怎么样就怎么样
Whatever you need.
谢谢
Thank you.
我能不能说这次离婚
Can I just say I think this divorce has been
对你来说特别好你就像换了一个人
really good for you. I mean, you're like a new man.
-我吗 -是的
- Me? - Yeah.
你才是有所改变的那个人
You're the one who's changed.
法律援助的那些事非常令人敬佩
This Legal Aid thing, it is very impressive.
你是该有属于自己的社会活动宣传形象
You should have your own social action action figure.
谢谢
Well, thank you.
-你要去哪里 -我
- Hey, where you going? - Me?
是啊...
Oh, yeah, uh...
冲浪营在拉荷亚
Surf camp. La Jolla.
远离城市帮助我保持我的判断力
Getting out of the city helps me keep my perspective.
好的
Uh-huh, okay.
无论那是什么继续坚持
Well, whatever it is, keep doing it
因为它挺有用的
'Cause, you know, it's working.
有没有烧心感痔疮呢
Any heartburn? Hemorrhoids?
看这个
Oh, look at that.
看上去非常有用
That looks very informative.
和一个伴侣做♥爱♥也可能相当于群♥交♥
Sex with one partner can still be group sex.
这到底是什么意思
What does that even mean?
这意味着人乳♥头♥状瘤病毒
That means HPV
和其他种类的性病
and all the other types of STDs you can catch
你都可能在不知情的情况下染上看这里
without even knowing it. There you go.
-妈... -"衣原体病淋病"
- Mom, c-- - "Chlamydia, gonorrhea..."
妈你这样让我很不舒服
Mom, you're making me really uncomfortable.
不不舒服的是你回到家跟我说
No, uncomfortable is you coming home and saying,
"妈我阴♥唇♥中间这奇怪的蓝肿块是什么"
"Mom, what's this weird blue bump inside my labia?"
艾比别说了
Abby, stop talking.
好吧
Okay.
-莉莉·诺瓦克 -在这里