熟女镇（2009）

Cougar Town S06E12

Part 3 Dec. 8, 2020, 11 p.m.

No. Leathery like, uh...
不不是老式的...
Oh, my!
老天呐
What? What's wrong?
什么怎么了
Oh, nothing.
没什么
Uh, everything's fine, just like we planned,
都挺好的一切按计划进行
Except the romantic comedy that I chose,
但我选的那部爱情喜剧
"Straps and Clamps," might be a porno.
《鞭笞之爱》可能是个毛♥片♥
Not like we planned.
计划破产了
Damn it, Andy! I'm calling Tom.
擦安迪我得赶快通知汤姆
Please tell me I heard that right
我没听错吧
and you sent gumby to a porno.
你让呆瓜看毛♥片♥去啦
Trying to score gumby some pokey, are you?
想让他开点窍是不
You know, you two are just like Statler and Waldorf,
你俩就像史塔勒和华道夫
those muppet jerks who heckled everyone from the balcony.
总在露台上居高临下指指点点
He's right. We can go to the balcony.
他说得没错咱俩该去露台上
We can see more. We can heckle more.
多多总揽全局指指点点
Yeah!
好耶
Thanks for the tip, dipwad.
多谢啦蠢蛋
Tom! Out of the theater. It's a porno.
汤姆别看啦那是部黄♥片♥
It's a porno!
是黄♥片♥呐
Oh, I'm sorry. Wrong number.
抱歉打错了
Tom, out of the theater! It's a porno!
汤姆快撤吧那是部黄♥片♥
It's a porno!
是黄♥片♥呐
Let's get out of here. I-I think I've seen this.
我们走吧这片子我好像看过了
Come on, we got to get ready!
快他俩马上出来了
I am. I got the squibs.
淡定爆竹我都搞好了
Well, honey, you did not get them from me!
亲为什么不让我来弄
I have been supes faithful.
我一直等你呢
I actually meant special-effects squibs,
好吧我自己整了特效爆竹
but great to hear.
声音效果超赞
They're rigged to explode
爆了以后
to make me look like I got shredded with an uzi.
我全身就像被扫射了一样
You traded in the choking plan
先前假装窒息的计划多好啊
to have Tom patch you up from an attack from an uzi?!
汤姆在大街上咋给你治枪伤啊
So, what do we do now?
我们现在咋办
I know how to dislocate someone's finger.
我知道咋把手指弄错位
I learned it in juvie. It's really easy.
我在少管所学的超简单
You just pop it out, and then afterwards, we'll pop it back in.
嘎嘣一下把手指掰弯就行了完事再扳正
If you think you're actually going to hurt one of us --
你不是要动真格的吧...
It's not a question of "If," buddy.
没错就是要来真的
It is a question of "Who."
你俩谁愿意献身啊
Aah! Here they come.
他们来啦
Someone's getting hurt in 3...2...
快决定三二...
Andy! Do andy!
安迪就安迪了
Hey! You should be really ashamed of yourself.
你还要不要脸啊
Bad move.
这下是你自找的
Come on!
不是吧
Help! We need a doctor!
救命来人呐
Uh, excuse me.
我去去就回
What's the status of Operation Hero?
逞英雄行动情况如何
Turns out, Tom's not great with bent extremities.
汤姆不太会治指头错位
Brain tissue isn't gross
脑组织完好
because there's no visible sign of damage,
目测没什么损伤
but a-a finger that's bent like --
但手指弯成这样...
It's not supposed to look like that!
正常不该是这样的啊
Hey! I agree with the crier!
哭鼻子的货说得没错
It is not supposed to look like that.
正常不该是这样的
Paging a doctor who doesn't suck.
赶紧找个正经医生吧
Paging a doctor who doesn't suck.
赶紧找个正经医生吧
Hey, I've got an idea.
要不这样吧
Why don't I put it back in
我给他正骨
the way that you showed me last week, Tom?
你上周不是才教我的嘛
Right. Uh, great idea. Great idea.
好你来吧
Okay.
好
Oh, the back-in part hurts more.
扳正比扳弯还疼
Well, at least he --
起码他的手...
I think your friend's been shot!
你朋友好像中枪了
H-he'll be fine. You ever been to Gray's pub?
没事他命硬你去过格雷的酒吧没
Here they come.
他们来了
Okay, now remember --
别忘了
We have to keep Tom from freaking Mary out
别没等到他俩开始跳舞
until he gets her to dance.
就让汤姆就把玛丽吓跑了
And after that, he can freak her out all he wants.
跳完舞以后他就爱咋咋地吧
I mean, like dirty.
随意展现他色魔的本质
Dirty dancing, sex dancing. You know what I'm saying?
什么艳舞啊裸舞啊通通可以有
Hi, guys. How's it going?
来啦
My name is Jules. It's nice to meet you.
我叫茱尔斯很高兴认识你
This is my husband, Grayson.
这位是我丈夫格雷森
What do you look for in a kisser?
你喜欢什么样的吻
Is it pressure or moisture or tongue dexterity?
压♥迫♥的湿润的舌技了得的
Oh, we're just diving right in, huh?
你这么自来熟啊
You know, kissing is done with more than the mouth.
亲吻可不止是嘴上功夫
No, yeah, it's done with the hands,
手也不能闲着
the hips, and most of all, the heart.
还有臀当然最重要的是心
Babe, why don't you put some music on?
宝贝你去给咱放首歌♥吧
Mm, I'd love to,
好这就去
Just as soon as I finish tying this triple knot into this cherry stem.
等我用舌头给樱桃梗打好三重结就去
Boom!
赞吧
This is fun.
有意思
Oh, uh, excuse me.
抱歉我去一下
Dude, you were supposed to play something romantic.
怎么不放情歌♥啊
I tried, but then I remembered that Bobby rigged my jukebox
我倒想呢鲍比改装了我的点唱机
to only play hard-metal power ballads
现在只能放重金属民谣了
as his going-away present to me.
这是他走前给我的惊喜
Damn it, bobby!
乱改个毛啊
This is not the right time for such an awesome gift.
时机很差惊喜很赞
Hey, Jules, if we're both here, who's keeping an eye on Tom?
茱尔斯你一来谁盯汤姆呢
Oh, Shawshank!
糟了
Tom... What happened?
汤姆... 怎么搞的
It -- it might have something to do with
可能是因为我提到
me listing important facts
用硅胶
about the silicon breast implants.
做丰胸手术什么的吧
But that's not important.
这都不重要了
What's important is remembering
重要的是要接受现实
that some people are meant to be alone.
有些人注定孤独终老
Dude, seriously?!
你有完没完啊
This did not go great,
这次行动是毁了
but I think we can get it back on track if we work together.
但只要我们团结起来一切还有救
In high school, they called me kiss Kristofferson.
在高中我可是接吻之王
Okay, if I let you kiss me right now
行了要是我让你亲我
and I tell you
然后告诉你
it was the greatest kiss I've ever had in my whole life,
这是我这辈子体验过的最好的吻
even if I don't mean it, will you shut up and help tom?
哪怕是敷衍你这样你能不能专心帮汤姆
Well, let's...just...find...out.
那我们就...走..着...瞧...吧
World's best kiss.
绝对是全球最棒
Yes! You heard it!
听见没都听见没
What a dipwad.
真二缺
Grayson, you and I have to find a band.
格雷森咱俩去找个乐队
You three...
你们仨
Finger!
指头断了
...Get Mary to the plaza.
带玛丽去广场
I don't care how. You can lie your asses off.
无论如何你们都得把她骗去
Tell her you have a gun.
拿枪威逼都行
Just get her there with the speed of the world's tiniest hero.
用全世界最迷你的超级英雄的速度把她接来
Stuart little!
一定是精灵鼠小弟
No! The hero that knows that the fastest way someplace
不是那个想要跑得快
is to use your hands to karate chop the hair.
就用手切空气的人
Tom Cruise run!
像汤姆·克鲁斯一样奔跑
Tom cruise -- oh, this hurts my finger so bad!
像汤姆·克鲁斯... 我的手好疼
Jellybean must be rushing to get the results of her latest STD test.
小软蛋一定是急着去取她的性病检测报告呢