熟女镇（2009）

Cougar Town S06E11

Part 2 Dec. 8, 2020, 11 p.m.

Oh! Get a baby chimp. No. Rip her face off.
养只小猩猩不撕掉她的脸皮
Uh, tongue piercing. Ooh. I wouldn't mind that.
在舌头上穿孔这个可以有
No. She'd have a lisp.
不行她会口齿不清的
Oh, I got it! I got it!
我想到了想到了
What? What? What? What?
什么什么什么
I can climb anything you got.
任何挑战我都能应付
You have to read a book.
你要读一本书
Son of a bitch.
妈的
All right, guys, I would love to climb this mountain,
好了各位我很想迎接这个挑战
but it's impossible.
但实在没办法
I can't read a book.
我不能读书
Why? I don't have any.
为什么我没有书
That's why we brought you some.
所以我们给你拿来了几本
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me,
这是我有生以来遇到的最糟的事
and I once had dinner with Guy Fieri.
比和盖伊·菲耶里共进晚餐那次还糟
Look, I've tried.
我尝试过
I just can't focus enough to read a book.
但我就是无法静下心来读书
They're so boring.
书本好无聊
I mean, 30 seconds after I crack it open, I'm sound asleep.
我翻开书30秒以后就会昏睡过去
You know exactly what I mean, right, laurie?
你能理解我的意思对吧
I don't. I'm a voracious reader.
我不理解我是个如饥似渴的读者
How do you even know what "Voracious" means?
你是怎么知道"如饥似渴"这个成语的
From reading. I love reading.
读书学到的我爱读书
I go through...what? Five, six books a month?
我一个月能读完五六本书
Mostly historical stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong.
大部分是历史类书籍别误会
I'm not one of those anti-fiction snobs.
我不是那种反小说的势利眼
I just find that the factual power struggles
我只是觉得实实在在的权力斗争
and political infighting
和政♥治♥内讧
of something like the French Revolution
比如法国大革命那样的事件
is just a little bit more riveting
要比强纳森·法兰森的
than anything in a Jonathan Franzen novel.
小说里的任何情节都更吸引人
I wanna slap you so hard right now.
我现在真想狠狠地抽你一巴掌
Okay. Mom, have you ever
好吧妈你有没有
read a novel cover to cover?
从头到尾读过一本小说
No. But I did read the Christmas issue of "InSytle."
没有但我读完了《造型》的圣诞特刊
It's like 12 pounds. I weighed it.
那期杂♥志♥有12磅重我称过了
Oh, you guys probably think I'm a voracious idiot.
你们大概觉得我是个"如饥似渴"的白♥痴♥
That's not really how Let's just let her have it.
这个成语不是这么... 就随她去吧
Hey, Jules, you made it through high school,
茱尔斯你念完了高中
some college, you got your real estate license,
也读过一点大学考下了地♥产♥经纪执照
you raised a super smart kid,
抚养了一个天才儿子
and you never read a book?
却从没读过一本书吗
I think that's kinda genius. Right?
我觉得这挺了不起的是吧
Out of all the people who have not read a book,
在所有没读过书的人当中
I'm probably the smartest.
我可能是最聪明的了
You are. Yeah.
是的是的
I can do this.
我能做到
I've got the book for you-- "To Kill a Mockingbird."
我给你挑好了一本书《杀死一只知更鸟》
It's a classic.
是本经典小说
It's a story about family, which you love,
是你喜欢的关于家庭的故事
and it takes place in your home state of Alabama.
而且故事发生在你的家乡阿♥拉♥巴马州
Sounds perfect.
太好了
Mark my words, Travis. She's gonna do this.
听我的吧崔维斯她能做到的
Jules!
茱尔斯
I loved it.
真好看
Jules is so pissed, but I can't help it.
茱尔斯很生气但我就是控制不了
The second people start talking about
每当人们开始说他们生活中
the minutiae of their lives -- where they were born,
杂七杂八的事情比如他们在哪出生
what their middle name is --
中间名是什么
I'm so bored, I black out.
我就会觉得好无聊然后走神
Where am I? Exactly.
我在哪里就是这种感觉
See? You find people as annoying as I do.
看到没你和我一样觉得别人很无聊
More so. And yet,
我比你更甚然而
you're able to listen to them.
你能够听进去他们说的话
How do you do it?
你怎么做到的
It's not easy. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.
这不容易我有几个窍门
Like if someone's droning on about their stupid life,
比如要是有人在唠叨他们的无聊生活
I just pretend something really horrible
我就假装如果我不听的话
will happen to my child if I don't listen.
我的孩子就会遭殃
That's not gonna work for you 'cause you don't have a child.
这招对你不管用因为你没孩子
Yes, I do. Okay, great.
我有孩子好吧很好
So there's one trick.
这是一个窍门
And then otherwise, it depends on who's talking.
其他的呢要看是谁在说
Like Laurie, for instance.
比如劳里
If she goes off on one of her ridiculous stories,
如果她开始讲她那些荒谬的故事
I just pretend that she's helping me compile a list
我就假装她是在帮我总结
of reasons why she's the world's biggest skank.
为什么她是这世上最令人讨厌的人
How do you handle Tom?
你是怎么应付汤姆的
I think of Tom
我把汤姆想象成
as someone who will one day murder us all.
有一天会杀掉我们所有人的凶手
Wouldn't surprise me. Right.
那倒也不意外是的
So you have to listen to him
所以一定要认真听他说什么
in case there might be a clue
没准能得到线索
as to what he's planning.
知道他在谋划什么
It's about survival.
这是生死攸关的大事
Please help me listen.
拜托你帮我学会如何聆听
Let me be your student.
收我做徒弟吧
Okay, I ll teach you,
好吧我可以教你
but I expect full obedience.
但你要完全服从我指挥
Understood.
明白
Turn around, walk 10 paces, then stop.
转过去走十步然后停下
Okay.
好的
Now what?
现在要怎样
Nothing. That's good.
不怎样做得不错
I still say I don't do it that often.
我还是要说我没有经常那样做
It's in there right now.
手现在就在里面呢
Okay, that one wasn't me!
好吧那不是我放进去的
I think it snuck in there on its own.
我觉得是它自己偷偷溜进去的
How am I gonna stop this?
我要怎么才能改掉
We could use negative reinforcement.
我们可以试试负面强化
They give animals electric shock
就像人们通过电击动物
to discourage certain behaviors.
来让它们改掉一些行为
Or I could follow you around all day,
或者我可以整天跟着你
and every time you reach in your picnic basket,
每次你要把手伸进去的时候
I could stab you with a fork.
我就拿叉子叉你
What else you got?
还有什么别的办法
Uh, they put giant cones on dogs' heads
兽医会给狗戴上巨大的圆锥形帽子
to stop 'em from biting their stitches.
以防它们咬身上刚缝合的伤口
Again, I am not an animal!
再说一次我不是动物
Ow! Why?!
干什么
Maybe a doggie cone isn't a bad idea.
也许圆锥狗帽这个主意不算太差
This is humiliating.
这太丢人了
Now you can't get it down there.
这下你没法把手伸进裤子里了
Do you need one for the other hand, too?
另一只手要不要也戴上一个
No, when I do it with this hand,
不用我用这只手的时候
it feels like some strange, burly guy is touching me.
感觉像在被一个陌生壮汉摸
So it's awesome? No, it's terrifying.
那感觉很爽是不是不很恶心
That's what I meant.
我就是那个意思
Jules! Tomato cage.
茱尔斯番茄笼
Why are you at your computer?
你为什么坐在电脑前
Because the book kept putting me to sleep,
因为我不停地在看书时睡着
so then I went on Wikipedia to see what it was about,
于是我就上维♥基♥百♥科♥查这本书的故事情节
and then that put me to sleep.
结果上网的时候又睡着了
Why does the internet have to look like a book?
怎么网站看起来像书一样
This is too hard!
这太难了
Why didn't you guys just challenge me
你们为什么不挑战我
to fighting a bear or something?
跟狗熊打架或是什么的
You would rather fight a bear than read a book?
你宁愿跟狗熊打架也不愿读书吗
Yeah. With a bear fight, at least I'd have a chance.
是啊和熊打架好歹还有赢的可能
This is ridiculous! Just read the book.
这太荒谬了乖乖把书读完