年年（2019）

还用了糖姜
And he's made that one with crystallised ginger
因为大家都爱吃
cos everyone liked that.
-小小家庭煮夫 -就是本人
- Ah, little Susie Homemaker. - That's me.
我带了无麸质面包卷 贝丝妮 专给你准备的
And I bought gluten free rolls, Bethany, just for you.
-好吧 但是 -她不是麸质过敏
- OK, but... - Uh, she's not gluten free any more.
那是个误诊
It's a misdiagnosis.
而且世界上大部分人都被误诊了
Turns out it's misdiagnosis for most of the world.
我们以为的麸质过敏
What we thought was gluten intolerance,
其实是果糖过敏
turns out to be fructose intolerance.
这与糖链分解有关
It's this, um, sugar chain thing.
反正他们是这么说的
Uh, that's what they're saying, anyway.
好吧 我在曼彻斯特的小厨房♥不会知道这些
Well, I wouldn't know in my little kitchen in Manchester.
如果你们能每年看望我不止一次
Perhaps if you visited me more than once a year,
我也许会知道
I would know better.
我两个月前才来过呢
I was here two months ago.
我说的是你妻子
I was talking to your wife.
你个小蠢货
You little idiot.
但这就是紧急状况
But it is an emergency.
突发新闻
联♥合♥国♥否认红沙岛紧急状况
这届总统还有四天任期
We've got four days left of this presidency,
在这四天里 他可以为所欲为
four days in which he can do anything he likes.
但美国不会妥协
But America won't back down,
中国方面也表示绝不妥协
and China's made it clear they won't back down.
那你觉得会发生什么
So what do you think is going to happen?
形势已经失控了
The situation is running out of control.
好了 稍微有点焦
Here we are. Bit burnt.
尚在学习 手艺没掌握好
That's all part of the experience.
这些是羊肉
Now, these ones over here are lamb.
他们吃好多肉
They eat so much meat.
-仿佛我们嫁给了亨利八世 -我冻死了
- It's like we married Henry the Eighth. - I am freezing.
但缪丽尔感觉不到 她的神经末梢1976年就死光了
It's all right for Muriel, her nerve endings died in 1976.
上齐了 生日晚宴
There you go! Birthday feast.
来吧 外婆 说几句
Come on then, Gran. Let's have the speech.
"我还记得当年这里是沃尔沃斯超♥市♥"
"I remember when all this was Woolworths."
是的 我很喜欢那个超♥市♥
Well, I do. I loved that shop.
我以前常去那买♥♥45转的黑胶碟呢
I used to buy 45 inch singles there.
那都是很久以前的事了 当年还有蝴蝶
That was back in the day, when we still had butterflies.
你们最后看见蝴蝶是什么时候
When did you last see one of those?
不过我要说一个以前没有的东西 海啸
Although, I'll tell you one thing we didn't have, tsunamis.
什么 别说傻话 什么意思
What? Don't be daft. What do you mean?
真的 确实没有 有地震 但仅此而已
No, we didn't. We had earthquakes, but that was it.
海啸完全是现代发明
The tsunami is an entirely modern invention.
我爱这话
I love it.
敬你 外婆 大伙举杯
Here's to you, Gran. Everyone.
-生日快乐 缪丽尔 -我告诉你了吗
- Happy birthday, Muriel. - Hey, did I tell you?
爸爸搬家了
Dad's moved house.
网上看起来不错 就在大路旁
It looks nice, online. It's off the main road.
挺好的
Well, good for him.
这事就点到为止吧 可以吗
And that's an end to it, don't you think?
但说实话
Oh, be fair, though.
他和杰奎琳在一起多久了 几十年了吧
He's been with Jacqueline for, what? Decades now.
她人挺不错 也许明年我们可以邀请他们
And she's quite nice. Maybe we should invite them next year.
我说了这个话题到此为止
I said that's an end to it,
如果有人不同意 大可离开
and anybody who disagrees is quite welcome to leave
回伦敦去
and go back to London.
你们听说了吗 露比老是在说她上的黄♥片♥课程
Did you hear? Ruby's been telling us about her porn class.
-什么 -不会吧 真的假的 不会真有黄♥片♥课程
- What? - No way. Seriously? You don't actually have a porn class.
没有 那叫性意识形象与控制课程
No, it's called Sexual Awareness Image And Control.
反正小孩从11岁起就得上黄♥片♥课
Well, they get taught pornography from the age of 11.
官方定的
It's official.
义务教育 非常有必要
It's compulsory, they need it!
义务黄♥片♥教育 真棒
Compulsory porn, woo! Love it.
你也在学生范围内 第15类
You're on the list. Category 15.
中年男同 爱嘲讽人与人之间的界线
Middle aged gay male, likely to mock boundaries
将性言论强加于我的轨道
and force sexual references into my orbit.
-丹尼 -正中靶心 对极了
- Aye, Danny! - Bang on I'd say.
恭喜你 丹 你上了教学大纲
Congratulations, Dan, you're on the syllabus.
真不好意思 我不知道你还有轨道
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise you had an "orbit".
丹尼
Danny!
紧急广播
-真不敢相信 是伊迪丝 -不会吧
- I don't believe it! It's Edith. - Oh, no way.
大家好呀 你们在哪呢
Hi, hiya. Where are you?
-我们都在花♥园♥里 -你好吗 外婆
- We're all here. We're in the garden. - Are you OK, Gran?
-你记得我的生日呢 -你们都听说了吗
- You remembered my birthday. - Have you heard the news?
我们给外婆买♥♥了吉普赛国王合唱团的票
We bought Gran Gypsy King tickets,
你可以出四分一的钱
so you can pay for a quarter.
是啊 你错过太多了
Yeah, you're missing out.
我们都被分类了
We're all being categorised.
-你还好吗 宝贝 -我没事 我没事
- Are you all right, darling? - I'm fine, I'm fine.
应该没事 我也不知道
I think. I don't know.
我不知道这还重不重要了
I don't... I don't know if it matters any more.
-你在哪里 -越南
- Where are you? - Uh, Vietnam.
在海岸 刚从胡志明市过来
On the coast, just down from Ho Chi Minh City.
那挺好啊
Oh, all right for some.
紧急广播
我们是来抗♥议♥的 但太迟了
We came here to protest, but too late.
就在那边 红沙岛
It's only just over there, Hong Sha Dao.
是因为岛上那事吗
Is that on the island thing?
老天 外婆 你不看新闻的吗
For God's sake, Gran, don't you watch the news?
我每天都发链接给你
I send you a link every day.
红沙岛是一座人工岛
Hong Sha Dao is an artificial island.
中国人建的 有2.6万人口
It's built by the Chinese, population 26,000,
但不止如此
but it's more than that.
那里还是军事基地 岛上有核武器
It's a military base with nuclear weapons.
美国是这么说的
That's what America says.
今早电台也在说这事 发生什么事了
It was on the radio this morning. Why? What's happened?
警报是你们那边还是我们这边的
Is that siren with you or us?
-是这里的 -因为这里也响警报了
- It's here. - Cos it's here as well.
什么意思
What does it mean?
他们...他们发射了导弹
They've... They've launched a missile.
-谁 中国吗 -是美国
- Who has? China? - Uh, America.
他们朝红沙发射了一枚核弹
They fired a nuclear missile at Hong Sha.
-你在开玩笑吧 -天呐
- You're kidding. - Oh, my God.
唐纳德·特朗普在他任期最后几天干了这件事
He did it, Donald Trump did it in his final days of office.
可是...我们没有警报吧
But...we haven't got sirens, have we?
那声音从哪儿传来的
Where is that coming from?
我们没有警报 就是没有
We don't have sirens, we just, we just don't.
-我们不是开战了吧 -他们朝我们开火了吗
- We're not at war, are we? - Are they firing at us?
当然没有
Of course they aren't.
但如果中美开战
But China and America, if they go to war,
我们就在这两国中间 不是吗
we're directly in the middle aren't we?
我们不在中间
We're not in the middle,
也不在边上
we're not even on the edge,
他们会朝太平洋上空发射 不是我们头上
they'd fire over the Pacific, not over us.
那是四分钟警告
That is a four-minute warning.
别告诉我什么都没发生
Don't tell me nothing's happening,
我能听见四分钟警告
I can hear a four-minute warning!
电视 电视在播
TV. There's a thing on TV!
此次广播代表英王陛下政♥府♥
This is a broadcast on behalf of His Majesty's Government.
首相已宣布
It has been announced by the Prime Minister
大英帝国
that the United Kingdom of Great Britain
和北爱尔兰
and Northern Ireland has been placed
正式准备开战
on an official war footing,
从今天的17点15分开始
as of 17.15 this afternoon.
让开
Excuse me.
走吧 外婆 走吧
Come on, Gran. Come on!
...距离中国大♥陆♥760英里
..miles from mainland China.
美♥利♥坚♥合众国朝位于中国南海的
The United States of America has launched a nuclear missile
代表英王陛下政♥府♥紧急广播
中国争议领土红沙岛
at the disputed Chinese territory of Hong Sha Dao
-他是谁 -每个台都一样
- Who is he? - All channels are the same.
发射了一枚核弹