辛普森一家
The Simpsons S29E16
Part 1
Feb. 2, 2020, 11:18 a.m.
《辛普森一家》
第二十九季 第十六集
学校乐团招新
"吹"拢慢捻♥抹复挑 欢迎报名
好了 孩子们 每人拿一件乐器
Okay, children, everyone pick an instrument.
拿哪件无所谓
Doesn't matter which one.
反正都会很难听
Everyone's gonna be bad.
无所谓 我是工会的
Eh, who cares? I'm union.
我说了 我不要学乐器
I told you, I am not playing an instrument.
你要学乐器
You're playing an instrument.
妈 音乐是电脑做出来的
Mom, music is made by computers,
而不是你放进嘴里的 呕 生锈金属
not rusty metal you put in your-- ugh-- mouth.
你妈妈认为逼着你在学校学音乐
Look, your mom thinks that forcing you to do music in school
能够让你成为和现在不一样的人
will somehow make you into a different person
虽然绝对不会成功 但你要照做
than we all know you are-- which it won't-- so just do it,
否则我就把你的短裤剪成短裙
or I'll cut all your shorts into skirts.
好吧
Fine.
不如选这个破玩意
What about this stupid thing?
不如你试试这个单簧管
Why don't you try this clarinet?
有点像竖笛 但是不太一样
It's like the recorder, but cooler.
这个残疾吉他怎么样
What about this hobo guitar?
至少他穿了燕尾服
At least he was wearing a tuxedo.
我们能不能离开这里
Now can we get out of here?
这里WiFi很差 我想点开这个幻灯片
The Wi-Fi sucks, and I'm trying to click through
看看放荡形骸的名人照片
this slideshow of celebrities who let themselves go.
听说第四张特别劲爆
Word is that number four is insane.
这张表格上写了
And here's the form which says
你们要对这个乐器负责
you're responsible for the instrument.
要是我把小提琴弄坏了 侯默就得掏钱吗
So, if I break the violin, Homer has to pay?
侯默得掏钱吗
Homer has to pay?
学校把一件价值430美金的乐器
The school is lending your son an instrument
借给了你儿子
that's worth $430.
小提琴 我们一起创造美妙的音乐吧
Violin, you and me are gonna make beautiful music together.
巴仔 巴仔
Bart? Bart?
430美金的小提琴
$430 violin?
如果啤酒装在磨砂杯里 你不是酒鬼
If the beer's in a frosted mug, you're not an alcoholic,
只是体育爱好者
you're an aficionado.
父亲 你好
Hello, Father.
谢谢你做出承诺
Thank you for taking responsibility
对这件可爱的乐器负责
for this lovely instrument.
相信你会觉得它的音乐
I trust you find its music...
令人放松
soothing.
求你了 放过我吧
Come on, dude, just leave me alone.
我是个好人 我还有孩子
I'm a good man. I've got kids!
你说得对 是我把你逼得太紧
You're right, I've been too hard on you.
给你了 接住
Here you go. Catch.
你 就是你 我让你住进我家
You. You. I took you into my home,
结果你却抢走了我的一切
and you've stolen everything from me.
你知道这是什么吗
You know what this is?
是我在弹世界上最小的小提琴
It's me playing the world's smallest violin.
自♥由♥了 我自♥由♥了
I'm free. I'm free.
我终于自♥由♥了
I'm finally free!
你要去哪里
Where are you going?
我毁了你望子成龙的梦 现在去毁我的脑子
To do to my brain what I just did to your dreams for our son.
老谋子酒吧
这个能让我大醉一场的 小机器
The little engine that could... get me wasted.
是啊 大家都喜欢"特醉列车"
Yeah, everyone loves the ol' Disorient Express.
老谋子酒吧 我是老谋子
Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
什么 你居然有胆量打给我
What? You have the nerve to call me?
你怎么不把我的号♥码从手♥机♥里删掉
Why don't you delete my number from your phone,
然后把手♥机♥放进石头里
then put the phone in a sock,
再用石头打你的头
and then beat yourself in the head
直到把脸打得跟汽车旅馆的自助煮蛋一样烂
till your face looks like motor lodge buffet eggs!
又是骚扰电♥话♥吗
Yeah, another prank call, huh?
这次是谁 "沃·项达炮"[我想打炮]Who was it this time, uh, "Anita Manbone"?
"沃向·天逆"[我想舔你]"Ivan Talickya"?
我想到一个
Ooh, ooh, I got one.
"约翰·根啤"
"John Rootbeer."
不是骚扰电♥话♥
Eh, it wasn't no prankster.
是一个我太过了解的人
It was someone I know all too well.
-谁 -把你臭脸上的洞给我闭上
- Oh, who? - Shut your stinkin' face-hole!
就是他 好吗 打烊了
That's who it was, okay?! Bar's closed!
所有人滚出去 滚
Everybody get out! Get out!
白♥痴♥一嘴酒气
Oh, stupid drunk breath.
白♥痴♥醉狗
Oh, stupid drunk dog!
看来我只能用手♥机♥叫个车了
Guess I'll have to order a ride on my smartphone.
上车
Get in.
没薄荷糖了吗 我应该叫优步的
No mints? I should've just called Uber.
老谋子怎么了
Hey. What's with Moe?
现在斗鸡早就开始了
It's too late for the cockfights
但斗鼠还够没开场
and too early for the rat fights.
他接到那个电♥话♥后就变得格外神经
He's been extra psycho since he got that phone call.
我只想...
I just want to...
听起来很像那次你用里面的一只负鼠
Oh, it sounds like that time you lit the barbecue
点让人烧烤会之火
with a possum inside.
或许我们该跟踪他
Hmm, maybe we should follow him.
听你的 你没喝醉
Mm, you're the sober one.
给我打电♥话♥吗 我去会会你 好吧
Call me, will you? Oh, I'll meet you, all right.
我要好好会会你
I'll meet you good.
我要杀了你
I'll kill you.
我要杀了你 你这只臭虫
I'll kill you, you dirty mug!
你得阻止他们
You've got to stop them.
放开我
Let me go, huh?
我用一支鞋就能把他全部头发打下来
I'm one loafer smack away from tearing off his whole hair system!
你为什么要跟一个老头打架
Why are you fighting with an old man?
因为这个老头
Because this old man...
是我老爸
is my old man.
谋蒂·锡丝拉克 很高兴认识你
Morty Szyslak. Nice to meet you.
我瞧不起你
You mean nothing to me. Huh?
你只是一根洒了古龙水的烂排骨
All you are is a rotten old rib roast covered in cologne.
你这个忘恩负义的混♥蛋♥
You ungrateful punk.
你没资格嗅到我身上一毛钱的香味
You're not worthy to walk through a cloud of my scent.
我就不该打给你
I never should've called you.
这个我同意
On that we agree.
这世上最哀伤的事就是看着一个家庭支离破碎
The saddest thing in the world is seeing a family broken apart.
醉狗
Drunk dog.
因为家事不营业
我有好几年都没见过我爸了
Oh, I ain't seen my pops for years.
他打来后 我动摇了去见了他
After he called, I weakened and went to meet him.
但是一闻到"运动外套古龙水"
But one sniff of "Eau de Sportcoat,"
我就上了头抡起了我的鞋
and my shoe was in my hand.
你这么久没见过自己的父亲是怎么撑过来的
How could you go so long without seeing your own father?
说真的 你是怎么办到的 很惊人
Seriously, how'd you do it? It sounds amazing.
听我从头道来
Yeah, well, let me explain.
你也知道大家都觉得我是个
You know how the world sees me as a... a...
人形马桶刷 -答对
- Human toilet brush? - Bingo.
我家中只有我有良心
Well, I'm the white sheep of my family.
他们都在经营一个非常邪恶的生意
They're involved in a very evil business.
-违禁药 -不 更糟
- Illegal drugs? - No, worse.
-处方药 -也没那么坏
- Prescription drugs? - Oh, well, not that bad.
锡丝拉克家族都是... 床垫推销员
The Szyslaks are... mattress salesmen.
我知道 我知道
Eh, I know, I know.
这些人就像没有道德准则的抵押贷款经纪人
They're like mortgage brokers without the moral code.
一个实质上就是一大袋干草的东西
Charging people 1,200 bucks
收别人一千二百块
for what's essentially a big bag of hay.
感恩节惊爆价
我家有我 我爸妈 还有我的哥哥姐姐
Growing up, it was me, my dad and my brother and sister.
我们是镇上最大的床垫连锁店
We were the biggest mattress chain in town,
主要靠本地电视广♥告♥扩大名声
mainly thanks to our local TV ads.
怎么回事...
How does it...?
好了
There it is.
床垫王
号♥外 号♥外
Here ye, hear ye!
我宣布世界上最优♥惠♥的价格
I declare the best deals in all the land!
别忘了 不赊账就没麻烦
And don't ye forget: no credit... No problem!
辛普森一家
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