辛普森一家

The Simpsons S29E13

Part 3 Feb. 2, 2020, 11:17 a.m.

没错
Yeah!
侯默·辛普森
Homer Simpson?
伙计是你吗
Buddy, is that you?
我等这个电♥话♥很多年了
I've been expecting this call for years.
你还记得我吗
You remember me?
当然我有句话一直想对你说呢
Of course. I've been waiting to say something to you.
准备好了吗
Are you ready?
当然
I sure am.
永远
Good-bye
别再见了
forever.
再给我打电♥话♥你就死定了
结束本该是件好事的
Closure is supposed to be a good thing.
而且照顾孩子和做八卦记者也不搭
Also, I'm afraid, a newborn and a journalism career did not mix.
春田镇报社
什么鬼我要的是"秋千"说的内容
This is terrible! I wanted quotes from the swing set,
不是秋千的报价
not price quotes on swing sets.
派对照片不是儿童厕所
Party pics, not potty tips.
上层人士不是儿童保姆
Glitterati, not babysitterati.
你到底要跟上节奏还是我送你一程
Are you getting my drift or should I throw you an oar?
这些信息对新手父母很重要
It's important for new parents to know this stuff.
新手父母行了
New parents? Eh.
他们不属于休闲版的读者群
They're not the audience for the Leisure Section.
他们只在乎孩子
All they care about are babies.
孩子没意思我宁愿谈论足球
Babies are boring. I'd rather talk about soccer.
而我很讨厌足球的
And I hate soccer!
马姬你喜欢培根吗
Marge, do you like bacon?
喜欢...
Yes, ac...
这是还能挣到培根钱的最后机会
Well, you got one last chance to save yours.
给我找个很好的夜生活故事
Get me a good nightlife story,
否则我就找个有夜生活的人代替你
or I'm replacing you with someone with a nightlife,
芭芭拉·莱尔林斯基
Barbara Rellalinsky!
我有猛料
I will get the scoop.
画廊
所以
So,
你转向画巨大的鼻子了
you've moved into painting giant schnozzes.
约翰·巴尔代萨里
懂了就得买♥♥
马姬嘴已经过时了
Marge, the mouth has had its say.
该看看鼻子的厉害了
Now it's time to find out what the nose knows.
这是我听过的最好的亮点句
That's a pull-quote, if ever I heard one.
我的话都是亮点句
Pretty much everything I say is quotable.
这句不是
Well, not that.
你来干什么
What are you doing here?
抱歉亲爱的
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
我知道今天轮到我照顾巴仔了
I know it's my night to watch Bart,
但他一直闹
but he just won't stop fussing.
有没有试着开车带他转转来哄他睡觉
Did you try driving around to make him fall asleep?
只对我有用
It only worked on me.
下一站
Next stop,
索马里海盗岛
Somali Pirate Island.
兔兔
Bunny!
它不再是艺术了
It's not art anymore!
只是地毯上一滩丑恶的垃圾
It's a misshapen lump on the floor!
不像这边的大作
Not like this masterpiece!
可怕的孩子震撼艺界
马姬这张照片就是地雷
Marge, this photo is dynamite!
谢谢
Thank you!
地雷害死人的
Dynamite kills people!
托你孩子的福我们失去了所有艺术广♥告♥
Thanks to your kid, we just lost all our art advertising,
画廊和艺术展他们举办了这次活动
the art gallery and Art's Deli, which catered the event.
你被炒了交出你的记者证和男式软呢帽
You're fired! Turn in your press card and your fedora!
我要把你的名字从为桃瑞丝准备的
And I'm gonna erase your name from this birthday card
生日卡上擦掉
we got for Doris.
看没了她不会在意她一直讨厌你
See? It's gone! She won't miss it. She never liked you.
但我以为我还有世界上最棒的事业
But I still had the greatest job in the world, I thought,
春田镇育婴馆
做一个妈妈
being a mom.
天哪如果不是有午休
Boy, if it wasn't for naptime,
我们早就因为压力而死了
we'd have all been dead from the stress years ago.
不是我♥干♥的
I didn't do it.
你被永久禁止进入育婴馆
You are banned forever from Gymdandee;
姐妹商店游泳馆和提琴馆
our sister shops, Swimdandee and Violindandee;
还有其他所有育婴中心
and all other Kid Kennel enrichment centers
和儿童监狱
and baby prisons.
软软百吉饼
侯默
Hey, Homer.
好久不见了
Haven't seen you in a while.
我改吃甜甜圈了
I switched to donuts.
我们梦想的生活破碎了
Our dream life crumbling,
我和老侯去教堂寻求帮助
Homie and I sought counseling at the church.
春田镇教堂
上帝箴言自1908年始
你们的问题来这里询问太明智了
You were so very wise to bring your problems here.
现在请低下头
Now, won't you bow your heads
看看这个视频
and watch this video.
老花眼路德教内阁出品
问题儿童
大家好我是瑟斯特隆教授
Hello. I'm Professor Thernstrom,
《破碎家庭》《如何修复》两本书的作者
author of Fractured Families and How to Heal Them.
我想大家都知道瑟斯特隆教授的大名
I think we all know who Professor Thernstrom is.
播放视频
Play the video.
简是独生子女
Jane was an only child.
科学证明独生子女
And science has proven that only children
是很孤单的
are lonely children
而孤单的孩子就是坏孩子
and lonely children are evil children.
简的问题就变成了家庭问题
Jane's problems became the family's problems.
祝简生日快乐
他们来找我九个月后
They came to see me, and, nine months later,
乔出生了一切都好了
Joe was born, and all was well.
不要只生一个孩子
Do not undertake procreation alone.
二孩或许会导致钱财损失
second child may cause loss of money,
假期有限睡眠减少
limited vacations, and reduced sleep.
如果有心脏问题别生二孩
Do not have a second child if you have heart problems,
或正在怀孕或想保留备用卧室
are pregnant, or want to keep your spare bedroom.
孩子们争宠的事情极少发生
In rare cases, sibling rivalry may occur.
就是这个老侯
That's it, Homie!
这就是答案
That's the answer!
我们应该再生个孩子
We're having another child.
但只能再生一个
But just the one.
我们不是天主教♥徒♥
We're not Catholics.
所以我们决定生了丽莎
And so we decided to have Lisa.
所以这个故事就这样吗
That's what this was building to?
我还以为要讲我们弄到炉子的由来
I thought this was the story of how we got our furnace.
谁会管我们怎么弄到炉子的呢
Who would care how we got the furnace?
我会
I would care.
买♥♥♥房♥♥子带的
It came with the house.
谜题解决了
Mystery solved!
《温柔的女孩名字》
造爱机器
他终于睡着了再造一个人吧
Finally, he's asleep. Let's make another.
不行这不行他可能会醒的
No. Oh, not here. He might wake up.
唯一安全的地方是防火逃生梯
The only safe place is out on the fire escape.
要是消防员需要呢
What if firemen need it?
我很快的
I'll be quick.
然后让自然母亲搞定剩下的
Now Mother Nature does the rest.
女孩子们不能像我
Duh, girls don't like me.
喂这不公平
Hey! No fair!
他的眼镜哪来的
Hey, where did he get those glasses?
萨克斯就行眼镜就不行吗
The saxophone makes sense, but the glasses don't?
你闭嘴
Shut up, you!
闭不闭嘴
Shut up!
在很多个吃冰淇淋咸菜熬夜的夜晚后
And so after a lot of late-night ice cream and pickles,
丽莎出生了
Lisa was born.
最棒的是
And the best part was
巴仔成了全世界最安静的男孩
Bart became the calmest boy in the whole world.
差不多吧
More or less.
你这个
Why, you...
可爱的小天使