辛普森一家
The Simpsons S29E08
Part 1
Feb. 2, 2020, 11:17 a.m.
辛普森一家
第二十九季 第八集
我们信仰沙发笑话[改编美国国训]
一美分
[拉丁]吃我裤子
这是你的加薪
Here's your raise.
七年前
有光 有光 有光
Light! Light! Light...!
光啊
Light!
-该你起来了 -有光
- It's your turn to get up. - Light.
我搞不懂明明是你生出来
I'll never understand how something that came from inside of you
却要我承担责任
became my responsibility.
快去
Out!
有光
Light!
爸爸 该早餐了
Daddy. Breakfast.
天啊 这孩子有点聪明
Geez, this kid's kind of smart.
星期二
Tuesday.
秋 秋天
Au-Autumn.
-她是个天才 -树叶
- She's a genius. - Foliage.
就像那个发明了闪光鞋的人一样
Like the guy who invented shoes with lights in them.
富饶之角
Cornucopia?
甜心 你这么优秀爸爸一点儿不意外
Aw, sweetie, it's no surprise you're awesome.
你不像你哥 非得拉着手肘才生出来
We didn't have to pull you out by the elbow, like the boy.
17年以后
哈佛大学本科院 申请文书
Harvard College, admissions essay.
丽莎·M·辛普森
Lisa M. Simpson.
我与生俱来极大的优势
I was born with one great advantage in life...
拥有能让犀牛性奋的嗓音
A voice that would make a rhino stick its horn up its butt?
犀牛灭绝了 打猎迷
Rhinos are extinct, nimrod.
河马没有 我刚看见一只蓝色臭河马
Not hippos. I just saw one in smelly, blue pants.
你这小
Why you little...
我不小了 我20了并且还住家里
I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home.
-天啊 -为什么你这么让人失望
- Oh, man. - Why you disappointing...
你可知道你在掐一个有投票权的公民
You know you're choking someone who can vote.
-那你投过票吗 -没有
- But did you vote? - No.
-你这小 -别这样
- Why you little... - Oh, come on, man.
怎么不投必须停止法♥西♥斯♥主义复辟的
...not voting fascist-enabling...
基德·洛克总统呢
must stop President Kid Rock.
我与生俱来极大的优势
I was born with one great advantage,
是生于一个让所有事变得困难的家庭
a family that never made anything easy.
这能力在我七岁生日时达到巅峰
Never more than on my seventh birthday.
今天是我的生日
It's my birthday!
我七岁啦
Seven years old!
我要穿我最喜欢的小蓝裙子
I'll wear my favorite blue dress.
那我穿红的好了 只是为了今天
I'll wear red, just for today.
毕竟今天是我生日
It's my birthday.
我要吃培根
I want bacon!
我没法哄阿麦睡着
I can't get Maggie to sleep.
我想我要开始用这些东西了
I guess I'll just have to start using these.
丧生活牌安抚奶嘴
好了好了 已经够了
okay, okay. That's enough for now.
天啊 松嘴
Geez, come on.
别让我把你放进温水里
Don't make me put you under warm water.
我放弃了
I give up.
宝宝的第一次上瘾
大家有什么话想对我说吗
Anyone have anything to say to me?
当然了 宝贝
Well, of course, honey.
准备好上学不然你就迟到了
Get ready for school or you'll be late.
看看这小孩儿
Oy, this baby.
丽莎 甜心 我知道你在激动什么
Lisa, sweetie, I know why you're excited.
今天可是个大日子
This is a very big day.
今天是
Happy...
老谋子酒吧打折时段延长了一小时
...hour at Moe's was extended by an hour.
什么
Wh-What?
*老谋子酒吧的打折时光*
*Happy hour at Moe's*
*现在他永远别想关门*
*Now he'll never close*
迈尔斯女士 一年级
同学们 今天可是非常特殊的一天
Class, today is a very special day.
今天是某人的生日
It's someone's birthday.
而且某人的父母假装忘记了这事
Someone whose parents pretended to forget.
太好了
Yes.
这个人就是 休伯特·王
And that someone is... Hubert Wong.
生日快乐 超级巨星
Happy birthday, superstar.
丽莎 请不要毁掉休伯特的生日
Lisa, please don't ruin Hubert's birthday.
如果别人毁了你的生日你不会高兴的
You wouldn't like it if someone ruined yours.
我很抱歉 但如果你控制不了自己
I am sorry, but if you can't control yourself,
那我不得不请你去办公室了
I'll have to send you to the office.
但你这么说让我更想哭了
But you saying that makes me wants to cry more.
别 休伯特 别给她茶杯蛋糕
No, Hubert. No cupcake for her.
在课堂上情绪激动 教育下
迈尔斯女士
丽莎 学校是用来安静地坐着的地方
Lisa, school is a place for sitting quietly.
那学习呢
What about learning?
不再是必须的了
No longer part of our mandate.
你妈妈让你失望过吗
Did your mom ever disappoint you?
我这样跟我妈没关系
This isn't about mother,
别再提她是我妈了
so don't say a mother word about her.
你敢吗 妈妈 你敢不敢
Don't you dare, Mother, don't you dare.
是我呀 你的一个学生
Ah. It's just me, a student.
我听不见你说什么 妈妈
I can't hear you, Mother.
她无处不在 她可以是任何人
She's everywhere and everyone.
我无处不在因为你什么也不是
I'm everywhere because you're nothing.
谢谢你让我放会儿假 甜心
Thanks for getting me out of work, sweetie.
-想吃我剩的甜甜圈吗 -不了先生
- Want the rest of my donut? - No, sir.
什么
What?
请告诉我发生什么了
Aw, please tell me what's wrong.
我不能告诉你 你本该知道的
I can't tell you. You just have to know.
-挠痒痒能解决问题吗 -不能
- Would tickling help matters? - No.
这就是我所有的套路了
Well, that's really all I have in my toolbox.
让我想想 今天是什么日子 星期二
Okay, let me think. What's today? Tuesday?
是的
Yes.
那么你就六岁零365天了
That would make you six years and 365 days old.
是的
Yes.
今天是你的生日
It's your birthday!
你却忘了 丽莎
And you forgot it, Lisa.
但因为是你生日 我就原谅你了
But because it's your birthday, I forgive you.
你将拥有出生以来最棒的一天
And you're gonna have the best day ever.
乐观 你还是我的好老爸
Optimism, you're back.
注意了 所有人
Attention, world.
今天是小丽莎的生日 而你们都忘记了
It's little Lisa's birthday, and you all forgot.
我可没有
Not me.
我想我可能需要给你孩子送点东西
Now I suppose I got to get your kid something.
记得在你的祷词中念及他们就好
Just remember them in your prayers.
他们两个都要吗 好吧
Both of them? Fine.
*生日快乐 亲爱的丽莎*
*Happy birthday, dear Lisa*
*祝你生日快乐*
*Happy birthday to you*
*我们都忘记了*
*We all forgot*
一切都很好啦 直到第二年
And all was well, until the next year,
他们又会忘记
when they forgot again.
真的吗 连续两次
I mean, really, two in a row?
甚至路易吉都记得住
Even Luigi remembers it.
我们生日是同一天嘛
Well, we have-a the same-a birthday.
放松点 你 我和休伯特·王
Makes it easy. You, me, and Hubert Wong.
没错 休伯特 给她茶杯蛋糕
That's a-right, Hubert. Cupcake for her.
当我渐渐长大
As I get older,
我 认命地意识到
I realized, as all must,
我父母不是半神
that my parents were not demigods.
你就快死了
You are going to die soon.
闭嘴
Shut up.
你就快死了
You are going to die soon.
闭嘴
Shut up.
血压突升
Blood pressure spiking.
闭嘴
Shut up!
为您拨通医生电♥话♥
Calling your doctor.
喂
Hello?
闭嘴
Shut up!
辛普森一家
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