辛普森一家
The Simpsons S29E15
Part 2
Feb. 2, 2020, 11:18 a.m.
漫展不行 这差不多是最后通牒了
No convention. And that's almost final.
可我真的很想去 老兄
But I'm dying to go, fatso.
现在是最后通牒了
Now it is final!
对于一个希望他老爸死掉的小孩
What do you have for a kid
你有什么推荐
who wishes his father was dead?
试试这个 孙子兵法
Try this. The Art of War,
三千年前由孙子著作
written 3,000 years ago by General Sun Tzu.
标题里有"兵法" 页数还不多
Well, there's "War" In the title and very few pages.
唯一的缺陷就是这是本书
The only flaw is it's a book.
年轻人 你真的想跟你老爸开战吗
Young man, are you sure you want war with your father?
我不想挑起战争
I do not seek war,
但我也不能无所作为
but neither do I turn away.
《孙子兵法》
孙子 著
如果你使用了这本书
If you use this book,
你父亲将会倒在你的宫殿门口
your father will lie shattered before the gates of your palace.
哦神圣的大将军
Oh, mighty general!
我祈求成为你不值一提的脚凳
I beg to be your unworthy footstool.
等他睡着 我就把他顶冠上的珠宝偷走
When he sleeps, I will steal the jewels from his topknot.
嘿妈妈 我找到东西读了
Hey, Mom, I found something to read!
真好
Wonderful!
多好的家庭日啊
What a great family day.
现在只能用一个完美的方式
And there is only one perfect way
结束这美好的家庭日
to complete a great family day.
那么 家庭怎么样
So, how's the family?
我想他们是去吃晚饭了 吃好吃的
I think they went to dinner. Something nice.
内尔森朝我们这里过来了
Nelson's coming our way.
我的鼻子提前流血了
My nose is pre-bleeding.
我来找巴仔麻烦
I'm picking on Bart.
你喜欢书 对吧
You like books, huh?
好 给你一个书签
Well, here's a bookmark.
如果你的敌人很容易被激怒 那就激怒他
If your enemy is easily enraged, irritate him.
我听说你根本不强壮 你就是胖
I heard you're not strong, you're just fat.
胖 你说我
Fat? Me?
你试试坐在脱衣舞吧自助餐饮台健康饮食
You try eating healthy at a strip club buffet!
威利
Willy!
让我出去
Get me out of here!
着火了 威利
It's on fire! Willy!
也许智慧一点也不傻♥比♥
Maybe wisdom isn't so stupid after all.
苗浩斯 我要用这本书参加管道世界漫展
Milhouse, I'm gonna use this book to go to TunnelCraft-Con.
我在读这本书
Here's the book I'm reading.
再见了 男朋友
等我读完了
When I finish this,
我就读遍了玛丽·凯特和阿什利的所有书
I'll have read every Mary Kate and Ashley book.
有时候我感觉像她们的小妹妹
Sometimes I feel like the third sister.
绝不道歉
巴里·戈德华特回忆录
他反抗了宗教权利
He opposed the religious right.
好了 这是我目前最爱的书 别有压力
Okay, this is my favorite book ever, but no pressure.
你说了"别有压力"
You realize saying "No pressure"
却让我感觉鸭梨山大
puts me under tremendous pressure.
让我们开始吧
Then let's get started.
"不是所有英格兰女孩
"Not all English girls
"都在英格兰长大
"Grow up in England.
"克拉拉在南美长大
"Clara grew up in South America
“她有很多土著民奴隶服侍
"Where she was raised by many native servants.
但他们天生奴性 无法反抗她的意志"
But they were too naturally servile to oppose her will."
"天生"什么
"Naturally" What?
胡安叔叔
Uncle Juan?
我跳舞的时候你能给我鼓掌吗
Would you clap as I dance?
节奏 节奏
Rhythm... rhythm...
给我注意点节奏不然我就用鞭子打你
Mind the rhythm or you'll feel the lash!
妈妈 你怎么不读了
Mom, why'd you stop reading?
这和我记忆中的不太一样
It's just a little different than I remembered.
我们往前跳吧
Let's skip ahead.
一个被发了疯的采香蕉人杀害的父亲
A father murdered by loco banana picker,
克拉拉未经允许就给奴隶洗礼
Clara baptizing savages without their permission...
好了好了 在这儿呢
Oh, okay, okay, here we go.
克拉拉现在成了一个孤儿
Clara is now an orphan
她被送去和山里的叔叔生活在一起
and was sent to live with her lonely uncle in the hills.
她遇到了一个名叫康纳的男孩
She meets a boy named Conor.
跟所有爱尔兰人一样 他虚弱还醉酒
Like all Irish, he was feeble-witted and drunk.
你觉得这一部分是可以接受的吗
This is the part you deem acceptable?
爱尔兰人不再是任何人的笑话了
The Irish are nobody's joke anymore.
我要绝食以示抗♥议♥
I'm goin' on a hunger strike in here!
好虚弱 好虚弱
So weak. So weak...
吓到你了吧
Yah-hah!
又一个经典儿童读物的陨落
Another childhood classic bites the dust.
那是个苦力帽吗
Is that a coolie hat?
睡吧睡吧
Nighty-night!
被我小书灯照着的东西闪耀着冒犯的光芒
I bet my booklight is shining on something offensive.
匈牙利人的胡子上冒着大蒜的臭味
该死
Darn it.
海洛薇兹·霍奇森·伯韦尔
Heloise Hodgeson Burwell?
你怎么不读我的书了
Why did you stop reading my book?
我就是给你闺女这种孩子写的
Your daughter is just the kind of girl I wrote it for
孝顺 养的好 还是个白人
obedient, well-fed and white.
冷静点马姬
Oh, calm yourself, Marge.
在梦里有点种族歧视还是可以的
Dreams are where it's okay to be racist.
拉迪亚德·吉卜林
Rudyard Kipling!
对 你应该读一读《奇幻森林》第一稿
Yes. You should read my first draft of The Jungle Book.
结尾的时候 毛克利用他的大象
At the end, Mowgli uses his elephants
践踏那些想要有限选举权的印度教♥徒♥
to stomp out some Hindus seeking limited voting rights.
都很有趣
All in good fun.
马姬 你可以按照你闺女的情况
Marge, I suppose you could edit my book
改写一下这本书
to your daughter's sensibilities.
哇 这个作家想让我改写
Wow. An author that wants rewrites.
所以你才是在做梦啊
Well, that's what makes this a dream.
现在战争打响了
Now the war begins.
还没呢
Not yet!
我还没做完我的戏服呢
I haven't finished my costume.
我正拿鱼骨头当针缝戏服呢
I'm doing period sewing with bird bones as needles.
阿壳汉堡店
等一下 为什么你想让我
Wait. Why do you want me to text you
在你♥爸♥上车之后给你发短♥信♥
when your father's getting in the car?
用丰厚的诱饵征服敌方首领
这不关你事 你只需要知道
That's none of your business-- but let's just say
这对咱俩都有好处
both of us will benefit.
长号♥弱音器
A trombone mute?
但是我没有长号♥啊
But I don't have a trombone.
打开另一个盒子
Open the other box.
哦我的天呐
Oh, my God!
锣和横幅能够分散敌人的注意力
好吧 辛普森 对着这个吹气
All right, Simpson, blow into this.
然后把它做成小兔子
Now make it into a rabbit.
好吧 今天是拉尔菲的生日
All right. Ralphie's birthday is today,
你负责娱乐
and you're the entertainment.
怎么回事 好像有人要出来整我
What's going on? It's like someone's out to get me.
用诱饵给你的敌人带路
我得打起十二分的精神
I have to be focused and careful.
没有东西能分散我的注... 没人要的奶球
Nothing will break my concen... Ooh! Wild milk ball.
巴仔 是你谋划的这件事
Bart! You're behind this?
对啦 某人好像陷进泥里了
That's right. And it looks like someone is stuck in the mud.
救救我 儿子
Help me, boy!
从现在起你对我言听计从我就救你
I will save you if you do what I say from now on...
先同意去管道世界漫展
starting with going to TunnelCraft-Con.
可以 赶紧用你卑鄙的小棍子
Sure. Just pull me out
把我拉出去吧
by your sneaky little neck!
先谨慎地警告你的敌人
先警告你 我要是出了什么事
Just be aware that if something happens to me,
妈妈就会发现你偷偷藏起来的德克雷蛋糕
Mom finds out about your secret stash of Drake's Cakes.
偷偷藏起来的什么
What secret stash?
18号♥码头 船运集装箱号♥码47952
Pier 18, shipping container number 4-7-9-5-2.
你要跟我谈条件我也接受了 我投降
I was offered a deal and I took it. Okay, I give.
大点声 狗东西
Louder, dog!
好吧
辛普森一家
The Simpsons
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