辛普森一家

The Simpsons S29E11

Part 1 Feb. 2, 2020, 11:17 a.m.

辛普森一家
第二十九季第十一集
高贵的心灵使矮小的人变得伟大
老谋子酒馆
有女厕了
勒脖子不是一种有效的教育方式
她会没事的吧大夫
Is she gonna be okay, Doc?
她没事
She's just fine.
孩子出来了
And here's the baby.
我知道怎么抱孩子
I know how to hold one of these.
您正在收看教育网络电视
You're watching The Learning Network,
发散思维
where minds grow.
欢迎继续收看
Stay tuned for...
末日周
埃博拉流星
核武器的危害
耶稣超级风暴
但首先
But first...
占星者
看穿未来的男人
The man who saw the future.
接下来的影片拍摄于1982年
The following film, made in 1982,
人们曾以为它不复存在了
was thought to be lost forever.
实际上它被错放在了一个
Actually, it was misplaced in a box
喜剧《双面博士》的盒子里
for the comedy Doctor Detroit.
但其中的预言空前的令人恐惧
But its predictions are more terrifying than ever.
各位好我是奥森·威尔斯
Hello, I'm Orson... Welles,
《公民凯恩》的导演
director of Citizen Kane...
无聊
Boring.
我在《好莱坞广场》节目中
...as well as the lower left-hand square
站在左下那一格中
on Hollywood Squares.
挨着鲁丝·芭吉
Ooh, right next to Ruth Buzzi.
早在在1555年占星者诺斯特拉德马斯
In 1555, the prophet Nostradamus
预言了一系列令人恐惧的预测
foretold a terrifying series of predictions,
并且它们都实现了
all of which came to pass.
首先他的死亡
First, his own death.
其次欧洲的大型战争
Second, large wars in Europe,
和他在欧洲观察到的大型战争相似
similar to the large wars he observed in Europe.
以及弗利特伍德麦克乐队的解散
And the breakup of Fleetwood Mac.
但诺斯特拉德马斯最后的四行诗包含着
But Nostradamus's final quatrain contained
一个将要实现的预言
one more prediction yet to come:
就在反基♥督♥教者成为总统不久之后
that shortly after the Antichrist becomes president...
燃烧着的蘑菇云将飘荡在空中
这香槟真难喝
This champagne is terrible.
味道像烘干的床单
It tastes like dryer sheets.
但是上述的大蘑菇云预示着什么
But what does said mushroom signify?
至少是第三次世界大战
Nothing less than World War III.
谁会信这种鬼话
Ugh, who'd fall for this malarkey?
史密瑟斯我怕怕
Smithers, I'm scared.
放抚慰狗狗
Release the comforting hounds.
棒极了让他们回地毯上吧
Oh, excellent. Now, make them into rugs.
任何在世的人一定会发现他们自己嫉妒着
Anyone left alive will surely find themselves envying...
谁我们能嫉妒谁
Who? Who could we possibly envy?
已逝的人
...the dead.
史密瑟斯尽头就在眼前必须做好准备
Smithers, the end is nigh, and we must prepare.
聚集本镇最有头脑的人们
Round up this town's greatest minds.
需要订披萨吗
Should I order pizza?
多加芝士多切几刀
One large cheese, double-cut.
注意诸位
Attention, fellow members
门萨:如果你以为门萨是缩略语
你就不是门萨人
春田镇分会的门萨成员
of the Springfield chapter of Mensa.
伯恩斯先生叫我们来
Mr. Burns has called us here
解决一个关乎全球利益的未知问题
to solve an unknown problem of global importance.
但首先玩三角多米诺
But first, Tri-Ominoes!
我建议先写出属于我们自己的藏头诗
I say we write and solve our own acrostics.
对在我们把独♥立♥宣言
Yes, after we recite all the words
按照字母顺序
in the Declaration of Independence
背诵全文之后
in alphabetical order.
A A A A A A
A, a, a, a, a, a.
退位废除废止
Abdicated. Abolish. Abolishing.
专♥制♥的赦免
Absolute. Absolved.
安静思想家们
Silence, you thinkertons.
我召集你们到此是因为世界就要完蛋了
I summoned you here because the world is about to end.
不会的你在害怕什么
No, it isn't. What are you afraid of?
全球变暖吗
Global warming?
人工智能还是某种瘟疫
A.I.? Some sort of plague?
作为一帮机灵鬼我要你们帮我
As smarty-pantalones, I am asking you to help with
建成蒙哥马利·伯恩斯末日方舟
the Montgomery Burns Doomsday Ark.
这艘宇宙飞船将会在我严格的制度下
This space vehicle will lead humanity's best and brightest
引领人性光辉更上一层楼
to a better life under my stern rule.
老天爷
Oh, gee heavens.
届时是否需要有人为您提供私人服务
Will there be someone for your more personal needs?
嫔妃们我要后宫佳丽三千
Concubines. Many concubines.
我会着手处理的
I'll work my way in.
我需要你们告诉我哪些人
I need you to tell me who is worthy
是值得与我一起在末日中幸存的
of surviving the apocalypse with me.
我只想要最好的鞍配我的好马
I only want the sharpest razors in this town's Halloween candy.
别担心伯恩斯先生这是门萨的拿手好戏
Oh, don't worry, Mr. Burns, this is what Mensa does best--
让别人觉得自己是蠢货
make everyone else feel stupid.
唯一一个连续出现
The only word in English
三对双重字母的英文单词是
with three consecutive double letters is...
醋栗
Um, "Gooseberry."
不咖啡咖啡咖
No, "Coffee." Coffee-oo.
-气球 -记账人
- Uh, balloon-an-ing. - Bookkeeper.
我去
Damn it.
这很简单我们只需要
It's simple. All we need to do is
让镇上的每个人都做智力测试
give everyone in town an IQ test.
得分最高者能上方舟
The highest scores get on the ark--
门萨成员拥有特权
Mensa members grandfathered in.
听起来不错
Sounds good to me.
特权
Grandfathered!
别着急弗拉万
Not so fast. Flavin.
作为高智商者
Being intelligent people,
我十分确定你们完全理解
I am quite sure that you will take this well.
智商是毫无意义的
IQs are meaningless.
异端邪说
Heresy!
我有终极测试
I have the ultimate test
能够测量更有意义的东西
that measures something far more significant:
你是否配做人类
your overall worth as a human.
不可能
Impossible.
智力是唯一能断定
Intelligence is the only quotient
某人重要性的系数
that tells you how important you are.
随便问六岁时测试做得好的人就知道
Ask any of us who did well on a test we took when we were six.
你或许是最聪明的但不是最好的
Well, you may be the brightest, but you are not the best.
你作为人类的价值才是值得衡量的人类
Your worthiness as a human being is best measured, people,
通过人类价值系数测量即人价系数
by the Personal Value Quotient. That's P.V.Q.
好了扔得够多了
All right, enough with the pelting
别再冲我又砸又打了
and the bonking and the compass in my neck.
天哪为了平息
Garvik. In order to defuse
你们对我明显的敌意
your obvious hostilities,
我可以给我的展示增加一些趣味性好吗
I will make my presentation entertaining, all right?
准备一二 π
With a one, and a two, and a 3.14159.
如果觉得被我冒犯请原谅
Forgive me if it seems like I'm attacking,
但我发现过去的智商测试问题严重
but I find the old IQ test badly lacking.
如果想知道一个人到底有多聪明
If you want to find out just what someone can do,
就需要知道他的PVQ
*you need to learn that subject's P.V.Q.*
*这个测试*
*It tests for*
*测验同情同感和协同合作*
*sympathy and empathy and group collaboration*
*艺术整洁还有复杂社交*
*Artistry and neatness and complex socialization*
*还有性格的方方面面*
*And every single aspect of a personality*
*个人价值观量表*
*Hey, the P.V.Q.*
*我觉得就很好*
*Is A.O.K. with me*
*它检测讽刺检测谨慎*
*It tests for sarcasm and prudence*
*除非你是艾萨克·牛顿*
*Not if you're Isaac Newton*
*还有信心和雄心*
*Confidence, ambition*
荣格学说佛洛伊德学说
*还有你为谁加油*
*And the teams for whom you're rootin'*
*定义一个人的*