再造淑女（2014）

Selfie S01E08

Part 1 Oct. 24, 2020, 9:47 p.m.

Growing up, I saw birthdays
从小到大我都把生日
as a chance to party with my friends.
当作是跟朋友派对的日子
or at the least, the one friend
至少是跟我唯一的朋友
who my mom hired, who happened to be a clown.
我妈妈雇来的而且还是个小丑
Nowadays, I party like a drunk Reese Witherspoon.
但现在我就像喝醉了的瑞西·威瑟斯彭[演员]一样狂欢
I am an American citizen,
我是美国公民
and I am on U.S. soil!
我现在在美国领土上
Unfortunately, not everyone thinks life is a party,
不幸的是并非所有人都把生活当派对
and by "Not everyone," I mean Henry.
这里的并非所有人是指亨利
The cellphone is an extension of the hand.
手♥机♥是手的延伸
In fact, the very surface of your cellular device
事实上手♥机♥设备的表面
is home to thousands of germs, microbes, and bacteria,
有上千种病菌微生物和细菌
capable of causing everything from
能引发各种疾病
pneumonia to diphtheria and quite possibly --
肺炎白喉甚至可能引起...
Aids!
艾滋病
N-no, not aids.
没有艾滋病
Ebola?
埃博拉
Those are the two I'm mainly worried about.
我主要就担心这两个
Charlie, I will not hesitate to mace you!
查理我会朝你喷防狼喷雾的
Move!
闪开
Charlie! I'm sorry, sir.
查理抱歉先生
She's way stronger than me.
她比我壮太多
Yeah, she is. How can I help you?
是的有什么需要帮忙的
You know damn well I'm here on official company business.
你非常清楚我是来执行公务的
Let's just get it over with.
赶紧解决了吧
Don't be mad at me.
别生我的气
I didn't come up with the policy.
规矩不是我定的
I don't also need a lecture! Fine.
我也不需要附带你的说教好吧
Ready? I'm ready.
准备好了吗好了
Go.
开始吧
It's your birthday?!
你过生日啊
Saturday is my birthday.
周六才是我生日
Policy dictates that the "Happy Birthday" song
政策规定《生日快乐》歌♥
must be administered on or before the employee's date of birth,
必须在生日当天或之前执行
and I don't work on Saturdays, so...
我周六不上班所以
Thank you, Charmonique. I have been served.
谢谢夏莫妮卡你的任务完成了
Now, if you'll excuse us,
现在不好意思
Eliza and I are late for a meeting with R&D.
我跟伊莉莎去研发部开会要晚了
I'm sorry. I just don't enjoy being celebrated.
不好意思我只是不喜欢被庆祝
Your birthday lands on a weekend?
你生日恰好在周末
You're basically living my dream.
简直是我的梦想成真了啊
My next b-day falls on stupid Tuesday.
我下个生日是在该死的星期二
Don't disparage Tuesdays.
不要黑星期二
Tuesdays have done nothing to you.
星期二跟你什么仇什么怨
So, what are you gonna do to celebrate?
那你要怎么庆祝呢
I'm not entirely sure.
不太确定
Julia and I may grab dinner.
茱莉亚跟我可能会去吃饭
Other than that, I was hoping to power-wash my carport,
此外我希望能彻底清洁一下车♥库♥
maybe finish this documentary on tiny houses.
可能还会看完那部讲小房♥子的纪录片
Who wronged you? What?
你被谁糟践了什么
Why are you the way you are?
为什么你是这个样子
There he is! Birthday boy!
在这呢小寿星
Got you something. Don't try to dodge it.
给你准备了点东西不许躲哦
Don't you dare try and dodge it!
别想给我躲
He's dodging it! He's a dodg-- whoa!
他想躲他想躲
Birthday boy?
寿星呢
No idea, sir.
不知道老板
He's getting wilier with age.
真是越长大越狡猾了
I do admire that.
我很欣赏
See that he gets that.
一定要交到他手上
All this just to avoid people giving you gifts?
你就只是为了躲着给你送礼物的人
What constitutes a gift is entirely subjective.
礼物的内容都很主观
In my experience, co-workers alternate
根据我的经验同事一般有两种选择
between cheap, impersonal items like this partially used
要么是没有人情的便宜货
Barry's brisket gift card from Larry
比如拉里送的这张二手巴里肉店礼品卡
and lavish, impersonal items like this...
要么就是没有人情的奢华物件
Endangered ivory-tusk letter opener from Saperstein.
比如萨珀斯坦送的濒危象牙开信刀
Henry, you have spent weeks impressing upon me
亨利这几周以来你一直教育我
the importance of good manners and social grace.
礼貌和社交礼仪的重要性
There's no way I'm not getting you a birthday present.
所以我一定也要给你送礼物
Fair enough.
好吧
Then I task you with finding something personal --
那我要给你布置任务必须找到有人情味
meaningful, yet modest.
有意义却不过分张扬的东西
Fine. But, um...
好不过
Can I cop that barry's brisket gift card?
那张巴里肉店礼品卡能给我吗
Because I am hella hangry, and it's, like, not even noon.
我饿到不行了可是还没到中午
Go ahead. Thank you.
拿去吧谢谢
What do you guys think Henry would love more --
你们觉得亨利会更喜欢哪个
A tempur-pedic pillow or a mug that says "I mean business!"?
泰普尔牌的枕头还是写着"我是当真的"杯子
Mug. They both sound terrible.
杯子听起来都挺糟糕
He says he wants something modest, yet meaningful.
他说要不过分张扬却有意义
What am I supposed to do --
那我怎么办
Capture and gift wrap Cate Blanchett?
把凯特·布兰切特[演员]抓来包上送给他吗
Oh, you know who I've always wanted to capture?
你知道我一直都想抓谁吗
Clive Owen.
克里夫·欧文[演员]
I just think he's great.
我真的觉得他太棒了
Yeah, but isn't he kind of Clive Owen in everything?
不过他不是什么事情都要掺和一脚吗
Oh, that's not fair.
这可不公平
Can we focus, please? Let's think.
别跑题好吗赶紧想
What's something henry doesn't have?
亨利没有什么
Fun.
乐趣
Wait, there's some truth in your hilarious burn.
等等你的幽默言语里还是有些真知的
What about a party?
给他办个派对怎么样
I could throw Henry a fun party
我可以亨利办一个有趣的派对
with a cake and white tigers --
有蛋糕白虎...
I'm in! I'm in! I-I'm coming -- no take-backs!
我加入我加入不许反悔
I don't know.
不好说
Henry doesn't seem like the "Fun party" kind of guy.
亨利看起来可不像是喜欢"有趣派对"的人
He seems more like the
他更像是那种
"leave the fun party early to avoid traffic" kind of guy.
"有趣派对提前离场只为避开车流"的人
Stop saying things that are true!
不要再说大实话了
Sidebar -- does anyone want this?
话说回来这个你们谁想要
Oh, dear God!
老天爷啊
I thought you were a possum!
我以为是一只负鼠
I'm not.
并不是
What are you doing out there?!
你在外面干什么
Waiting till midnight. What at midnight?
等到午夜午夜怎么了
Your birthday, dummy.
你生日呀傻瓜
Open up.
开门
Geez! Wait, wait, wait, wait, waiting.
天等等等等等等
Okay, now. Open up.
好了打开吧
Two tickets to Blues Traveler.
两张蓝调旅者演唱会门票
Stunned silence.
吓到无言以对
Partially blind.
眼睛已被闪瞎
Blues Traveler's your favorite band, right?
蓝调旅者是你最喜欢的乐队对吧
Technically, my membership to the John Popper army
严格来说我在约翰·波普尔[乐队成员]粉丝军的
expired 20 years ago.
会员身份20年前就过期了
But, uh, I did used to love them.
不过我以前确实挺喜欢他们
Wait, how did you know?
等等你怎么知道的
I just stalked every single person in your graduating class,
我找出了你毕业班里的每一个人
scoured all their individual Facebook photos
看了他们的脸书照片
until I found one from 1994
终于发现1994年的一张
that you could been seen in the background of,
你出现在了照片背景中
sporting a nasty, little rat tail and a Blues Traveler T-shirt.
梳个小鞭子穿着蓝调旅者T恤
In the '90s, that was an acceptable look.
90年代那种打扮是可以接受的
Thank you, Eliza. Well done.
谢谢伊莉莎做得不错
You accomplished the task.
你完成了任务
"You accomplished the task."
你完成了任务
Well, thank you, m'dear. You weren't too shabby yourself.
谢谢亲你也不赖嘛
No, that's what Henry said when I gave him his birthday present.
不那是我给亨利生日礼物时他说的话