再造淑女（2014）

Selfie S01E01

Part 1 Oct. 24, 2020, 9:45 p.m.

The funny thing is,
可笑的是
people used to call me butt-ugly.
过去人们叫我大丑女
In my 7th-grade yearbook,
七年级的年鉴里
I blew out my curls and pushed up the girls,
吹起大♥波♥浪挤出事业线
corrected my vision, stepped up my nutrition,
矫正视力改善营养
traded likes for likes,
以赞换赞
and before long,
没过多久
I was insta-famous.
我就一跃成为网络红人
I have 263,000 friends, followers...
我一共有263,000个好友粉丝
and insta-quaintances.
以及Instagram好友
Not to mention the love and respect of my co-workers,
更不用说同事们对我的爱与尊重
who happen to be on board.
他们恰好也在同一航♥班♥上
Got the upgrade, ladies.
姐升舱了各位
Don't be jelly, Linda.
不要羡慕嫉妒恨哟琳达
Is that one of ours?
她是咱们公♥司♥的吗
Eliza Dooley,
伊莉莎·杜丽
our company's bestperforming sales rep? Yeah.
公♥司♥业绩最佳的销♥售♥代表没错
She's our best sales rep? That can't be true.
她是最佳销♥售♥代表不可能吧
That's the magic of the miniskirt... no one's immune,
超短裙的魔力无人能挡
including Miller from legal, who happens to be...
包括法律部的米勒只是他...
Married, isn't he?
结婚了对吧
She hasn't picked up on that yet.
她还没意识到这一点
She's been a little too busy making sure her lipstick matches her thong.
她光忙着口红要和丁字裤搭配了
How do you know so much about her lipstick and her thong?
你怎么知道她口红和丁字裤事情
I follow her on instagram.
我在Instagram上关注了她
Very classy.
非常美艳
What is this, her breakfast?
这是早餐吗
See, this is exactly what I can't stand.
我就是受不了这些东西
Social media is this... is this giant fingernail
社交媒体就像是巨大的指甲
scratching this woman's itch for constant attention.
不断挠着这个女人渴望被关注的痒
Giant fingernail.
巨大的指甲
"Oh, look at me. Something good happened. #blessed."
看啊发生了好事 #真好
"Oh, look at me. Something bad happened. #stillblessed."
快看啊发生了坏事 #依然很好
"I'm at the gym. #gymflow."
我在健身房♥ #健身控
"I'm at work. #workflow."
我在工作 #工作控
"Oh, I'm standing near a baby. #babyflow,
我旁边有个小宝宝 #宝宝控
#circleoflife, #blessed."
#生命轮回 #真好
Your volume is really high right now.
你声音有点大…
Why does her generation feel compelled to tweet every item
为什么这一代人要把嘴巴碰过的东西
that goes into their mouths, including Miller from marketing's...
都发到推特上包括市场部米勒的…
Warm nuts? Thanks.
热坚果[蛋蛋] 谢谢
Thought you could escape me in first class?
在头等舱就能逃出我的掌心吗
Eliza, wait.
伊莉莎等等
Look, I know it's intimidating
我知道
to fall for a girl with a strong pelvic floor
爱上我这样骨盆大的女孩不容易
and an advertising presence on her Facebook page...
而且还经常在Facebook主页上显摆
No, no. It's not that.
不不不是因为这个
Then what?
那是因为什么
Devices off. Seat belts buckled.
关闭电子设备系好安全带
He was... married?
他结婚了
And I just needed to gif my way through that.
必须要发几张动图来平复我的悲伤
Nausea, dizziness, a legit case of ham tongue.
头晕恶心口干舌燥
It was either the turbulence or grinder's remorse
不是因为气流就是自责
or a rare combination of the...
或者是因为结合了...
That was, uh...
真是...
Are you okay?
你还好吗
Can you please move your nuts? Yep.
能把你的坚果拿开吗
Married.
结婚了
You're married.
你居然结婚了
Why does this crap always happen to...
为什么这种破事总发生在我身上
So, hey, maybe you should... head to the bathroom now.
你是不是应该去一趟洗手间
I think they've got a toilet in there.
那里应该有马桶
I couldn't tell what sucked more...
我分不清哪个更糟
Being drenched in panic pudding at a cruising altitude of 36,000 feet
在36000英尺的高空出尽洋相
or how many people liked seeing me that way.
还是那么多人看到我这样都很开心
Everything okay in there?
一切都还好吗
Not really.
不咋地
My new boyfriend is someone else's husband.
我的男朋友居然已为人夫
I barfed all over my Louboutins.
名牌高跟鞋里全是呕吐物
The plane is full of my co-workers.
飞机上都是我的同事
And now I'm stranded in here,
现在我被困在这了
naked and afraid.
没衣服穿害怕之极
Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm gonna need you to vacate the lav.
女士恐怕得请您离开洗手间
Okay. I'll vacate your lav,
好我这就离开
but can you at least grab me an extra stewardess outfit?
但你能不能至少给我拿一套空姐制♥服♥
I probably wouldn't do the little lady tie, but the skirt, yes,
蝴蝶结就算了裙子可以来一件
and the button-down, certainly.Why not? Sure...
衬衫什么的也行吧
the vest.
马甲也给我吧
Ma'am, this is not a department store.
女士这里不是购物商场
There are no extra outfits.
没有多余的制♥服♥
Carol-June, straight up, now, tell me...
卡罗尔·琼那你告诉我
What would you do if you were me?
如果你是我你会怎么做
I'd keep doing what you're doing.
我会继续努力
I mean, is this cardio barre or pilates?
健身操还是普拉提
You look fantastic. Thank you.
身材棒极了谢谢
But what if you didn't want to show this off?
但如果我不想到处炫耀呢
It's amazing what you can do with three in-flight blankets tied sarong-style.
三条飞机小毯竟能搭配出莎笼小裙风情
I'd spent years laughing... at stupid idiots on the Internet.
多年来我一直在嘲笑互联网上的各种蠢货
And now that stupid idiot was me.
而现在我就是那个蠢货
Hold the elevator! Hold!
电梯等等等等
Even if you are in a passionless marriage,
即使是婚姻失去了激♥情♥
it doesn't mean adultery is okay.
也不代表就可以出轨啊
Okay, you know what I wasn't in the mood for?
知道我现在最没心情听什么吗
A lecture from my hipster-crite neighbor Bryn.
邻居布琳虚伪的说教
She's the worst...
她烂爆了
With her nail art and her chevron stripes
她的美甲图案 V型条纹
and her non-prescription prescription glasses
没有度数的近视镜
and her bffs who love to diy
那群喜欢自己动手的闺蜜
and their top knots and Peter Pan collars
头顶的发髻还有彼得潘领
and cross body bags.
和斜挎包
It's weird. She defines herself by her sexuality,
真奇怪她以性感自居
but I actually think it's the least interesting thing about her.
但我却觉得这时她最不吸引人的地方
Okay, first of all, I had no idea he was married
首先我跟他进行器官交战的时候
when we engaged in gland-to-gland combat,
并不知道他结婚了
and second of all,
其次
I get super horny when I travel,
我在旅行的时候很容易饥渴
and that's not my fault... that's science.
这不是我的错有科学根据的
We weren't talking about you.
我们没有在说你
We were discussing "Fear of Flying."
我们在讨论《怕飞》这本书
By Erica Jong.
艾瑞卡·容写的
We're a book club.
我们都是读书俱乐部的
I know that.
我知道
How stupid do you think I am?
你们以为我傻啊
I tried sending an S.O. Text to my own friends
我试着给我的朋友发短♥信♥
to see if anyone would bring me a ginger ale...
看看有没有人愿意给我带一杯姜汁汽水
But no luck.
但没人愿意
Is there a market close to me that delivers?
附近有可以送货的市场吗
I found five markets.
我找到了五个市场
Two of them are fairly close to you.
其中两个离你很近
When Siri is the only person who's there for you...
当只有Siri愿意挺你时
It kind of makes you realize
会让你意识到
being friended is not the same thing as having friends.
互粉好友并不等于真正的朋友
So, any plans for the weekend? No.
周末有什么活动没有
So, no girlfriend.
看来你没有女朋友
I'm just trying to determine
我只是想确认一下
if it's your utter lack of personal connections
你工作如此出色
that makes you... so good at your job.
是不是因为缺少人际交往
I find it rather easy not to form personal connections
我觉得不跟别人产生私人联♥系♥很容易
in a city that only values wireless connection.
尤其是城市里每个人都只想着连接无线
Mm. Good morning. How are you?
早上好你好吗