再造淑女（2014）
Selfie
第一季
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再造淑女（2014）
Selfie S01E06
Part 1
Oct. 24, 2020, 9:46 p.m.
What did people do at their desks
人们以前都在办公桌上干什么
before BuzzFeed, Candy Crush, instant messaging,
在没有新闻聚合 糖果传奇 即时通讯
texting, sexting, tweeting, 'gramming, and snapchat?
短♥信♥ 短♥信♥聊骚 推特 图片分享和阅后即焚之前
I bet they got buttloads of work done.
我想他们肯定是忙着完成工作
Suckers.
弱爆了
What did we say about half-naked snapchats?
关于阅后即焚半裸照 我们是之前怎么说的
We didn't say anything.
啥也没说啊
You said, "This is a place of business,"
你说 这是工作场所
and then you asked what snapchat was,
接下来你就问我阅后即焚是啥
and I had to tell you because, as usual,
我就得告诉你 因为
you have no idea what anything fun is.
你一如既往地不懂得什么叫乐趣
Once again, Freddy is reinforcing your bad habits
弗雷迪再一次加剧了你的恶习
and, quite frankly, stoking some of his own. What?
老实说 也恶化了他自己的恶习 什么
If you two put a fraction of your narcissistic energy
如果你把自恋的这股劲儿哪怕拿出来一点点
into solving the issues currently plaguing our society,
用来解决令社会头疼的大问题
perhaps rising sea levels, autism,
也许海平面上升 孤独症
and the rabidly dwindling bee population
急剧减少的蜂群数量
would be things of the past.
可能就会成为过去式
Whoa. Somebody needs to get laid.
哇 某人得需要女人的"滋养"了
Sometimes I say things that are totally true
有时 我会说出一些真♥相♥
without even realizing how true they are,
但自己却并没有意识到事实果真如此
like in 2008 when I accidentally said...
比如2008年 我不经意间说道
I bet you anything the dumb golden girl
我打赌 《黄金女郎》里那个蠢妞
outlives the man golden girl and the slut golden girl.
比男人婆和浪荡♥女♥活得都长
No chance. Sluts live forever.
不可能 浪荡得永生
So when I accidentally diagnosed Henry's sexual frustration,
所以 当我不小心诊断出亨利缺少性福时
it shouldn't have surprised me how right I was.
大家都这么认为 也就不足为奇了
It's a bed-wetting remedy,
这是治疗尿床的药
and your primary color is yellow.
可你却用黄色当主色
Do you really not understand what the issue is?
你真的搞不清楚状况吗
The box literally looks like it's been soaked in urine.
这盒子看上去就像是被尿泡过的一样
Ew.
恶
Did you pee on my box?
你在我盒子上尿尿了吗
Somebody needs to get laid.
某人需要性福滋润呀
Yes.
没错
I accidentally called that in 2014 like five seconds ago!
2014年我已经不小心说出了这个事实 就在几秒前
Still, I couldn't help but feel partially responsible.
但我不禁觉得我也应该负部分责任
After all, I'd been consuming most of Henry's free time.
毕竟 我占据了亨利大部分空闲时间
All right, Eliza. It's getting late.
好了 伊莉莎 已经很晚了
Uh, let's try this again.
咱们再试一次
Your co-worker returns from maternity leave
你同事产假归来
anxious to share with you a photo of her newborn baby
迫不及待地给你看她小宝宝的照片
who happens to look like this.
可小宝宝却长成这样
And you reply?
你作何回应
That said, it really doesn't leave him much time to mack on hoes.
因此 他真的并没有多少时间去泡妞
And because Henry's so deficient in vitamin v,
由于亨利如此缺乏性福滋养
he's super salty about my relationship with Freddy.
所以他对我跟弗雷迪的关系感到很不爽
So, long story short --
简而言之
We need to get Henry some strange.
我们得给亨利找点新鲜
Exactly.
没错
You know, there's a cute girl
你知道吗
that works in the coffee shop downstairs.
楼下咖啡店里有个美女
Now, she asked about Henry once.
她问起过亨利
And for no real reason, I blocked it.
但不知为何 被我给回绝了
I regret that now.
我现在后悔了
So, you'll help me?
所以你会帮我咯
No.
不
Oh, see? I don't know what my problem is.
知道吗 我也不知道怎么回事
It's like my default setting is to block.
好像我的默认设置就是要回绝别人一样
But don't worry. I-I'll help you.
别担心 我会帮你的
Probably.
也许吧
While Charmonique and I came up with a plan
夏莫妮卡跟我正在想办法
to not block Henry and the cute barista,
不否决亨利和美女咖啡师的缘分
he rearranged his desk supplies
而他重新整理了桌面
like a sexually frustrated lunatic.
想一个极度缺性福的疯子
I don't know why three-hole punch gets priority seating over here.
不知道为什么三孔打孔机会在这么重要的位置上
It's not like I punch three holes in things all that often.
我又不会经常给东西打三个孔
You know what? You need to go.
知道吗 得跟你拜拜了
Just pack your paper holes and get out of here.
带上你的纸孔滚蛋去吧
Brought you something.
给你带了个东西
Where did this come from? I don't even use this.
这些纸屑哪来的 我根本不怎么用这玩意好吗
It's a gift card to the coffee place downstairs.
楼下咖啡店的礼品卡哟
Here.
给你
Don't you want to go get a drink? Hmm?
不想去喝一杯吗
Uh, before 5:00 p.m. or tomorrow from 7:00 to 3:00,
下午五点前 或者明天七点到三点
or next Tuesday when she covers for R-Romy?
或者下周二她替罗密代班的时候
The next Tuesday when she covered for Romy,
到了下周二 她替罗密代班时
Henry finally took the bait.
亨利终于上钩了
I'm gonna grab a coffee.
我去喝杯咖啡
Ca-kaw! Ca-caw!
咯咯 咯咯
Is it going down?
他要去了吗
It's going down.
马上就过去了
But whether or not Henry would notice
但亨利能否注意到
the cute barista who was covering for Romy
替罗密代班的美女咖啡师
remained to be seen. He's next!
还有待观察 轮到他了
Hey, stranger.
嗨 陌生人
Ooh, it is taking every ounce of self-control I have not to block this.
我得用上所有的自控力 才能不去阻止这件事
It's like I want people to be happy.
我希望别人幸福
But on the other hand, no, I don't.
但另一方面 我并不希望如此
Here you go, Henry.
给你 亨利
Oh, my God. She gave him a cookie.
天呐 她给了他一个曲奇饼干
She gave him a cookie he didn't even order.
他并没有点曲奇 她却给他了
I didn't order this cookie.
我没有点曲奇
I know.
我知道
I just thought maybe you'd like to try it.
我就想着 你可能想尝尝
It has nuts.
这里面有坚果
You can eat around the nuts.
你可以吃旁边的部分
No, thanks. Too much work. I don't want it.
不了 谢谢 太麻烦了 我不想吃
He gave back the cookie.
他把曲奇还回去了
Now, who gives back a cookie unless it's oatmeal raisin?
谁会把曲奇还回去啊 又不是燕麦葡萄干饼干
Look, Henry, the cookie was my way of saying that --
亨利 给你曲奇是我表达...
You're gonna screw up your inventory.
你会把存货搞乱的
Where's Romy?
罗密去哪了
Wow. He blocked himself.
他把自己给绝缘了
It's like he doesn't even realize she's hitting on him.
他好像根本没意识到她在勾搭他
He has no game.
他驾驭不了情场啊
And if we don't help him, he's probably gonna die alone.
我们要是不帮他 他估计就要孤独终老了
I really hope I didn't just accidentally predict that.
真希望我没有不小心说出这样的预言
So, here's the plan.
计划是这样的
We covertly gather intel on Henry,
我们偷偷地收集亨利的情报
post him on every single dating site in existence,
把他的资料放到所有约会网站
handle the pregame for him so he can't mess it up,
帮他做好前期准备 让他万无一失
and then throw a mixer full of women
然后送上一堆
already predisposed to bang.
已经准备开约的女人
Mm, okay, so we're gonna need his height, weight,
所以我们需要他的身高体重
likes, dislikes, birthstone, and any STDs.
好恶 诞生石以及是否有性病
And favorite cast member of "Friends."
以及《老友记》里最喜欢的演员
Ooh! Mine's Chandler.
我最喜欢钱德勒
It's that sarcasm as a self-defense, though.
不过是喜欢他用讽刺来自卫
Good morning, Charmo...
早上好啊 夏莫...
...nique.
...妮卡
What's this? There's no one here to say "Good morning" to.
什么情况 没人在 我跟谁说早安去
How then will people know to have a good --
这样的话 别人怎么才能知道要过一个愉快的...
Good morning, Joanna!
早上好啊 乔安娜
Joanna
乔安娜
There she is!
她来了
Linda.
琳达
Linda in red
红衣美女琳达
is dancing with me.
与我摇曳共舞
Thank you for your leadership, Linda.
感谢你的领导力 琳达
再造淑女（2014）
Selfie
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