杰茜驾到（2011）

New Girl S04E10

Part 1 Nov. 20, 2020, 12:28 p.m.

Hey, hey, hey. Scoot down, scoot down.
起开起开
Nick, what are you doing? What are you doing?
尼克干什么呢你干什么呢
Sorry, just scoot down.
抱歉你们走开就是了
I need to iron this shirt
我要熨下这件衬衣
that I'm wearing for my date with Tran's granddaughter.
去跟权的孙女约会要穿的
It's either this or the turtleneck
不是这件就得是
my mother bought me in 2009.
我妈09年给我买♥♥的那件高领绒衣
They're my only clean shirts.
我就剩这俩干净的了
The short-sleeved turtleneck? Don't do that.
那件短袖高领绒衣吗千万别
Okay. Look, we need this whole table
好吧我们需要整个桌子
for Nadia's baby shower, all right? So, move along.
给纳迪亚准备迎婴会一边去吧
Nadia-- isn't that the Russian chick who broke, uh,
纳迪亚不是那个俄♥国♥妞吗还搞断了
Schmidt's, uh...
施密特的...
Will to live?
活下去的意志吗
After she broke my penis?
在她弄坏我丁丁之后
Who saw her and thought,
是谁看到她想着
"That's the woman I want to be the mother of my children"?
"我就要让这个女人给我生孩子"
She's not sure.
她可不这么想呢
Yeah, she calls it her little "Sex party miracle."
是啊她把那叫做她的"性♥爱♥小奇迹"
Do you have to iron here?
你非得在这熨吗
It's the only flat surface!
就这儿是平的
Besides Winston's desk-- but he's using it
除了温斯顿的桌子可他正用着那张桌子
to study for his police academy test,
准备他警校的考试
and he is "Not to be disturbed."
"闭关勿扰"着呢
Not enough, not enough.
还不够还不够
There's an ironing board in the bathroom.
浴室里有块熨板
I know, but I've been using that to wedge it between two urinals
我知道可我一直用那块板子隔开俩便池
to keep Schmidt from peeking.
免得施密特偷♥窥♥我尿尿
But fine, I'll use that!
得用就用
Coach! Coach!
教练教练
My Charlie Rose episodes, all 18 of them, are gone.
我的查理·罗斯脱口秀整整十八集都没了
DVR is chockablock filled with
录像机里录满了
American football matches, which,
橄榄球比赛
by the way, is a garbage... Oh!
那些全都是垃圾
We cool?
没事了
Yeah, we cool. Cool.
没事了没事
What the hell just happened?
刚刚这是怎么了
Fight. Yeah. Now it's over.
打架没错现在结束了
I barely even remember it.
我都不记得了
I cannot believe you guys handle things that way.
我简直无法相信你们男生这么解决问题
I'm starting to think that neither one of you read
我开始觉得你们俩都没有读
the Madeleine Albright Biography
作为圣诞礼物我送你们的
I gave you for Christmas.
《马德琳·奥尔布莱特传》
I'm so glad we don't fight.
我们不打架真好
I know. Oh, please. Women fight.
可不是拜托女人还不打架
Well, we occasionally get into a little thing.
我们偶尔也会起些争执
Yeah, I mean, like we just had that thing with the purse--
没错就像包包那件事
but that was, like, barely even a thing. Yeah.
不过那几乎都不叫事儿没错
That was nothing-- I mean,
那就什么都不是我是说
there's no point in even talking about it.
提它都没有意义
Oh. No, you should have that.
不你拿去吧
No, you should have it. No, you take it.
不应该归你不你拿去吧
No, you take it. No, you take it.
不你拿去吧不你拿去
I want you to take it. No. Take it.
我要你拿去不拿去
Look, I want you to have it
我要你拿去
'cause it would look good on you.
是因为你背会很好看
No, it's made for you.
不这就是为你量身打造的
You... No.
你不
But then we both decided that it was better
不过接着我们一致认同最好还是
if neither one of us bought it.
我们谁都别买♥♥那个包
Yep. The neon yellow purse?
没错那个氖黄色的包包吗
With the strap? Yeah, I've seen that.
带背带的我见过
It's in your closet.
就在你衣柜里
I wonder how many rubber duckies
我倒好奇要残害多少只大黄鸭
needed to die to make that thing.
才能做出那么个包包来
Uh, Schmidt, you don't know what you're talking about.
施密特你胡说什么呢
I got to run.
我得走了
Oh... What?
怎么了...
Thank you so much for helping with the baby shower.
迎婴会帮这么多忙真是太感谢你了
You know, you are just the best. No, you're the best.
你就是最棒的不你才是最棒的
Whoa. Did I tell you I love your top, by the way?
还有我有告诉你我多爱你的上衣吗
No. Oh, I just found this in
没有我在我衣柜
the back of my closet. What's... what's happening?
后面找到的这这是在搞什么
You said too much.
你的话太多了
So, I'll call you later? Definitely.
一会儿打给你当然
Okay. Bye! Bye!
好的拜拜拜拜
Oh, my God!
我的天哪
What just happened?
刚刚发生了什么
That's a girl fight.
女孩就是这样打架的
Schmidt, stay out of it, man.
施密特别插手伙计
Girl fights are dangerous, okay?
女孩们的斗争相当凶险
I grew up with three sisters,
我跟三个姐妹一起长大的
and I wore a cup until I was 14 years old.
我14岁前可都是戴着胸罩的
What's wrong?
怎么了
They planned to wear braids and bows and didn't tell me
她们串通好编辫子系蝴蝶节
on purpose.
还故意不告诉我
There. Now you match.
给你这下你们一样了
Well, congratulations on having sisters,
有这等姐妹还真是要恭喜你
but I know women. You blindfold me,
不过我懂女人你把我眼睛蒙上
spin me around and drop me into a rainstorm,
让我转好几圈再把我扔进暴风雨中
and I'll still find the G-spot.
我照样能找到G点
Schmidt... Let us not forget that I had boobs
施密特可别忘了我在人生的头19年
for the first 19 years of my life.
可是有胸的男人
I grew up as a fat, asexual friend-zoner.
就那么成了人见人爱的纯洁胖闺蜜
You can't buy that kind of access.
这种便利多少钱都买♥♥不到
Schmidt, I'm talking about how women act towards other women.
施密特我说的是女人之间的战争
You don't want to get in the middle of that. Coach...
你插♥进♥去绝对会后悔的教练
Jess has the purse. I saw it in her closet
包在杰茜那里下雨那天
when it was rainy and I was bored
我百无聊赖四处乱翻的时候
and I was feeling snoopy.
看到了
No, no, no... See?
别别进去看到没
Look-- the purse.
你看就是这个包
In the immortal words of Tag Team,
用Tag Team的不朽之作来说就是
"Whoop. There it is."
"看啊在这呢"
Fine. I went back and I bought the purse,
好吧我回去把它买♥♥了
'cause I love it.
因为我喜欢得不行
I love purses.
我爱包包
And that doesn't mean I'm not a feminist, either.
但这改变不了我的女权主义精神
I'm a damn feminist who loves purses.
我就是个爱包的女权主义战士
Where else am I supposed to keep my feminist writings?
那些女权主义文章放哪儿
In a purse, that's where.
就放这些包里啊
Lena Dunham.
就像莉娜·丹恩
I don't know. I...
我瞎说的
Jess, it's a purse. Who cares?
杰茜不过是个包没啥大事
Just apologize.
道个歉就行了
Cece and I have been friends for 20 years.
我和希希当了二十年闺蜜
Do you know why?
知道为什么吗
Because we're passive-aggressive people.
因为我俩都是消极攻击型的
We never confront anything.
我们从不主动出击
That's the way it works with us. It always has.
这对我俩很管用从没出过错
And that was one of the worst fights we've ever had.
那都算是我们吵得最凶的一次了
And if I bring up the purse,
如果我提钱包的事
then everything else comes up with it.
陈年往事就都会被翻出来
Too many things have happened.
往事似楼高啊
Women have amazing memories.
女人天生拥有变♥态♥记忆力
Because we used to be the gatherers,
因为我们曾负责收集食物
and so we had to remember
我们必须得记住所有
where all the best berries were hidden.
藏着最好浆果的地方
And Cece and I,
而希希和我
we've hidden berries all across the Great Plains.
我们的地雷埋遍了大平原