杰茜驾到（2011）

New Girl S04E07

Part 1 Nov. 20, 2020, 12:28 p.m.

Gentlemen, three months ago,
伙计们三个月前
I bravely re-entered the dating pool.
我勇敢地杀回情场
And how has this city rewarded me?
可我得到的回报是什么
With an endless parade of weirdo ass clowns.
让我阅尽无数奇葩与傻♥逼♥
Hard to say who was the worst.
一个个还真难分高下
Comedy magician.
那个喜剧魔术师
No, it's the guy with the little ding-ding.
不是丁丁特小的那个
The lion tamer. Never went out with a lion tamer.
那个驯狮员从没跟驯狮员约过好吗
Then I am having some vivid dreams.
我那梦做得也太真实了
The point is,
重点在于
Ian has asked me out on a third date.
伊恩约我去第三次约会
Ooh. And this is the biggest compliment I could give:
对此我最好的回答是
I want to go.
我想去
Because I like him.
因为我喜欢他
That's not a reason.
这可算不上理由
And, frankly, it's been a while.
坦白说喜欢有一阵子了
And the third date is where
到第三次约会差不多就该是
* Mama gets her biscuit. *
姐终于有饼干吃了
Mama gets her biscuit. I don't understand.
姐有饼干吃了没懂
It's sex. Oh!
关于性的懂了
Yeah! Now, that's a reason!
这样啊这是个好理由
Anyway, I'm bringing him home tonight,
总之我今晚带他回家
so let's keep those toilets flushed.
所以记得冲马桶
That means stick around. Take a second look.
也就是上完厕所再回头多看一眼
How'd you tell Ian about the
那你是怎么跟伊恩说的
fun surprise that you still live with your ex?
你还跟前任住在一起这么喜感的事呢
All right.
是的
Well, I haven't told him yet.
目前还没告诉他
Uh, tricky conversation.
棘手的话题
I'm thinking of something simple like,
我想开门见山地说
"Hey, Ian, I live with my ex."
"伊恩我跟前任住在一起"
No. No, no. When a guy hears that, he is going to
不不不他要是听见这话
run through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man.
准跟库尔急救人一样穿墙而逃
Here's a fun idea.
想到个有意思的
You can put a hat on him with antlers.
你可以给他戴顶有鹿角的帽子
This way, the hole he makes in the wall will make us all smile.
这样他穿墙留下的洞就欢乐多了
Nick brings home girls all the time.
尼克一天到晚带姑娘回家
There's no problem. No complaints here.
这都不是事儿没人有意见哦
It'll make you forget every botanical garden
它会让你忘掉你曾见过的所有
you've ever seen.
植物园
I live with my ex-girlfriend.
我跟前女友住在一起
And after the farmer's market...
在农产品市场之后...
I live with my ex.
我跟前任住在一起
Let's have sex again.
我们再做一次吧
I live with my ex.
我跟前任住在一起
Damn it. Too quick.
该死说太早了
Hey, if you're looking to scare somebody off,
你要是想吓跑他
it's basically a gold mine.
你那想法绝对不错
Nobody cares that we're exes who live together.
没人会在意我们是前任还住在一起这事
I got to go.
我还是走吧
Okay, that doesn't prove anything.
这也证明不了什么
Just for the record, I'm leaving 'cause you live with your ex.
郑重声明我走就是因为你跟前任住在一起
It's gross. And disgusting.
又恶心又下流
And I'm gonna steal some stuff.
我还得顺点什么走
Take what you want, honey.
想拿什么拿什么吧宝贝
We don't read those anymore.
那些我们都不看了
Nick, who are these girls?
尼克这些女的都哪来的
They're not the best.
她们可不是最好的
Jess, guys hate complicated situations.
杰茜男生都讨厌复杂的情形
We want the path of least resistance.
我们喜欢最省事的途径
There's a flap in our underwear because we are too lazy
内♥裤♥上开了口就是因为我们
to pull our underpants down.
懒得把裤子脱下来尿尿
No offense, Nick, but...
无意冒犯尼克不过...
Ian's a little different from you or the women you bring home.
伊恩跟你或者你带回家的姑娘们有些不同
The... tavern folk.
那些夜店浪♥女♥
Have some respect. They're called Uh-Ohs.
放尊重一点她们叫做哦哦族
And I've been through a lot of names: Pork Pals
还有不少名字呢猪肉好拍档
Okay. Bone Cronies,
好吧骨头好密友
Right. CPlussy Hussies.
嗯 C加小贱♥货♥
Very reverent. But "UhOh" takes it off of them
还真挺尊重哦哦族卸掉了伪装
and back onto me where it belongs.
令我回归本性
I made the mistake, not them. They're great.
犯错的是我不是她们她们可好了
You really are a prince among men, Nick.
你还真是男人中的极品尼克
Aw, that's awfully nice. I feel like I'm maturing.
你真好我觉得我开始成熟了
All I'm saying is that, somehow,
我只是想说不知怎么的
Ian is even more mature than you are.
伊恩比你还要成熟
And that's why I think he'll understand
所以我才觉得成熟冷静地
when I tell him in a mature adult way, I live with my ex,
告诉他我和前任住在一起他会理解的
but there's nothing to worry about.
完全没什么好担心的
Can I suggest a tweak? Fine.
我可以提个小建议吗好
"I live with my ex, but there's nothing to worry about
"我和前任住在一起但没什么可担心的
because he's gay now."
因为他已经弯了"
No.
不
"Because he has weeks to live." No.
"因为他只能再活几星期了" 不
"Because he's already dead."
"因为他已经死翘翘了"
What? Then I'll act like a ghost.
什么然后我就会扮成鬼
No.
不
Consider it.
考虑一下嘛
No. Come on.
不拜托
That's the worst ghost impression I've ever heard.
这是我听过的最糟的鬼叫声
This is the worst ghost impression you've ever heard?
这是你听过的最糟的鬼叫声吗
I'm a ghost.
我是鬼
There's way worse.
还可以糟很多呢
Anything for me?
有我的吗
Oh, no, this isn't our mail. This is our neighbors' mail.
没有这不是我们的信是邻居们的
You see, Viv likes it alphabetized.
薇薇喜欢按字母顺序排
Yet Michelle likes it according to size.
但米歇尔喜欢按尺寸排
Hashtag "Go figure," Right?
#想想看吧#
Hashtag "Did you see how I rhymed?"
#看到哥多押韵了嘛#
I want to choke you until your eyes
我想掐你掐到你眼珠子
literally pop out of your head.
蹦出来为止
Those girls are not going to sleep with you.
那些妹子不会跟你睡的
They are hot. And nothing is less hot than a male secretary.
她们很性感没什么比男秘书更不性感的了
What?
你说啥
I think somebody needs to take a good long look
看来有些人需要好好认识一下
Dude's eyes are so pouchy,
那家伙眼袋超重
he can barely see anything, and he's still killing it.
他几乎什么都看不到依然魅力四射
Girls don't have sex with guys who sort their mail.
妹子是不会跟给她们邮件分类的人睡的
Look, I am playing the long game here, Coach,
我是在放长线钓大鱼教练
weaving myself into the fabric of their lives.
把自己编织进他们的生活中去
Pretty soon I'll be as permanent
很快她们就会觉得我
as the will that I helped them draw up.
不可或缺了
Oh, Winston, thank God you're here.
温斯顿谢天谢地你总算来了
The toilet won't flush.
马桶堵了
Did you jiggle the handle?
你们摇过把手了吗
No, it's not working for us.
没人家做不来嘛
Here.
拿着
I'm not here to do any chores.
我可不是来做杂务的
You guys want to hang out tonight?
你们俩今晚想出去玩吗
Sure. Sure.
好哇当然
Right on. Right on. That's what's up.
好极了好极了就该这么着
Coach, I really need my stilts and a plunger!
教练我需要我的高跷和通厕器
Eh, I don't care.
关我屁事
I'm happy to lend you a bra,
我很乐意借你胸罩
but I don't think I have anything that would fit you.
但我觉得你好像没有能穿得下的
That'll smash 'em down good,
挤出的型超赞
but you'll never get those in there.
但你的胸塞不进去的
I know. I just wanted to see
我知道我只是想看看
what it would feel like to be your size.
你的尺寸会是什么感觉
Are we doing, like, a boob Freaky Friday?
我们是在演《辣妈辣妹》大胸版吗