消消气（2000）

Good morning.
早安
No.
不行
Larry, no.
拉里 这样不行
No, what? What are you talking about?
什么不行？你在说什么？
Didn't you just wear that jacket yesterday?
你昨天不就穿的这件外套吗？
Yeah, l'm wearing the exact same outfit.
是啊 我跟昨天穿了一样的衣服
l didn't feel like going through...
我不想再...
that whole decision process of picking out an outfit.
从头开始选一套衣服出来
lt's awful.
这样很不好
You know what? l think it's time to get rid of it.
你知道吗？我觉得是时候把这件扔了
What're you talking about? What's the matter with it?
你在说什么？这件怎么了？
Everything. Look at it, it's maroon.
全部都不行 你看看啊 是红褐色的
Maroon, yeah. lt's got....
是红褐色的啊 它还...
You think that's a good look? l think it's a good color for me, yeah.
你觉得这颜色好看？ 我觉得很适合我啊
lt's not. What?
不适合 什么？
Why don't you just take it off...
不如你脱了它
because l'm getting some clothes together for that homeless guy...
我准备给那个在加油站附近游荡的流浪汉...
that hangs out by the gas station?
收集一些衣服
l've had this jacket since I started doing, since Seinfeld.
我很早就开始穿这件了 从《宋飞正传》开始
Yeah, I believe you. This is my show night jacket.
嗯 我相信你 这是我晚上表演穿的衣服
l wore this on show night. Okay, great.
我晚上有表演的时候就穿这件 那很好啊
But you know, it's really time...
但是现在真应该...
to update your wardrobe a little, don't you think?
更新一下你的衣柜了 你不觉得吗？
What? Get the hell out of here!
什么？别动我的衣服！
Listen. What are you....
听着 你在干嘛...
This will be quick and painless. There you go.
一下就好 全程无痛 这不就脱下来了
Richard Lewis is in your office.
理查德路易斯在你办公室
So, l'm not gonna be around this weekend...
这周末我不在
in case you wanna get in touch with me for some reason.
先跟你说一声 以防你需要联♥系♥我
Where you going? l'm going to Monterey.
你要去哪儿？ 蒙特雷
That's nice. Yeah, Cheryl's sister is getting married.
不错啊 嗯 谢丽儿的妹妹要结婚了
Becky's getting married? Really? Yeah, to a Jew. Marrying a Jew.
贝基要结婚了？真的吗？ 对 她要嫁给一个犹太人
Really? So am l. They make the best husbands.
真的？我就嫁了犹太人 找老公就要找犹太人
And he's converting.
但是他要改信基♥督♥教
He's getting baptized and the whole thing, whatever.
要接受洗礼那套东西
Really? Yeah.
真的啊？ 嗯
But, you know what?
这样吧
l'll leave you the number where l'm gonna be staying...
我把我在那儿的电♥话♥号♥码给你
just in case anything comes up. Okay.
万一你有什么事要联♥系♥我 好的
l came up here for the tape, and thank you, but l....
我来是为了感谢你的录像带 但是我...
God, I hate doing this, 'cause, you know, you always take it the wrong way.
天啊 我真不想说这事儿 因为你总是误解我
You take everything the wrong way, ever since l've known you.
每件事你都会误解 从我认识你开始就这样
Seven years ago, l was in Paris, and I remember it exactly--
七年前 我在巴黎 我记得很清楚...
Forget Paris!
忘了巴黎吧！
All right, you stole my outgoing message on my answering machine.
你偷了我的电♥话♥答录提示语
What, are you crazy? What, are you nuts?
你疯了吗？脑袋秀逗了？
l know you're ethical, l'm ethical.
我知道你是个正直的人 我也是
You know, when people steal jokes, we fucking hate that.
我们都痛恨别人偷笑话
But I hate when people fucking steal my outgoing messages.
但是我也很讨厌别人偷我的电♥话♥提示语
You don't even know what you're talking about.
你都不知道你在说些什么
You have my same answering machine outgoing message...
你跟我的电♥话♥答录提示语一样
and it bugs me!
这让我很不爽！
That's my message! l wrote it in Paris!
那是我的提示语留言！ 是我在巴黎写的！
You wrote it in Paris? l had that message seven years ago!
你在巴黎写的？我七年前就想出来了！
Bullshit! Seven years....
胡说！ 七年...
l wrote it seven and a half years ago!
我七年半以前写的！
Whose word are you gonna trust, okay?
你觉得谁的话更可信？
An ex-alcoholic's, or a person who was lucid 24 hours a day...
前酒鬼的还是每时每刻...
his whole life?
都很清醒的人的？
Do me a favor? What?
帮我个忙行吗？ 什么忙？
Please change it. What?
麻烦你改了吧 什么？
'Cause it's really bothering me.
这让我很烦
l want you to change that 'cause people call me...
我想让你把留言改了 因为人们给我打电♥话♥...
and they call you, and they go, ''Larry David has the same thing.''
之后再给你打 就会说 "拉里大卫也有一样的留言"
''Fucking Larry David's, it's mine.''
"才他妈不是拉里大卫想出来的呢 是我"
l don't have a wife, l don't have, you know....
我没老婆 也没有...
My parents are dead. You have a family.
我爸妈也去世了 你有家庭
Come on, change it. Can you.... Come on.
拜托了 改了吧 可以吗...
He doesn't have a wife, and his parents are dead.
他没老婆 也没爹娘
That's right. I hold onto these things, man.
没错 我就靠这些东西活了 老兄
Doesn't have a wife, and his parents are dead.
没老婆 爸妈也死了
Do me a favor and change it for me.
帮我个忙 就为我改了吧
Yeah, l'll change it, because you don't have a wife...
好吧 我改 因为你又没娶到老婆...
and your parents, you lost your parents.
还失去了双亲
l'm laughing, 'cause you're funny.
我笑了 因为你很搞笑
And they would've been 95, but they're dead.
他们本来应该九十五高龄了但是却死了
l'm laughing but if you don't change it... lt's a shame.
我在笑 但是如果你不改的话... 真惨啊
Are you done?
你闹够了没？
Yeah, l'm done. l didn't steal your message, asshole.
够了 我才没偷你的留言 混♥蛋♥
l didn't take it.
我没偷
You took it from me, but you know what? l'll be the man.
是你偷我的 但是你猜怎么着？我原谅你
Whatever.
随便你吧
Ridiculous.
真荒谬
Hi, we're not in. Please leave a message at the tone. Thank you.
嗨 我们现在不在 听到提示音后请留言 谢谢
Fantastic.
很好
What's wrong with that? What's wrong? lt's because it's not fair.
这有什么不好的？ 哪里不好？因为这不公平
At least it's an admission of guilt. lt's not an admission of guilt.
至少你承认心里有愧 才不是
How's that an admission of guilt? l was the man.
这怎么就是承认心里有愧了？我这是大度
l'm a big man. l'm a big, expansive man.
我是个大度的人 胸襟开阔的人
You're a small, petty man.
你是个小肚鸡肠的人
Don't change that.
你回头可别改了
l remember when you made that message. l thought it was very funny.
我记得你录那条留言 我觉得很有趣
You know, so then to show that I was the man...
你知道的 为了展现我的大度
l changed the message right in front of him in the office.
我在办公室当他的面改了留言
From the office? Yeah.
在办公室改的？ 对
l didn't know you could change your outgoing message.
我不知道你在办公室也能改
Yeah, it was easy. l thought you had to be here.
可以 很简单 我以为得在家改
What do I got to take? Do I need a traveling outfit?
我需要带什么？旅行外套？
Yes, you need a traveling outfit, you need something for the baptism.
对 需要旅行外套 还需要在洗礼仪式上穿的衣服
So, we're probably... What is a baptism anyway?
所以我们可能... 洗礼到底是什么？
You don't know what a baptism is? l have no idea.
你不知道洗礼是什么？ 不知道
Something to do with water? Yeah.
跟水有关的？ 嗯
l can't believe you don't know what a baptism is.
我不敢相信你连洗礼都不知道是什么
l don't know what it is. You'll find out tomorrow, firsthand.
我真不知道 你明天就会知道了 亲临现场
You're gonna witness the whole thing.
你可以目睹整个过程
What does the average gentile wear to a baptism?
不是犹太人的人参加洗礼一般穿什么？
Something.... Blue blazer and a red tie and a white shirt?
大概... 蓝夹克 红领带和白衬衫？
Yeah, do you have that? My St. Anthony's....
对 你有这样的衣服吗？ 我的圣安东尼...
Khakis and a blue blazer would be wonderful.
卡其裤和蓝夹克就很好
And then something for the wedding? Then something for the wedding.
婚礼也要穿一套吧？ 婚礼上的衣服也要
Then the next day? Yes.
还有第二天的？ 嗯
Boy, this is rough.
这么麻烦
Can't believe this guy's converting.
不敢相信这家伙要改信仰
Why is he doing that?
他为什么要这样？
You guys come to our side, we don't go to your side.
只有你们来我们这边的 我们从来不去你们那边
Yeah. Jews don't convert. l'm really surprised.
犹太人不会改变信仰 我真的很惊讶
You know what? lf he didn't convert, she wouldn't marry him.
你知道吗？如果他不改 她就不会嫁给他
l know that about Becky. She's very....
我了解贝基 她很...
She's very passionate about her religion.
她对自己的信仰很热诚
Why do Christians take everything so personally...
为什么基♥督♥徒总是把耶稣
with Christ, you know?
搞得这么私人化？
lt's like, not only do you have to worship him...
不只是他们自己要崇拜基♥督♥
you want everybody to.
他们想让所有人都崇拜基♥督♥
lt's like, I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people?
这就像是 我喜欢龙虾 但我有到处强迫别人喜欢龙虾吗？
Do I say, ''You must like lobsters, eat lobster.
"你必须喜欢龙虾 吃点龙虾吧
''lt's good, it's good''? You know, it's not only where you live.
很好吃" 我会这样说吗？而且不止是在他们住的地方
You go to Africa, you travel all over the world.
他们会去非洲 满世界跑
''Eat lobster, have some more lobster, it's good.''
"吃龙虾吧 吃点吧 很不错的"
l don't really think it's... ''We want you to have lobster!''
我不认为... "我们要你吃龙虾！"
Lobster and religion, l really don't see the similarities.
龙虾和宗教 我觉得两者没有可比性