克拉克森的农场（2021）

Clarkson's Farm S01E02

Part 5 Oct. 18, 2021, 1:18 p.m.

我会很尴尬
Well, I'd be mortified.
-你回忆起了校园时光
-没错
Well, you're going back
to your public school days.
-Yeah, exactly.
-[laughing]
[atmospheric music playing]
我留下公羊们适应环境
[Jeremy] I left the rams to settle in,
又开了一会儿拖拉机…
did a bit more tractoring...
几天后该交♥配♥了
and then, a couple of days later,
it was time for some sex.
喂可以了猪猪
[Kevin] Wee, wee, that'll do, pig.
可以了猪猪
That'll do, pig.
国羊局的凯文和一个叫珍妮的澳洲兽医
[Jeremy] Kevin from the NSA
and a noisy vet called Jenny
帮母羊们做好准备
prepared the lady sheep,
在此期间他们发现了三只问题羊
and whilst doing so, they spotted
a problem with three of them.
看起来我们在这里发现了脓肿
[Jenny] Yeah, so it looks like
we've got an abscess there.
是的
[Kevin] Yeah.
乳♥房♥♥都生脓了
[Jenny] So, basically,
the udders are shot.
每只至少一处
At least one of them each, um,
所以我们不会选它们去育种
so not really something
we want to send for breeding.
它们还是能怀孕的吧？
Well, can they still get pregnant?
是的但出于福利考虑一旦它们生崽
Yes, but for welfare reasons
once they lamb
奶水量很有限
then you've got
the limited amount of milk.
因为我们就要叫莱昂纳多和韦恩来了我给它们起的名字
Cause we're about to bring old Leonardo
and Wayne, as I've called them.
韦恩会去找稍微年长一些的羊
Wayne's going to go
after the slightly older ones.
[Jenny chuckles]
莱昂纳多负责年轻的
Leonardo's taking the younger ones.
我们要把这三只病羊排除出去是吗？
But we've got to get these three
broken ones out, haven't we?
它们不能怀孕
'Cause they can't get pregnant.
是的我们不希望它们和公羊在一起
[Jenny] Yeah,
we don't want them with the rams.
[groovy music playing]
韦恩和莱昂纳多可以自♥由♥奔跑之前
[Jeremy] Before Wayne
and Leonardo could be let loose,
我们要给它们穿上绑带装备
we had to get them
into some bondage gear.
我们这里是
[Jeremy] What we've got here
一套要给羊穿的背带…
is a harness
we're going to put onto the sheep...
[sheep bleating]
…绕过这里
...around here like this.
这样它们骑母羊时
So as it mounts the lady sheep,
这个会在母羊背后摩擦留下蓝色痕迹
this rubs a blue mark
on the lady sheep's back
这样我们就知道哪只已经和哪只羊交♥配♥了
and then we know she's been impregnated
and by which one.
因为另一只是黄色
'Cause the other one...
has got yellow.
你来抓一只我抓另一只
Do you want to catch the one,
I'll catch the other.
[rattling]
朱斯曼先生说我这样做它们就会过来
Mr. Porksman said
if I just did this, they'd come.
来啊
Come on.
来啊
Come on.
它们知道你要抓它们
[Kevin] They know that you're after them.
你的举止很反常
That you're acting differently to
when you normally come here and feed them.
这份工作很讲究绵羊心理
A lot of this job is sheep psychology.
你要以它们的方式去思考
You have to think how they think.
它们想的是：“我要做♥爱♥ 我要吃草”
What they think is, "I must have sex,
I must eat some grass."
不它们想的是：“这些人要抓我
No, they think, um,
"These people are after me.
“最佳出口在哪？” 我们有点激怒它们了
Where's the best way to get out of here?"
and we've got them a bit riled, and...
你的木门有多结实？
how, how strong are your wooden gates?
看看就知道了
Well, let's find out.
-这是绵羊摔跤
-你得帮帮我
-[Kevin groans]
-That's sheep wrestling.
[Kevin] Right, you've got to help me now.
我知道告诉我要怎么做我就在这儿
[Jeremy] I know. Well, tell me what to do
and I'm right there.
-[straining]
-Good.
很好
-好了这是哪只？
-莱昂纳多
-Right, which one's this?
-Leonardo.
-好莱昂纳多是黄色
-莱昂纳多是黄色
-Right, so Leonardo's yellow.
-Yeah, Leonardo's yellow.
想过找个牧羊人替你照看吗？
[Kevin] Have you ever thought about
getting a bloody shepherd or something
that will do it for you?
省得你总是给我打电♥话♥
Better than you ringing me up
all the time. [groans]
我觉得它们能闻到母羊的味道了杰雷米
I reckon they can
smell them now Jeremy.
很好我们去把大门打开
[Jeremy] Good,
we'll get that gate open.
风朝那边吹它们会跟着嗅觉走
[Kevin] That wind's blowing that way.
They'll follow their noses now.
看
[Jeremy] Watch this.
让两个从未交♥配♥过的小子
Put two boys who've never had sex before
去围墙那边找75只如饥似渴的熟♥女♥
and 75 active cougars
on the other side of that wall.
我觉得它们开始明白了
[Kevin] I think the penny's
starting to drop now.
看它们开始大摇大摆
You see, they're starting to swagger.
[Jeremy laughs] Oh, yeah.
哦好
看它们已经兴奋了
[Kevin] Look, look,
they're excited already.
我知道看啊看看它们
I know, look at that.
Look at them go. Look at them.
[laughs]
然而它们跑起来会踢到自己的睾丸
The thing is though, when they run
they knee their own bollocks.
[sheep bleating]
哦看看我们的美洲豹
Oh. look at the cougars.
[continuous bleating]
嘿谁想喝一杯？
[Jeremy] Hey, who wants a drink?
意式浓缩马提尼有人要喝吗？
Espresso martini, anyone?
哦好它们进去了
Oh yeah, they've got it.
好的
Right.
天啊母羊们都疯了
God, the cougars are desperate.
它们在追公羊
They're actually chasing the men.
这是疯狂版“我也是”运动
This is #MeToo gone mental.
-好了它上去了
-它上去了
-[Kevin] There you go, he's on.
-[Jeremy] He's on.
-它又下来了
-不它下来了
-[Kevin] Oh, he's off.
-[Jeremy] No, he's off.
这是一个错误的开端
It was a false start.
它踢了母羊它一定来自罗瑟勒姆
Oh, he's kicked her.
He must be from Rotherham.
[Jenny laughs]
-好了
-哦它上去了看啊
-There he goes.
-[Jeremy] Oh, there he is look.
母羊为什么走来走去？
Why is she walking about?
你没在《欲经》里看过这个体♥位♥？
You haven't seen that one
in the Kamasutra?
没有手推车式
[chuckles] No. Wheelbarrowing.
通常这要进行多长时间？
How long, how long does the...
the act take as a general rule?
不会太长也就几分钟
[Jenny] Not long. No, a couple of minutes,
-不太长
-几分钟？
-not much more.
-Oh, a couple of minutes?
在我看来我们可以调暗灯光
In my mind,
we could now dim the lights,
播放贝瑞怀特的音乐留它们自处了
put on some Barry White
and leave them to it.
但珍妮警告我之后还有一些重要的职责
But Jenny warned me that
some major responsibilities lay ahead.
在它们开始生崽前会发生很多问题
[Jenny] A lot of problems come just before
they start lambing, when they...
什么问题？
[Jeremy] What problems?
它们可能无法
So, they can get problems
with getting enough food
获得足够适量的食物和能量
and the right amount of food,
the right amount of energy.
因为随着幼崽的成长它们会压♥迫♥到胃
Because as the lambs grow,
they're pushing on the stomach,
母羊可进食量会减少