第五大道

Avenue 5 S01E07

Part 3 March 19, 2020, 9:27 a.m.

Yeah, and you're the comedian who, um...
嗯我以为你不喜欢这种地方
Yeah. I didn't think this would be your vibe.
确实不喜欢
Oh, it isn't. No. Uh...
这里地毯黏糊糊的人也一样
The carpets are sticky and so are the people.
不过这里是去工程部的近路
It's just a quick cut through to engineering.
距离大家开始
So... How long exactly is it
自相残食还有多久
until everyone starts eating each other?
不我们的食物够吃好几年的
No, we've got enough food for years,
只是调味剂用完了
it's just we're out of flavorings.
所以我们不用吃人
Oh, so... we're gonna not eat each other,
但要把人当调料用
but use each other as seasoning.
那真是可量化的有趣
Wow, that was... quantifiably funny.
"可量化的有趣" 我该把这个写在海报上
"Quantifiably funny." I should put that on my posters.
是啊应该写上
Yeah, you should.
你可以帮我听几个新段子吗
Can I try some new material on you?
好啊来吧
Okay. Go.
我想了个关于便便教宗的
Uh, so I've got this bit about the papal poop.
我想"天主教教会本来就是一堆屎"
I thought, "Oh, the Catholic church had already gone to shit."
类似这种
Something like that.
-不好笑吗 -我没听
- Not funny? - Not listening.
我得走了但跟你聊聊
I gotta go. But this has been, um...
-很有趣 -不是有趣但是...
- Fun. - Not fun, but... you know...
-就是聊过了 -嗯
- It happened. - Yeah.
谢谢你说的...
Tha-- Thanks, though, for the, uh...
-下次再聊 -可量化的...
- Let's do it again. - quantifiable...
单人早午餐乔丹·哈特瓦主持
突发新闻第五大道危机
屠♥杀♥计划引众怒
紧急补给船
With an emergency shuttle
已经准备好为大道五号♥送去必需品和食物调味剂
ready to take essential supplies and food flavorings to Avenue 5,
现在所有目光都聚焦在了贾德指挥中心
all eyes are on Judd Mission Control.
真不错
Well, this is nice.
我很惊讶你愿意出来吃饭
I'm amazed you wanted to come out.
我们以为考虑到现在的情况
We thought, with everything going on,
-你或许想 -我们有一条规矩
- that you might wanna-- - We have a rule
不在工作时间以外谈工作
that we don't talk about work outside of work.
我们点单吧早点完事
Should we order? Get things over with?
不是完事早点开饭
Not over with. Underway.
要喝点什么吗
Are we drinking?
我要奢侈点来杯水
I might... treat myself to some water.
加冰纯水你们呢
Water on the rocks. You guys?
-你选吧 -跟平时一样
- Uh, you choose. - The usual.
任务主管拉芙·穆凯尔拒绝否认
Anger grows as mission director Rav Mulcair
五百名非必要乘客会被扔出飞船
refuses to deny that 500 non-essential passengers
突发新闻第五大道危机
是不是残忍♥
使得大众怒火高涨
will be blasted from the ship.
我要豺爪
Uh, I think I might get the jackal paws
还有黄瓜雪
and cucumber snow.
我要黄蜂橄榄酱
I will get the wasp tapenade,
培根猫头鹰还有树汤
owls in blankets, and some tree soup.
至今不清楚船上五百人的生死
With still no answers as to whether 500 are to die,
突发新闻第五大道危机
是不是残忍♥
我们质问拉芙·穆凯尔她真的在乎吗
we ask Rav Mulcair: does she really fucking care?
吉姆水不要了
Jim, cancel the water.
我要那个加手指的墨西哥酒
I'll have that Mexican drink with the finger in it.
再加个笔记本
And a notepad.
这是放松时间不是工作时间
Uh, no, this is fun time, not work time.
艾伦现在所有时间都是工作时间
Alan, all time is work time now.
说实在的这午饭见鬼去吧
Actually, sod this lovely lunch.
我去查看补给船
I'm checking on the supply shuttle.
我买♥♥点兔肉块带走
I'll get some rabbit nuggets to go.
好了我们换一种试试
All right, let's try another one.
对付这家伙我需要一句必杀回怼马特
I need real killer comebacks for this guy, Matt.
-要那种毫无顾忌的话 -没错
- No-holds-barred type of stuff. - That's right.
看着我我现在是哈里森
Okay, look at me. I'm Harrison.
-好 -好吗
- Okay. - Right?
法德这真是你的脸吗
Fudd. Is that your face?
还是脱垂的直肠顶着染了的头发
Or a rectal prolapse with a dye job?
你要怎么怼回来
And your comeback is?
-是我的脸 -不对
- My face. - No.
-不对 -是脱垂的
- No. - It's a rectal di--
-不行我们再试一次 -染发
- No. No. Let's try it again. - Dye job.
-再来一次准备好 -好好了
- Let's try it again. Okay. Okay. - All right, all right.
法德
Fudd.
-你那声音 -声音
- You have the voice-- - Voice.
什么
What?
我在试着预测
I was trying to anticipate
-哈里森会说什么 -那挺好
- what Harrison might say. - Oh, that's good.
-你好啊法德 -法德
- Hello, Fudd. -Fudd.
-你那声音 -你那声音
- You have the voice... - You have the voice...
-就像 -就像阉人歌♥手
- of a-- - of a castrato.
我没预料到那个
I did not anticipate that.
你被自己的娘炮腺体给化学阉♥割♥了
You've been chemically castrated by your own effeminate glands.
你怎么知道的哈里森
How did you know about that, Harrison?
不行再来
No. Again.
-你怎么知道 -尽量别承认他说的东西
- How did you know-- - Try not to affirm the things he says.
好的
Yeah.
-好我试一个 -爱瑞丝怎么建议的
- All right, let me try one. - What did Iris suggest?
"哈里森你是不是脑出血
"Hey, Harrison. Are you suffering from brain bleed?
别担心对你来说那只是轻伤"
Don't worry. For you, that's a minor injury."
我喜欢这句这是暗示他脑子很小
Okay, I like that because it's suggesting his brain is small.
-对 -太好了真是太
- Yeah. - That's wonderful. That's very--
好了我快速说完你个蠢货
Right. I'll keep it quick, you horse's arsehole.
-你的脑子 -通讯中断期间我损失了
- Your brain is-- - Now, this period without comms has cost me--
闭上你的臭嘴听好了
Shut your pussyhole and listen.
我已经损失了几十亿
This has cost me billions.
法德为了证明我是认真的
And to prove that I'm very serious, Fudd,
我雇了一个大肚子白人来代表我
I've hired myself a paunchy white male to represent me.
-你脑子不好 -你被传唤了
- You have a bad brain. - You are served.
以律师身份
Legal hat on.
-不以律师身份旅程很不错 -谢谢
- Legal hat off, great trip. - Thank you.
就是食物调味不太好净是香蕉味
Apart from the food flavors. It's a lot of banana.
说够了我会毁了你的法德
Yeah, that's enough. I will ruin you, Fudd.
-准备好穷困潦倒吧 -小脑子
- Prepare for penury. - ...small brain...
你觉得旅程不错
Enjoying the cruise?
我想你肯定会喜欢溜冰场
I bet you would love the skating rink!
爱瑞丝老实跟我说这意味着什么
Iris, give it to me straight. What does this mean?
如果哈里森起诉我们就没有援救的钱了
If Harrison sues, we get no rescue money.
所以
So...
要不我们让瑞恩在船长餐桌上拍马屁
Why don't we have Ryan schmooze him at the Captain's Table
-劝他别起诉 -等下
- and talk him out of it. - Wait, okay. Wait.
要是
What if...
我们让瑞恩邀请哈里森去船长餐桌
we have Ryan invite Harrison to the Captain's Table
拍马屁劝他放弃这念头
to schmooze him out of it.
真棒你想出对策了
Yep. You fixed it.
道格你看到外面的教宗了吗
So, Doug, do you see the pope out there?
观景廊现场直播
-还是你也不确定 -我不确定
- Or are you on the fence? - I'm on the fence.
听了这个你或许能集中一点
Okay, well, this might focus you a little bit.
五百名非必要乘客
Five hundred non-essential passengers
不会被丢出气闸了
are not going to be jettisoned out of the airlock.
但如果真要丢你如何证明自己是必要的
But, if they were, why are you essential?
要命这个
Fuck. Yeah, uh...
我可以用牙咬住一支铅笔
I can... put a pencil in my teeth
用我的手指拨出《皮鞭》的主题曲
and flick with my finger and play the theme to Rawhide.
是不是很有趣我们惊慌的时候
Isn't it funny what our minds produce
-什么都能想得出来 -那只是
- when we're panicking? - That was just-- No, I--
我还是个慷慨热情的丈夫
And I'm also a generous and warm husband.
我应该先说这个的我能回去了吗
I should've led with that. Shit, can I go back?
我们还有很多人要采访
No, we have more people to interview,
说得不错你很棒
but, uh... I loved that. You were great.
快走吧
Get outta here.
幸亏不用选择性杀戮了