第五大道
Avenue 5
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第五大道
Avenue 5 S01E06
Part 5
March 19, 2020, 9:26 a.m.
Action.
我是赫尔曼·贾德 跟大家简短说几句
Herman Judd here, with a brief word.
事实上 我们现在说话都必须简短
Indeed, all of our words must now be brief.
这是因为可呼吸的空气快要用完了
That is because we're running out of breathable air.
我本来想说得委婉点的
I had intended to ease into that one.
我们会阻止泄漏 但在此之前
We will plug this leak. But until we do,
你们必须保持平稳呼吸 尽量减少氧气用量
you must remain breathing steadily to minimize all oxygen usage.
并且停止一切不必要的对话
And cut out all unnecessary conversation.
不准叹气 不准惊喘
No sighing, no gasping,
避免爬楼梯
不准打不必要的喷嚏 不准急走
no unnecessary sneezing, no flouncing.
我要你减少呼吸
如果你一定要闹别扭
If you have to be passive aggressive,
仅限用眼神表达
do it only with your eyes.
放轻松
Relax.
爱瑞丝
Iris!
不 等等 这是录制的
No, no, no, wait. This is recorded. That's...
不是真正的哔哔声
that's not the actual beep.
但必须保持平稳呼吸
But do remain breathing calmly.
这才是真正的哔哔声
That's the actual beep.
现在这是法律规定了
That is now a legal requirement.
谢了大伙
Thanks, gang.
我现在来讲个笑话
Okay, I'm gonna tell a joke now.
请尽量别笑
贾德欢笑场
不准笑
这故事是有三个不同国籍的人
The setup is that there are three men of three different nationalities.
我不会告诉你们国籍分别是什么
I won't tell you which nationalities,
不然你们会被逗笑的
'cause otherwise you might find it amusing.
包袱来了 这个笑话里的其中一个人
The punchline is that one of the men in the joke
比另外两个人要抠门得多
is considerably more parsimonious than the other two men in the joke.
笑话到此结束
Thus concludes the joke.
一点都不好笑
That was not funny.
要来了
Here it comes.
爱瑞丝
Iris!
我走上去的时候 这些玩具车
As I walk up, there's these cars
正在从床上掉下来 那简直是
falling out of the bed. It was just‐‐
这次谈话的性质到底是什么
What is the nature of this conversation?
我只是聊聊我的孙子们
I'm just talking about my grandchildren.
你认为这是必要的谈话吗
Would you classify it as essential?
醒醒吧 不是必要的
News flash. It isn't.
现在我要和观众开一些节氧的玩笑
Okay, now I'm gonna do some oxygenefficient banter with the audience.
-这位女士 你来自哪里 -犹他州
- Ma'am, where are you from? - Utah.
很好
That's nice.
你简直无聊透顶
You are banal as shit.
我听见你的声音了 宝贝
I hear ya, honey.
鞋拔子很奇怪 不是吗
Shoehorns are weird, aren't they?
鞋拔子的部分到此结束
Thus concludes the shoehorns section.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
-我想我应该... -耳朵不好使 抱歉
- I thought I'd set up‐‐ - I can't‐‐ I can't. I'm sorry.
我说 我想我应该选一个
I said, I thought I'd set up in a space
能够包容所有人的地方
where everyone feels welcome.
上帝的办公室吗
In God's office?
耶稣 毗湿奴 真♥主♥ 凯伦·凯利
Jesus, Vishnu, Allah, Karen Kelly.
首席乘客联络员
我应该还有很长的路要走
I think I have a ways to go just yet.
-镇静药 -瑞恩
- Sedatives. - Ryan!
让你的屁♥股♥和蛋蛋做好震惊的准备吧
Get ready to have your butt and/or ball blown off.
贾德先生即将实现他的第一个奇迹
Mr. Judd is about to perform his first miracle.
我们让这个污秽光环闪耀起来吧
We're gonna sparklify the Halo of Crud.
我有个最新消息
I have an update.
太空宝宝出现黄疸 用上呼吸机了
Space Baby has jaundice. He's on a respirator.
黄疸 某人的肝脏真虚弱呢
Jaundice? Somebody's got a weak liver.
-他还好吗 -他没事
- Is he okay? - He's fine,
只是戴着氧气罩躺在那里
just laying there with his oxygen mask.
贪婪的小恶魔
Greedy little fuck.
太好了 这才是我的爱瑞丝
Yeah! There's my girl.
欢迎回来 我很想念你呢
Welcome back. Missed you, girl.
该死的太空宝宝正在偷我们的氧气
Yeah, fuck Space Baby, stealing all our oxygen.
谁在偷氧气 发生什么事了
Who's stealing the oxygen? What's going on?
我们刚刚得知消息
We just heard the news.
妈的 他们跟你们说了吗
Oh, shit. They told you?
把五百个NEP扔进太空的事
About the 500 NEPs they're shooting into space?
什么 道格 你在搞毛呢
What? Doug, what are you doing?
-你真是个蠢货 -我小声跟你说...
- You're such an idiot. - I'm whispering so we're‐‐
安静
Quiet!
你们这些叽叽喳喳的
You... chattering...
傻♥逼♥
fucks!
能听到我说话吗
Can you hear me?
-能 -能
- Yes. - I can.
现在呢
What about now?
-能听到 -没什么变化
- Yes. - It was the same.
现在呢
What about now?
-声音太小了 -太小了
- Too low. - Too low.
好的 我提高点音量
Okay, I'll go up.
一百岁
Bless you.
氧气啊
Oxygen‐‐
-该死 -闭上嘴 弗兰克
- Fuck! - Shut up, Frank!
既然你们已经...
Now that you have‐‐
-伙计们 注意点 -天啊
- Guys. Please. Guys. - Oh, my God.
一整罐氧气就这么没了
That's like a full tank.
你们要先思考再说话
You have to think before you speak.
然后 继续思考
And then, think again.
接着这么想 "我不该说话"
And then think, "I shouldn't speak."
最后 不要说话
And then, don't speak.
爱瑞丝
Iris!
-去你的 道格 -你好呀
- Fuck you, Doug! - Hey, you.
NEP是什么
What are NEPs?
非必要人员
They're nonessential personnel.
什么
What?!
爱瑞丝 你♥他♥妈♥能闭嘴吗
Iris, will you shut the fuck up?
真的吗 你们要杀掉五百个乘客
Is it true? You're just gonna kill 500 passengers?
为什么我没接到通知
Why wasn't I notified?
我接到过通知吗
Was I notified?
什么时候的事儿
When was I notified?
你们凭什么决定谁是必要人员
Who are you to determine who is essential?
我不能死 我是太空里唯一的放射科医生
I can't go. I'm the only radiologist in outer space.
达雷尔 我就站在你面前
Darrell, I'm standing right here!
我们都共事多少年了
We've been colleagues for years!
哔哔声不是因为氧气泄漏
It's not an oxygen beep.
哔哔声不是因为氧气泄漏
It's not an oxygen beep!
所有氧气罐我都检查过了 哔哔声
I checked all the tanks, and the beeping
是飞船在提醒我们要为宝宝重新调校
is the ship telling us to recalibrate for the baby.
因为多了一个乘客
There's an extra passenger.
飞船需要重新调校
It needs to recalibrate.
氧气没事
There's no oxygen‐‐
另一个可能的原因就是这个
That would be the other reason.
什么 你从一开始就该排查这个原因的
What, you -- you didn't rule that out already, huh?
闭嘴 斯派克
Shut up, Spike.
有空气 空气很充足
There is air. There is enough air
足够大家跟我说声谢谢了 我叫比莉
for maybe some of you to thank me. I'm Billie.
我们有空气
We have air?
-对 我们有空气 -那我们可以喊出声了
- Yeah, we have air. - So we can shout?
你的感激之情这么强烈的话 也可以喊
If you want to, I guess, yes.
你们想要杀了我们
You guys were trying to kill us!
你们还列了名单 猜猜怎么着
Yeah, you had a list going! Guess what?
我们也要列个名单
Now we're gonna make a fucking list!
-你们全都完蛋了 -我根本不在乎名单
- And you all... - I don't even care about names,
你们要血债血偿
I just want blood.
亮起来吧
And... light 'em up!
天啊 好漂亮
Oh, my God, it's beautiful!
是很漂亮
It is beautiful.
只要别细想
Until you really think about it.
谁能想到屎也能这么迷人
第五大道
Avenue 5
剧集 | 第五大道 | 导航列表