第五大道

Avenue 5 S01E05

Part 2 March 19, 2020, 9:26 a.m.

这个午夜我们到达了远地点
Tonight at midnight, we reach our furthest point from Earth
准备调头回程
and turn around to head back.
半程派对
我明白时光飞逝我也不想回家
I know. Time flies. I don't wanna go home, either.
但我们在半程派对上见
But I'll see you later at the Halfway Home party.
这是这是真的吗
Hey, is-- is that true?
我说的时候是真心的
Well, it was true when I said it.
就像结婚誓言一样
Like a marriage vow.
你没把派对取消吗
And you just kept this up?
当然我们还是可以办一个
Sure. I mean, we could still have a...
四十六分之一程派对
"One Forty-Sixth of the Way Home" Party.
-对这也行 -斯派克懂的
- Yeah, that could work. - Spike gets it.
我们买♥♥了二十万美元的彩带
We brought 200,000 dollars' worth of streamers.
另作他用就只能等你的葬礼了
The only other use would be for your funeral.
看呐是屎语者
Hey. It's the shit whisperer.
出自电影《本杰明·巴顿奇事》
本杰明·按钮
Hey, Benjamin Button!
行走屎堆
Shit stack walking.
弗兰克搞砸
Frankenfuck.
大便先生
Mr. Crappatoa.
这么棒的客舱是不是进来就不想出去
Wow! Couldn't you just stay in this cabin all day?
我知道我就不想出去
I mean, I know I could.
我觉得你就不应该出去
And I think you should.
为什么
Why?
这里有这么多新奇物件宝贝
There's just so much to explore, baby.
我们有酒喝对吧谁不喜欢酒呢
We have booze. Right? Who doesn't love booze?
还有还有四本书
And-- And four books--
这里有五本书呢太不可思议了吧
five books here! I mean that's just-- right?
我只不过是
All I did was...
然后他们就
And then they...
还有
And the--
永远不准坐下
Don't ever sit.
充一千个气球
Inflate one thousand balloons.
我要审查你今晚表演的素材
I need to vet your materials for this show this evening.
所以是真的表演真的要继续
Oh, wow. So it's true. The show really does go on.
你合同里写着你今晚得演出
It's in your contract. You'd be doing a show tonight
哪怕这是艘满载太空垃圾和
even if this was a burned-out hulk
动物尸体的焚烧废船
full of space junk and dead animals.
所以
So...
段子
Jokes.
讲几个吧
Do some.
-好吧你觉得什么好笑 -喜剧
- Okay, what makes you laugh? - Comedy.
-很明显 -还有一些悲剧
- Obviously. - And sometimes tragedy.
轻悲剧勃起功能障碍
Light tragedy. Erectile dysfunction,
非致命的打猎事故
non-fatal hunting accidents,
向你觉得认识的人挥手
waving at someone you think you know
但结果是个陌生人诸如此类
but it turns out to be a stranger, that sort of thing.
话题要紧跟热点
Now, make it topical.
提及"这事" 但别说出来
Mention "It," But don't mention it.
"这事" 太可怕了
"It"? That's horrible.
讲吧
Go.
-好吧我开场可以 -这不是说评书
- Okay, I could start with-- - It's not called "Sit-down."
我可以用
I can start with...
"瞧瞧这些热气腾腾的屎"
"This is some hot shit."
你知道太空里其实很冷吧
You know it's actually extremely cold in space?
你要一直这样吗
Are you gonna do this the whole way through?
对你现在这水平就是讨嘘声呢
Yes. And I'd say you're a heckler's wet dream right now.
你看见我做的了吗你看见
You see what I did? Did you see--
我头上套了个金鱼缸
I put a fucking goldfish bowl on my head,
出去到那儿修好了飞船
went out there, and fixed a spaceship.
我知道
I know.
我需要你声明那不是弗兰克的错
I need you to make it clear that it wasn't Frank's fault.
-弗兰克是谁 -我丈夫
- Who's Frank? - My husband.
我们不聊他行吗
Oh! Do you mind if we don't talk about him?
他只是去做个样子而已
He's-- He's only there to stop his skeleton from falling over.
天啊我的脑子快炸了
Christ, I'm coming off my fucking nut.
我觉得我都能杀人吃肉了
I feel like I could kill and eat a man.
天啊随便找个陌生人操♥我♥都行
Oh, God! Just fuck me and don't even give me your name.
好吧
Okay! So...
某人的脏嘴需要消毒
somebody needs some soap for their mouth
再喝点热酒舒缓情绪坐下
and a hot toddy for their mood. Sit.
冷静
Chill.
我刚才做了一件我都不理解的事
I just did something, and I don't know what it was.
我不知道我在做什么
I don't know what I'm doing.
我不知道怎么会有人知道自己在做什么
I don't know how anybody knows what they're doing.
有人知道自己在做什么吗
Does anybody know what they're doing?
一切是怎么运转的有人知道吗
How does anything work? Does anybody know?
谁知道那扇门是怎么运行的
How-- I mean who knows how that door works?
它坏了
It doesn't work.
我甚至不知道它坏了
Well, I didn't even know how it doesn't work.
看看这个
And look at this.
我是怎么做到的
I mean, how am I doing that?
我不知道我他妈是怎么做的
I do not know how the fuck I'm doing that.
-喝吧 -还有你
- Drink this. - Now you--
看孔洞
See, orifices!
它们遍布全身不安全对吧
They're all over us! Well, that can't be safe, can it?
你知道讽刺的是什么吗
You know what's ironic?
我才刚离开一个话都说不全的人
I just left a man who can't finish his sentence,
现在又来找你这个闭不上嘴的人
and here you are, and you just can't shut the F up.
我觉得被困住了
I feel a bit trapped.
亲爱的我们都被困住了
Well honey, we're all trapped.
满天都是屎
The sky is full of S-H-I-T.
天啊飘在半空了
Oh, no. There it floats.
该死
Oh, bollocks.
一切就不能消停吗
Oh, can everything just fuck off?
等下那是瑞恩船长吗
Wait, is that-- Was that Captain Ryan?
不是的
It-- It was not.
我很快就回来小甜饼好吗
In fact, I will be back soon, tootsie roll, okay?
半程
我们今晚见
I'll see you all tonight.
半程派对
带上你们的孩子
Bring your children.
有行为障碍的就算了
Unless they have behavioral disorders.
算了带来吧庆祝一下
And bring them, too. It's a party!
我不想让你过度兴奋
Hey, I don't wanna get you overexcited,
不过这个派对会是放纵的狂欢
but this party is going to be an orgy of the gods--
我才不会过度兴奋
I don't get overexcited.
我永远只在一个程度上兴奋
I'm always the same fucking level of excited.
-对吧爱瑞丝 -对
- Right, Iris? - Yes.
再给我来一小杯水谢谢
I'll have another shot of water, please.
好了我们去冲着人扯一嗓子
All right! Let's go yell in some people's faces!
真抱歉请收下这张贾德代金券
I'm so sorry. Please enjoy this Judd voucher
-那边的 -抱歉这些
- Hey! - I apologize. These are...
贾德欢笑场
-你们用不着这个 -全船都可以使用
- You don't need this! - valid anywhere on the ship.
薯条拿走啤酒留下
Take the French fries. Leave the beer.
真抱歉这些全船都可以使用
I'm so sorry. These are valid everywhere on the ship
-除了高尔夫球场 -好吧
- except the golf course. - All right...
真的吗能给我一张吗
Oh, really? Can I get one of those?
-你好 -你好比莉
- Hey. - Hey, Billie.
-你看起来很棒 -你也是
- You look nice. - So do you.
我决定要走"我拯救了整艘船"的路线
I decided to go for "I just saved the ship" casual.
是"我们"拯救了整艘船
"We" just saved the ship.
-我怎么说来着 -是"我们"
- What did I say? - Yeah. We
-好了别闹了 -停下吧
- Come on. Stop that. - Stop.
-可以了 -谢谢你们
- Stop it. - Thank you.
-我们只是做了本职工作 -我只是做了本职工作
- We were just doing our job. - I was just doing my job.
我们只是做了必须做的事
We just did what we had to do.
-我只是做了必须做的事 -谢谢
- I did what I had to do. - Thank you.
对你看见我在船外了吗
Yes. Yes. Did you see me out there?
你明不明白
Do you understand,
你把我吓到以后我就没合过眼
I've not slept a wink since you freaked me out.
我把哏都写在了餐巾纸上