紧急呼救

9-1-1 S03E12

Part 1 May 15, 2020, 7:24 a.m.

各位网友各位亲
Attention, citizens of the Internet.
各位四肢健全的猛丝们
We are calling upon every able-bodied viewer
都来跟着谢伊玩一场心跳之旅吧
for another adrenalized tour of duty for Shay's Army.
我是"谢伊将军"
I am General Shay.
我是"米奇上校"
And I am Major Mitch.
-我是杰西 -闭嘴吧杰西
- And I'm Jess-- - Shut the hell up, Jessie.
没人认识你这种屌♥丝
Seriously, no one's gonna recognize you.
你不作死就不会有关注度
Not without a microwave cemented on your head.
我们在牧场公园进行直播
We're coming to you live from Hacienda Park
带来一场惊悚表演
where we have a stunt so daring...
超级惊爆
A video so bold...
-可能 -会
- It might... - Just...
惊爆全网
Break the Internet!
我们要把旋转木马
We're about to turn this merry-go-round...
改成"惊恐木马"
Into a scary-go-round.
小爷喜欢
Daddy likes.
杰西准备好头晕目眩了吗
Jessie, you ready to take a ride into infinity and beyond?
很好
Perfect.
准备开始
Ready, set...
转吧
Spin.
旋转跳跃你沉醉了没
Look at him go. It's beautiful.
你真是"魔鬼赛车手"[烧焦橡胶]You're really burning rubber.
快让他停下
Shut him down, man.
别又来一次啊
Not again!
911紧急中心你有什么紧急情况
牧场公园有辆摩托车着火了
至于原因我们毫不知情
如今摩托也出自动驾驶款了吗
So what, now they got self-driving motorcycles?
那还有什么骑车乐趣
Wouldn't that defeat the point?
车主应该没走远
That rider couldn't have gone far.
巴克埃迪灭火让车熄火
Buck, Eddie, hose that down and turn that bike off.
克里斯托弗好像看过这种小视频
Think I saw Christopher watching a video like this online.
视频里摩托可没起火
That bike wasn't on fire.
你还清醒吗
Hey, can you hear me?
把他抬下来
All right, let's get him off of there.
瞳孔严重扩散
His pupils are extremely dilated.
眼球脱臼
Globe luxation in both eyes
造成眼球凸出
causing them to bulge out.
血压爆表了
Blood pressure's off the charts.
开始输液
Starting a line.
他这是怎么了
What happened to him?
要看他这样转多少次了
Depending on how many times he was spinning around like that,
可能是"超负荷"
it could be G-lock.
高速旋转导致身体重力负载吗
G-force poisoning from the force of the spin?
他全身血液全都集中在脑部了
Right now, all his blood is pooling inside his head.
压♥迫♥大脑
It's pressing against his brain.
他才昏迷了
That's why he's out cold.
不立即降低颅压他可能会中风
We don't get that swelling down, he could have a stroke.
要让他脱险才能送医院
We've gotta get him stable enough for transport.
注射生理盐水
Running isotonic fluids.
我好像见过这个人
Wait, I feel like I know this guy.
血压稳定
All right, BP's stabilizing.
眼部滴入治疗
Administering numbing drops.
铺好舞台请开始你的表演
I'll hold back the curtains while you show these guests to their seats.
好了
All right.
可以了
Here you go.
老大可以了
Cap, we're good here.
扶他起来
All right, let's get him up
把他送到附近脑外伤中心医院
and transported to the nearest neurosurgery trauma center.
我又能看见了谢谢
I can see. Thank you.
谁把你害成这样
Who did this to you?
我知道是谁了
I have an idea.
杰西没事吧他看起来伤得很重
You think Jessie's okay? He looks really messed up.
他不会有事
I'm sure he's fine.
我们是不是该一起去医院啊
Maybe we should go to the hospital.
恐怕你们去不成了
Afraid you're gonna be otherwise occupied.
你们非法入侵破坏公物
You're under arrest for trespassing, vandalism,
怠忽致危扰乱治安我要逮捕你们
reckless endangerment, and disturbing the peace.
-你们没法证明 -不用我证明
- You can't prove anything. - Don't need to.
你们两个傻缺都直播招认了
You fools livestreamed your confession on the Internet.
两位记得我们吗
Hey, guys. Remember us?
不是吧怎么偏偏又遇上
You've gotta be kidding me. How small is this town?
未经我们同意不能发到网上
Don't think you're posting that without our permission.
就算你们发了
Yeah, even if you did,
也只会帮我们涨粉
just gonna get us more followers.
不这只给一个人看
Nah, this is just for an audience of one.
我以后真要带眼识人了
Man, I really need new friends.
紧急呼救
第三季第十二集
我知道这笑意味着什么
I know that smile.
一对A
Pair of aces.
同花顺
Flush.
太棒了
Yes!
他每次都上当
He falls for it every time.
我怎么总是输啊
How does this keep on happening?
因为你牌技太烂
Because you suck at poker.
话说我也打得很烂
Spoken by someone who also sucks at poker.
不是吐槽你但你该懂得及时收手
No judgment, but maybe you should quit while you're behind.
谁还想要酒
Who needs more wine?
来点烈酒
I'm gonna need something stronger.
谢谢你们邀请我太有意思了
Thanks again for having me. This was fun.
输家表示没意思
For some of us.
身边情侣档都有事
Well, all our couple friends were busy,
我们只能找单身狗玩了
so we figured we would target solos.
如果不是知根知底我还以为这是介绍对象呢
If I didn't know better, I'd say you were setting us up.
我这么喜欢你怎么会让我弟去祸害你
No, I like you way too much to set you up with my brother.
你当我是空气吗
Hey now.
我也太爱你了
And I love you too much
舍不得让你一个人空虚寂寞冷
to let you keep being so incredibly, tragically...
准确来说是"惨兮兮"
Some might say embarrassingly.
单身狗
Single.
也不至于用惨来形容吧
Tragic seems a bit much.
过去几个月跟你最亲密的女人
Closest you've gotten to turning on a woman in the past few months
就是你手♥机♥里的"Siri"
is shouting out, "Hey, Siri!"
她对我可好了
Well, she's very good to me.
给我唱歌♥ 为我叫外卖♥♥
She sings me songs, she delivers me food,
替我规划好地点时间路线
she tells me where to be, when, and how to get there,
如果这都不算爱
and that is pretty much love.
还有...
The rest I--
打住求你别再讲下去了
No, no, no. Dear God, I don't wanna know.
行了别再虐我们单身狗了
All right, all right, just ease up on the solos.
我们已经很惨了
It's hard out here.
多谢理解
See? Thank you.
这里是洛杉矶
It's LA.
大家行色匆匆不是在车里
Everybody's always in their car
就是低头看手♥机♥
or looking at their phones.
再不然就是在车里看手♥机♥
Or in their car looking at their phones.
我们只能靠网络交友
And we're stuck with online dating, which is--
网络又太不靠谱了
An absolute nightmare.
不是精神病就是神经病更别说骗财骗炮了
The crazies, the randos, the catfishers, and not to mention the liars.
美颜修图堪比整容手术
Profile pics brought to you by Photoshop.
知足吧你们遇到彼此是福气
Face it, guys. You two got lucky.
没错
They did.
现在找对象难于上青天
You guys have no idea how hard it is out there for the solos.
阿尔伯特今晚去哪了
Where's Albert tonight?
他去约会了
He's on a date.
虐我啊
Come on.
找203室
Looking for room 203.
201室旁边怎么是205室啊
Didn't it just go from 201 to 205?
203室在那边左侧
It's the next one on the left.
实验楼教室号♥不一样
Lab classrooms have a different layout.
无语了
Of course they do.
再次谢谢你陪我来
Thank you again for coming.