把妹大作战（2014）

Undateable S01E02

Part 2 Dec. 2, 2020, 3:25 p.m.

Oh, okay, but if I don't speak,
好吧但如果我不说话的话
how am I gonna bury this beak into those sweet cans?
我要如何把"鸟"嘴插♥进♥"蜜罐"里
All right, look. First of all,
听着首先
that's not how human sex works.
人类的性♥爱♥不是那样完成的
Second of all, have you ever seen "The Little Mermaid"?
第二你看过《小美人鱼》吗
That mermaid was able to make a nice prince
那条美人鱼一句话都没说
fall in love with her without actually ever talking.
就让一个帅气的王子爱上她了
She's also friends with a small Jamaican crab.
她还和一只小牙买♥♥加蟹是朋友
So, uh, why don't you try this, okay?
你不如试试这方法吧
Stare at Nicki, and don't say a word.
盯着尼基什么话都别说
Oh, my god! I like him so much better!
天啊我对他的好感果然提升了好多
See? There you go.
瞧吧很有效
So, next time you run into your hot neighbor,
下次你再遇到你那位性感邻居
do something nice for her, but just don't talk.
稍微帮助她一下但千万别说话
I'm going to "Little mermaid" all over this chick so hard.
我一定要用"小美人鱼法"全面进攻那个妹子
Okay, I'm going to the bank. I'll be back.
我要去银行了一会儿就回来
This is not how I imagined my first dance with another guy.
我真没想到我第一次和男人跳舞是这种场景
You know what? Just get off me.
行了给我让开
We'll -- we'll just crisscross. Mixing it up.
我们又撞上了搅在了一起
Sweetie, are you -- are you okay?
亲爱的你没事吧
Are you having a little stroke, or...?
你是中风发作了吗还是...
No.
不是
I-I got a-a fine line -- a force --
我走路有点...就是...
All right, well, I'm obviously going in there.
好吧我显然得进去一趟
Just say what you're gonna say.
有话就说
Okay, so, you just sprinted out of your office,
好吧你刚刚冲出办公室
got stuck in a real "Which-way dance"...
陷入了真正的"狭路相逢舞"
...shoved your friend aside
把你的朋友推到一边
so you could manufacture a fake "Which-way dance"...
然后来了一场伪"狭路相逢舞"
...with a girl who was not moving.
但那个女孩动都没动
You know what? I'm sick of this.
算了我真是看不下去了
What are you doing?
你在干什么呢
I am texting Nicki from your phone asking her to a movie.
我用你手♥机♥给尼基发短♥信♥ 约她看电影
No. Don't --
不别
Done. Happy anniversary, baby bird.
搞定同居纪念日快乐小小鸟
I can't believe you asked Nicki out for me!
我真不敢相信你帮我约了尼基
What are -- oh, god.
你真是...天啊
Oh, god. I'm seeing tunnels.
天啊我眼冒金花了
A great man once said,
一个伟人曾经说过
"Conquering your fear sometimes is what makes you a man."
"有时候征服恐惧才能让你成为真男人"
That man was me. I-I just said that.
那个伟人就是我这句话是我说的
You know what? You're right.
你知道吗你说得对
You don't think I could go to a movie? I could go to a movie.
你觉得我没胆子去看电影吗我可以的
That's what I'm talking about.
这样才对嘛
All right. Here we go.
好了上吧
I got to get out of this.
我得想个办法脱身
Oh, Justin, I just got your text.
贾斯丁我刚收到你的短♥信♥了
But you didn't 'cause, uh, that text wasn't meant for you.
其实没有那条短♥信♥本不是发给你的
Just give it back.
退还给我吧
Actually, that text was meant for another friend of mine
其实这条短♥信♥是要发给我另外一个朋友的
named Nicki -- "Nick," not "Nicki," you know?
叫尼基是尼克不是尼基明白吗
I mean, it just autocorrected.
都怪手♥机♥的自动纠正功能
You know, must have removed the "I."
把单词后面那个i字母给删掉了
Uh, well, I never heard you mention Nick.
我从没听你提过尼克这个人
What's Nick like?
尼克是个什么样的人
Nothing. He's like nothing.
没什么他就是默默无闻的
It's weird to me that, uh,
我觉得很怪
you never introduced your friend to your other friends.
你从来没把你那位朋友介绍给你其他朋友
Yeah, what's up with that, man?
是啊那是怎么回事
Is there -- there something wrong with us?
是因为我们有什么不对劲吗
Calm down, okay? This is not that big a deal, right, Shell?
淡定这不是什么大事对吗小谢
Oh, betrayal is a very big deal.
背叛可是天大的事
I think I saw you with Nick last week, right?
我上周好像看到你和尼克在一起了对吧
He's got the broad shoulders, super handsome,
他的肩膀很宽阔超级帅
like the kind of guy I'd let build me a log cabin
就是那种我希望他为我建个小木屋
just so we could ruin a bear rug together.
然后我们一起滚熊皮地毯的人
No, that's the beer distributor,
不那是本店的啤酒经销商
and he's never coming back.
他以后都不会再来了
Uh, no.
不是
Nick is a different guy.
尼克是另外一个人
Who's Nick?
尼克是谁啊
Some handsome bloke Justin knows, apparently.
就是贾斯丁认识的一个帅哥
Oh, is he single? Does he like kids?
他单身吗喜欢孩子吗
He hates kids and he's really old
他讨厌孩子而且他很老了
and he can't even see, so...
而且他根本看不见所以...
Why would you invite a blind guy to go see a movie?
你怎么会约一个瞎子去看电影呢
He just loves...sounds.
他喜欢听声音
Well, when do we get to meet Nick?
我们什么时候能跟尼克见一面呢
We've discussed it, and, uh, unfortunately,
我们谈过这事不幸的是
Nick happens to be an alcoholic.
尼克恰好是一个酒鬼
So he doesn't come to bars.
所以他不能来酒吧
A child-hating, blind alcoholic?
一个讨厌孩子的瞎酒鬼
That's a lot of demons for one man.
对于一个人来说那真是万恶加身
I can change him.
我可以改造他
It's still so weird to me because in the text, you said,
我还是觉得很怪因为你在短♥信♥中说
"Let's leave from the bar around 9:00."
"我们9点左右从酒吧出发吧"
So, I guess we can expect old, blind Nick here around 9:00.
我猜那个瞎眼的老尼克9点会过来的吧
I guess we can, Danny.
我觉得是可以吧丹尼
I'll just text Nick back to make sure he can make it.
我来给尼克回个短♥信♥ 确保他会到
How's he gonna see the phone?
他要怎么看手♥机♥啊
Thanks.
谢谢
I, uh, just moved into the building.
我才刚搬进这栋大楼
Do you live here?
你也住在这里吗
Um, do you mind getting off on my floor
你介意在我住的楼层下电梯
and carrying that to my apartment?
帮我把东西送到公♥寓♥里吗
What's your name?
你叫什么名字
So, what you're telling me
你是在跟我说
is that, in your entire retirement home,
在你们整个老人院中
there isn't a single 85-year-old blind guy
都找不到一个85岁的单身瞎眼老男人
that I could just rent out for the night?
可以让我借用一晚上吗
Okay, Carol, what if I keep him?
好吧卡罗如果我一直养着他呢
Well, may-- all right. Just gonna hang up.
好吧我就挂了
We'll see if I retire there.
看我退休了去不去那里
This is all your fault.
这都是你的错
Look, every time I give you an amazing idea
每次我给你出一个超赞的主意
on how to get Nicki, you shoot it down like skeet.
帮你追尼基你就像射飞靶一样全盘否决了
"Hey, take her to a movie."
"嘿带她去看电影吧"
Pull!
干掉
"Stop singing so much." Pull!
"别整天瞎唱了" 干掉
"Definitely stop dressing like a hip minister."
"别穿得像个嬉皮士一样"
Pull!
干掉
You have to stop acting like some god
你不能再表现得像个上帝一样
who just swoops in and solves everybody's romantic problems.
突然降临一下子解决众人的爱情问题了
Okay, so, Danny, you're the best, bro.
丹尼你是最棒的老兄
I just "Little mermaided" that chick so hard,
我刚刚用"小美人鱼法"对付了那个妹子
and guess what.
你猜怎么着
I got my first date in months.
我得到了几个月来的第一次约会机会
Truth check.
请检查此话真实性
Years.
是几年以来
All right.
好吧
We're gonna go grab some pizza to celebrate.
我们准备去吃个披萨庆祝一下
Thank you, Danny. You're the best.
谢谢你丹尼你是最棒的
I even got Burski some action.
我甚至给伯斯科提供了一些妙招
Let me give you some advice, baby bird, okay?
我给你些建议吧小小鸟
Okay, stop calling me "Baby bird," Okay?
别再叫我小小鸟了好吗
I don't need your advice.
我不需要你的建议
Why are you being so stubborn?
你为什么要这么顽固
I'm not being stubborn, okay?
我不是顽固好吗
You're being annoying. Just let me help you.
是你在烦人让我帮你吧
Look, I don't need your help.
听着我不需要你的帮助