把妹大作战（2014）

Undateable S01E13

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 3:28 p.m.

好我回头和你说宝贝
Okay. I'll talk to you later, babe.
好这是个狗狗接吻
All right. Hey. Here's a pooch smooch.
等等只是狗狗接吻啦
Hang on. It's just a pooch smooch.
我的狗交式有点不同
Yeah. Well, my doggy style is a little bit different.
不我得挂了
No, I got to go.
好我爱你
All right. I love you.
不我更爱你
No. I love you more.
不我更爱你
No. I love you more.
-不我更爱... -好了知道吗
- No. I love you -- - Okay, all right. You know what?
我们就当这是平局了好吗
Let's just call it a tie, huh, buddy?
好吧我只是很激动
Okay. Look, I'm just excited
尼基这周末终于要搬回来了
that Nicki's finally moving back this weekend.
你知道要维持
You know how hard it is
异地恋有多困难吗
to keep a long-distance relationship going?
我其实不知道
Uh, no. I actually don't.
和中国菜一样
Much like Chinese food,
丹尼·伯顿的送货范围在两平方英里内
Danny Burton has a 2-square-mile delivery zone.
我预料到尼基过阵子就会搬回来
I anticipate Nicki will be moving back here for a while,
所以我写了一些新的家庭规则
so, uh, I wrote up some new house rules.
好吗开始了
All right? Here we go.
不许起萌萌的昵称
No cute nicknames.
不许合唱
No singing together.
客厅里不许有性感内衣
No sexy lingerie in the living room.
这条更适用于你和你爱的那件衣服
And that doesn't apply to Nicki so much
而不是尼基
as it's for you and that outfit that you love.
那不是内衣好吗
It's not lingerie, all right?
那只是白色丝绸四角裤上面有一些红色按钮
It's just white silk boxers with little red buttons
和高档蕾丝花边
and some nice lace trimming.
好吧那就是内衣
All right. That's lingerie.
最重要的一条规矩是
So, um, the most important rule is,
如果你们一起看电影
If you guys watch a movie together,
你们不许在毯子下"秘密拥抱"
there will be no "secret cuddling" under a blanket.
我绝对不该再看见你的高♥潮♥脸
I should never mistakenly see your "O" face ever again.
顺便说一句看起来像是这样
By the way, it's totally like this.
随便啦大家都会是这样
Whatever. Every guy makes that face.
我不是花了我多年时间练习
Not me. It took me years of training,
但我终于能让自己这样做了
but I was able to make myself do this.
-天啊 -是啊
- Oh, man. - Yeah.
听着忘了你愚蠢的清单吧
Okay. Look. Forget about your stupid list.
我只是很高兴她要来了知道吗
I'm just excited she's gonna be here, you know?
我们一个月没做♥爱♥了
We haven't had sex in a month.
你两周前去看她了
You visited her two weeks ago.
是啊但是尼基心情不好
Yeah, but, you know, Nicki was bummed
因为她妈妈身体不大好
'cause her mom isn't doing great health-wise,
她觉得搬回来很内疚
and she feels guilty about moving here,
所以整个周末我就搂着她
so I just held her all weekend.
丹尼当你真正关心某人
You see, Danny, when you really care about someone,
而你无能为力时
and you can't fix something,
你能做的就只有陪着他们
sometimes all you can do is just be there for them.
我想问你一个严肃的问题
I want to ask you a serious question.
你没蛋蛋穿牛仔裤是不是感觉不一样啊
Do your jeans fit differently 'cause you don't have testicles?
丹尼生活中有比性♥爱♥更重要的事
Danny, there are more important things in life than sex.
为什么扇我
What the hell was that for?!
你听不到但你的老二
You couldn't hear it, but your penis
求我扇你耳光好吗
Begged me to slap you, okay?
非常感谢丹尼
Thanks a lot, Danny.
不用谢小家伙
Hey. No problem, little fella.
有时候我觉得好冷
Sometimes it's so cold
因为我从来不进入女人的身体
'cause we're never going inside of things.
两位
Hey, guys.
不要跟我的小♥弟♥弟♥说话
Stop talking to my penis!
回头见
And I'll see you later.
好了我们走吧快点
All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
好吧我们走
Okay. We are going.
欢迎来到底特律
不懂约会第一季第十三集
《不懂约会》一部关于友谊的电视剧
"Undateable" -- a show about friendship.
这倒提醒了我
Oh, yeah. That reminds me --
-我用了你的牙刷 -不
- I used your toothbrush. - No!
好啊
Hey, man.
你在泡那边的女孩吗
You working on that girl over there?
是啊别看她行吗
Yeah, yeah. Don't look at her. All right?
她都没往这边看
She's not even looking this way.
现在看了
Oh, now she is.
你好啊小美女
Hi, pretty lady.
她走了你什么都没说
She's leaving. You didn't even say anything.
我在进行三天的"目视系列"
I'm in the middle of my three-day "Look progression."
第一天是从肩膀往后看像这样
Day one was the over-the-shoulder glance, like this.
第二天我要打破僵局
And then tomorrow, I'm gonna break out my closers.
这只眼睛问你想出去玩吗
This one asks, "Want to hang out?"
这只眼睛表现得像你想的
And this one's all like, "Yeah, you do."
然后这只眼睛问你确定吗
And then this one's all like, "You sure?"
这只眼睛表现得像我确定
And then this one's like, "Yeah, I'm sure."
这只你确定吗那只是
And, "You positive?" And, "Yeah."
你想这样做吗是的我说不好是的不是
And, "You want to do it?" "Yeah." "I don't know." "Yeah." "No."
好不好好不好好不好
"Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah."
你在说苏菲吗
What, are you talking about Sophie?
她有点喜欢我挺好的
She has a little crush on me. It's nice.
有点喜欢你是因为你是个小矮子吗
Oh, is it a little crush, 'cause you're a little man?
她显然喜欢我好吗
She's clearly into me, all right?
你知道我这周在干什么
You know what I've been doing all week.
盯着她好像是个搞丢了隐形眼镜的忧郁男吗
Staring at her like a brooding guy who lost his contacts?
在你想象的女人更愿意
In your imaginary world
和你上♥床♥ 而不是我的世界中
where women prefer you sexually over me,
你是不是也满身肌肉拥有低沉的嗓音
do you also have big muscles and a low manly voice?
知道吗丹尼
Well, you know what, Danny?
知道吗丹尼
You know what, Danny?
其实没办法知道女人更喜欢谁
There's way to tell who women prefer.
其实可能有
Actually, there might be.
有个应用叫做Studscore
There's this app called Studscore
女人可以给跟自己睡过的男人的
where women can rate the sexual performance
床上表现评分
of the men they've slept with.
我哥们丹尼得了8分
My man Danny got an 8.
你确定不是倒下的8吗
Are you sure it wasn't an 8 on its side,
也就是无穷的标志
which is the symbol for infinity?
也许我的得分是无穷
Maybe I got an infinity.
你知道自己在得到什么
"You know what you're getting,
而且24小时都有
and it's available 24 hours."
你简直像是丹尼餐厅
Oh. You're like a Denny's.
贾斯丁也有8分
Oh. Justin also got an 8...
这条评论显然是尼基写的
In a review clearly written by Nicki.
他很贴心善良
"He's sweet, kind,
终于知道自己在做些什么了
and finally seems to know what he's doing."
网络不会撒谎
The internet never lies...
除了那条说这个酒吧是
Except for that review that said this bar
"难看的场所"的评论
was a "Charmless void."
我挺我的评论
I stand by what I wrote.
我是说所有地方都是绿色和橙色
I mean, green-and-orange everything.
这地儿是个南瓜吗
Is this place a pumpkin?
随便啦这个应用简直是扯淡
Whatever. This app is B.S.
如果有你献上童子身的那个女孩写评论
Your score would have been a lot lower
你的得分会低很多
if it included the girl you lost your virginity to.
幸运的是卡罗从来都不喜欢用电脑
Luckily, Carol was never a big fan of computers.
因为你搞上她时她是个老太婆
That's 'cause when you banged her, she was a senior citizen.
她现在肯定得有70岁了
I mean, she's got to be like 70.
不她才没有伯斯科
Nope. No, she's not, Bursk.
我是说她本来会有的但她最近去世了
I mean, she would be, but she recently passed.
各位我觉得苏菲来了
Guys, I think Sophie's coming.
苏菲来了苏菲来了
Sophie's coming. Sophie's coming.
拜托
Come on!
-我讨厌这酒吧 -抱歉莱丝
- I hate this bar. - Sorry, Les.