把妹大作战（2014）

Undateable S01E06

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 3:26 p.m.

Babe?
宝贝
Are you ever coming to bed?
你到底还要不要上♥床♥来啊
Baby, I got to stretch, okay?
宝贝我得做做热身运动好吗
What we're gonna attempt to do is a high level of difficulty.
我们待会儿的"做姿"难度可是很大的
Are we doing that thing?
我们要用那个"做姿"了吗
No, no, no. We're doing the other thing.
不不不我们用另外一个"做姿"
Just talking to Nicki. She said to say hi.
我刚跟尼基通完电♥话♥ 她让我代为打声招呼
Oh, yeah. I was just thinking about Nicki.
对哦我刚刚也正想着尼基呢
Come on. Let's go to bed.
走吧我们上♥床♥去吧
You know, moving back home has been tough on her.
搬回家让她心里很不好受
God.
天啊
I am so sorry.
真的很对不起
Yeah, man. That really sucks.
是啊老兄那太糟糕了
You know what, baby?
你知道吗宝贝
We should go dedicate our lovemaking session to Nicki.
我们应该用美妙的性♥爱♥向尼基致敬
She'd want it that way.
她一定会希望如此的
Come on.
走吧
You know, it's just, when we talk on the phone,
刚刚我们在电♥话♥上聊的时候
she gets real sad.
她显得好悲伤
All I can do is tell her I love her.
我只能不停安慰她说我爱她
I am gonna put my sweatpants on,
我这就去穿上我的运动裤
and then the three of us can hang out.
然后我们三个可以一起出去玩
Oh, my god.
天啊
Yeah! Let's hang out, the three of us.
好耶我们三个一起出去玩
It'll be so awesome. Go put those sweatpants on.
那真是棒呆了快去把运动裤穿上吧
I can't wait for you to put those on.
我真是迫不及待想看你穿上
Come on, man!
搞毛啊老兄
You're killing me.
你害死我了
And now she's gonna put on sweatpants?
她现在竟然要穿上运动裤
Dude, do you know what sweatpants are like to women?
老兄你知道运动裤对女人来说就像什么吗
That's like vaginal ambien.
就像是"阴♥道♥催眠剂"
Puts it right to sleep.
让女人性趣全无
Why does her vagina snore like one of the three stooges?
为什么她的阴♥道♥打呼声跟"三个臭皮匠"其中之一一样
All right. Look, man.
好吧听着老兄
I know you're a sensitive guy,
我知道你是个敏感的人
but when your high level of estrogen
但你的高雌激素
combines with her level of estrogen,
和她的高雌激素一相遇
that creates a barrier that no man can get through --
就会产生一道任何男人都无法逾越的屏障
not even Vin Diesel.
就算是猛♥男♥范·迪塞尔都不行
"Hey, you know what?
"嘿你知道吗
"Uh, I can't through this high level of estrogen.
我无法突破这么高的雌激素
It's such a big barrier."
真是一道无法逾越的屏障"
First off, that's Rocky.
首先你这模仿的是洛基
Second off...
其次
When it comes to matters of the heart,
当涉及到心灵问题时
I'm all about emotions, okay?
我就会情绪激烈大爆发
I love hard. I yearn hard.
我狠狠爱狠狠思念
I feel hard.
狠狠去感受
Well, then, I got a question for you.
那么我有个问题想问你
Don't say it.
别说出来
Do you feel hard right now?
你现在硬了吗
Ah, that's great.
真有你的
Never mess with a sensitive guy. Okay?
永远不要去惹一个敏感的人明白吗
'cause we'll hit you where it hurts.
我们会直击你的痛处
So, are you gonna hang out, Justin?
你还想一起出去玩吗贾斯丁
Oh, that sounds so much fun,
听上去好有趣哦
but, uh, actually, I'm gonna let you two kids
但是呢我就不打扰你们
get some private time, okay?
享受私密时光了吧
Enjoy your night.
祝你们今晚愉快
You know what's silly that I was just thinking about?
我刚刚想到一件略微有点傻气的事儿
I was just thinking about the fact that you two, uh,
我想到你们两个到现在为止在一起的时间
have been dating exactly as long as Nicki and I were
恰好是我和尼基相恋到
when I told her that I loved her for the first time.
我第一次对她说我爱她的时间
Isn't that funny?
是不是很有意思
I love your sweatpants.
我好爱你的运动裤
Ah. Fantastic.
真是美呆了
All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
好咧我们走起快点
Okay. We are going.
好咧走吧
"Undateable" -- it's exactly like "Toy Story."
《不懂约会》跟《玩具总动员》简直一模一样
Except it's not animated and there are no toys.
只不过它不是动画也没有玩具
You know what? Can I actually talk to you after this?
行了待会儿我私下找你聊聊
You know Steve, the gay electrician?
你认识那个基佬电工斯蒂夫吗
We're watching Brett eye-bang him.
我们正在围观布雷特视奸他
All right. Where's your fuse box?
好了你们店里的保险丝盒在哪儿
It's by the back door.
在后门旁边
Hey, man, you should have taken a run at Steve, you know?
老兄你该去勾搭一下斯蒂夫
I mean, he's right in your wheelhouse, right?
他完全符合你的择偶条件不是吗
He's a guy. He's gay.
他是个男的又是同性恋
I feel like that checks all the boxes.
在我看来所有条件都满足了
I'm not going to ask Steve out, Danny.
我是不会约斯蒂夫出去的丹尼
Brett only came out three months ago.
布雷特三个月前才出柜
Point is, he's not ready to ask anybody out yet.
重点是他还没准备好约任何人出去
Come on, come on.
拜托拜托
It's not like I'm a virgin, okay?
我又不是什么小处♥男♥
It's just with guys.
只是没勾搭过男人而已
I've had a lot of sex with a lot of ladies.
我可是跟很多女人做过爱的
That's not fair.
那可真不公平
It's like a vegetarian eating my steak.
就好像是一个素食者吃掉了我的牛排
When you slept with that girl I was dating in college,
当你跟我大学时的对象上♥床♥时
if you were living a lie, why would you even bother?
既然你是伪直男又何必跟她上♥床♥呢
Because she had a flattop and a really low voice.
因为她胸部像平板声音很低沉
So when the lights were low, I could make it work.
灯一关我就假装她是男人呗
Who were you dating -- a navy S.E.A.L.?
你当时的对象是谁啊海豹突击队的吗
No. I was a freshman, Danny.
不我当时才上大一丹尼
I just needed a girl to tell me what to do.
我需要个女生来告诉我该怎么做
"Hey, Justin. Give me your hand.
"嘿贾斯丁把你的手给我
"Put it right there.
就放在那儿
Now make small circles and shut up!"
轻轻转圈圈给我闭嘴"
Nicki, I miss you, too, okay?
尼基我也很想你
But these phone calls just make you sad.
但越打电♥话♥只会让你越伤心
Look, I have a crazy idea.
我有个疯狂的想法
I just need to know -- are you -- are you alone?
我想先确定一下你现在身边没旁人吧
Okay. Good. All right.
好的很好
Okay. Good.
好的非常好
Well, then, uh, what are you wearing right now?
那你现在穿着什么样的衣服呢
Just a t-shirt. Okay. Interesting.
T恤是吗好的有意思
'Cause in that scenario...
那样的话
...I am going to be an erotic masseur.
那我就来扮演一个色情按♥摩♥师
Would you rather be a...
你是愿意扮演一个
...a tennis star who needs a post-match rubdown or...
需要享受赛后按♥摩♥的网球明星
Oh. Got to go.
挂了待会儿再聊
Uh, look, we got to help our friend Brett,
听着我们得帮帮我们的朋友布雷特
but before that,
但是在此之前
is this a "Choose your own adventure" phone-sex script?
这莫非是"选择个性化的冒险之旅"电♥话♥性♥爱♥指南吗
All right, baby bird, uh, on the list of things
听好了小小鸟在那一长串的
that you are very, very, very, very, very bad at,
你非常非常不擅长的事情列表上
We have to put "Phone sex"
我们不得不把"电♥话♥性♥爱♥"这一项
right below "Not looking like Matthew Broderick."
放在"长得不像马修·布罗德里克"下面了
So, what I thought is, we could invite Steve back here
我觉得我们可以再把斯蒂夫找来
to fix something else and make Brett ask him out.
修理一些别的东西然后让布雷特约他出去
No, no. That's a horrible idea.
不不行那是个糟糕的主意
Also, have you seen Steve?
并且你见过斯蒂夫这人的作风吗
I mean, he's the kind of guy at the gym
他是那种在健身房♥蒸汽室里
who just doesn't wear a towel in the steam room...
不围毛巾毯的人
Like puts his hands on his hip,
把双手放在屁♥股♥上
and just lets his business swing back and forth
小鸡鸡放肆地在前面甩来甩去的
like, "Hey, try not to get hypnotized," You know?
就像在说 "嘿别被我的鸡鸡催眠了哦"
Where do you work out?
你都在哪儿健身的啊
That's not the point.
那不是重点
The point is, if he gets turned down,
重点是万一布雷特被拒绝的话