把妹大作战（2014）

Undateable S01E11

Part 2 Dec. 2, 2020, 3:27 p.m.

没有雇佣我的前女友
didn't, uh, hire my ex-girlfriend
塞布丽娜
Sabrina...
如果别人
Well, maybe if somebody else --
丹尼
danny --
没有像一个混♥蛋♥一样
didn't cheat on her like a
出轨了
jackass
一切都会没事的
everything would be fine.
你根本不知道怎么运用嘴角
You don't know how side mouth works.
塞布丽娜
Hey, Sabrina?
我们这边能不能再来点椒盐脆饼干
Could we possibly get some more pretzels over here?
你们不如挪动肥臀
Why don't you guys get up off your lazy asses
自己去拿啊
and get them yourself?
我还是别吃椒盐脆饼干了
I think I'd just rather live without pretzels.
我们什么也没做
We didn't do anything.
她为什么讨厌我们
Why does she hate us?
我没发现什么啊
I didn't really notice anything.
女人一般就是这样对待我的
That's usually how women treat me.
有时候
Listen, sometimes,
当一个女人被一个男人狠狠伤害后
when a girl's really hurt by a guy,
就会对朋友发火
she ends up being pissed at his friends.
她是你的朋友
Well, she's your friend.
我们怎么跟她搞好关系呢
How do we get back on her good side?
这都是丹尼的错
This is all Danny's fault.
是啊谢谢
Yes! Thank you!
等等什么是丹尼的错
Wait. What's Danny's fault?
一切
Everything?
我就知道对吧
I know, right?
是啊
Yeah.
丹尼最烂了
Danny's the worst.
好了我需要你充满愤怒小小鸟
All right, I need you to get fired up, baby bird, all right?
我们得拿下这邻居
We need to go take down this neighbor, huh?
你真的想和邻居大吵一架吗
Do you really want to get in a huge fight with a neighbor?
我以前的邻居是个老太太
I used to live next to this old lady,
我们对"吵闹的风铃"
And we had a little bit of a disagreement
有点不同看法
with some "Noisy wind chimes."
长话短说她砸了我的风铃
Long story short, she smashed my wind chimes.
我不知道你为什么这么怕这个人
Look, I don't know why you're so scared of this guy.
没必要啊
You don't need to be.
你有我啊我挺你
You got me, man. I got your back.
我的内在力量跟十个人的一样
Look, I have the inner strength of 10 men, okay?
我不知道你是不是了解
I don't know if you knew that,
但那意味着我俩加起来
but that means that between the two of us,
有九个半人的内在力量
we have the strength of 9 1/2 men.
等等那我就是负数咯
Wait. Does that make me a negative man?
知道吗那不重要
You know what? It doesn't matter.
我只是... 我说
I just -- look, I was joking
我们结婚是开玩笑的
when I said that we were married,
但在某种程度上我们就是那样
But in a way, that's exactly what we are.
我们是无性的生活伴侣
We're nonsexual life partners.
如果没有性♥爱♥ 就不叫生活伴侣了
You can't be life partners without sex.
我在说什么鬼
What am I saying?
小小鸟我需要你
Look, baby bird, man, I need you on this,
所以我打算用你的娘娘腔说话
so I'm gonna talk to you in your touchy-feely-guy language.
我听着呢
I'm listening.
三个月来我们一直是室友
For three months now, we've been roommates,
但我的心想要更多
but, uh, my heart wants more than that.
你的心想要什么丹尼
What does your heart want, Danny?
贾斯丁·科尔尼
Justin Kearney,
你愿意和我一起干掉邻居吗
Will you destroy our neighbor with me?
当然
Yes. Yes. Yeah.
-绝对同意 -太好了
- A thousand times yes. - Yeah, man.
我建议我们强硬点
All right, I say we get aggressive on this, all right?
我说不好
I don't know.
我觉得那应该是我们的最后手段
I-I think that should be our last resort.
我觉得我们一开始应该迷住他
I feel like we should charm him first.
我已经给凯文打电♥话♥
I already called Kevin
叫他来我们家
and told him to come by the place
这样我们就可以和平解决了
so we could work it out peacefully.
对不起
I'm sorry.
没关系
Well, it's okay
因为我也擅作主张了
because I kind of already went ahead with my idea, too.
你做了什么
What did you do?
我偷走了那个傻♥逼♥的蠢灯
I stole that idiot's damn light.
不天啊
No! What -- oh, god.
你觉得他知道了吗
Do you think he knows?
还我灯来
Give me back my light!
他也许知道了
He might..
丹尼和贾斯丁死定了
Danny and Justin are dead men!
他为什么说我的名字
Why did he say my name?
因为我写了一张纸条
Um, because I-I wrote a note,
签名是丹尼和贾斯丁
and I signed it "Danny and Justin."
至死不渝小小鸟
Till death do us part, baby bird.
我知道你们在家
I know you're in there!
出去吧我来转移他注意力
Get out of here. Go. I'll set a distraction.
那是什么那是什么
What is that? What is that?
我看见你滚过去了
Hey! I see you rolling!
我看见你了
I see you!
把窗户的锁打开
Unlock this window!
好笑的是你窗户没有锁
Ah, joke's on you -- there's no lock on the window!
我不该说的快跑快跑
I shouldn't have said that! Go, go, go!
难以置信你偷走了他的灯
I cannot believe you stole his light.
你开心了吗
Are you happy?
我开心了吗我不知道
Am I happy? I don't know.
瞧这里有面镜子
Oh, look -- there's a mirror.
还是我很激动
Uh, yep, still me. Thrilled.
凯文不会理智回应的好吗
Look, Kevin's not gonna respond with reason, okay?
跟许多胡子男一样他是个傻♥逼♥
Like most guys with a beard, he's a tool.
凯文有胡子啊
Kevin has a beard, does he?
是不是像《斯巴达三百勇士》里
Is it kind of like the beard
杰瑞德·巴特勒的胡子
Gerard Butler had in "300"?
凯文是不是肌肉男
Is Kevin muscular?
布雷特我再说一次他是毒贩
Brett, again, he's a drug dealer.
肌肉男毒贩吗
A muscular drug dealer?
滚蛋贱♥人♥ 他是我的
All right, back off, bitch. He's mine.
你挑起了势力争夺战丹尼
You started a turf war, Danny,
我看过《西区故事》
and I've seen "West Side Story."
我知道势力争夺战里会发生什么事
I know what happens in turf wars.
人们唱歌♥ 然后跳舞然后翘辫子
People sing, then they dance, then they die.
我们根本不了解这人
I mean, we don't know this guy.
如果他有把刀呢
I mean, what -- what -- what if he has a knife?
我妈妈总是说
My mother always said,
如果有人拔刀我就该笑脸以待
if someone pulls out a knife, I should pull out a smile.
我被捅过好多次
I've been stabbed on several occasions.
我得和凯文谈谈免得事态升级
I have to go talk to Kevin before this escalates any further.
我们现在不能示弱好吗
Man -- man, we can't back out now, all right?
他不是个可怕的人只是个弱爆的毒鬼
He's not a scary guy. He's just a lame stoner.
你得相信我好吗
You need to trust me on this, all right?
我没告诉你
I don't tell you how to do
要如何鬼哭狼嚎让大家都讨厌
your lame singing that everybody hates.
那是因为你有可怕的歌♥声
That's because you have a terrible singing voice.
真的吗
Uh, really?
才不是我其实唱歌♥特好听
Uh, no, I actually have an amazing singing voice.
听着我得知道你是不是还跟我站在一边
Look, I need to know -- are you still with me?
我们的婚姻还有效吗
All right, is our marriage still intact?
是的哥们我挺你到最后
Yeah, man. I'm with you to the end.
太棒了太棒了
Good, good, good, good, good.
别笑了他来了
Oh, cool it. He's here.
塞布丽娜
Uh, hey, Sabrina.
去死
Die.
好吧回头和你聊
All right. Cool. Talk to you later.